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ER visit, big wake up call, Maybe I have a serious problem


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I did a good job at staying sober for a good 8 months but my addict mentality is still there. For the past few months, I planned to strictly stick to smoking weed only and nothing else. A couple nights ago, that quickly changed. I was with a few friends and they were all stoned as shit but I wasn't. One of them thought it would be a good idea to get some Benadryl (diphenhydramine) and trip. We were planning on only having one person trip and I was going to be the trip sitter but then they were telling me that I should take some too. I normally do a good job at staying away from this kind of shit but once I got my hands on that bottle, I was screwed. I swallowed 22 pills (550 milligrams) and the trip was pretty scary and one of my worst experiences on this drug. I had forgotten how evil this drug was until now since it has been a year since the last time I used it. When 2 of my friends left, it was only me and the other guy who had taken 16 pills (400 milligrams). I was laying on my friend's tripping balls and hallucinating. I was not enjoying this trip cuz usually I was able to tell whether things were real or a hallucination but this time, I couldn't tell the difference and it was freaking me out

My dad ended up calling me (I'm surprised I was still able to know how to use a phone while this fucked up) and he could instantly tell I was fucked up by the sound of my slurred voice and I was barely talking. Then my mom called me soon after and told me to get home immediately. She then comes to my friend's house and picks me up and calls my friend's dad. She took me to the emergency room..... TOTALLY UNNECESSARY ! I had only taken 550mg and that's not anywhere near enough to kill a person my size (150 LBs). All they did was do a bunch of tests, stick needles in me and ask me questions and I was there until 2:30am and nothing was accomplished. All they did was send me home still tripping balls. I would have been fine if my mom would have just let me go home and fall asleep to sleep it off. All this ER visit did was piss me off.

Next day, i get told by another friend that the other person who took the Benadryl was planning to kill himself so I ended up spending half the day going back and forth with his parents freaking out because I thought I was about to lose one of my good friends to suicide. Luckily he is fine now but this whole thing was a huge wake up call. We both agreed to start staying sober and stop hanging out with those two stoners because they were the reason we had started doing drugs again and we know how to have fun without being high. This trip reminded me of how bad these drugs are.

My dp/dr and hppd of course have gotten worse but my dp/dr is now worse than ever. I have been panicking, having psychotic thoughts go through my head, my body feels soar, and I have very little appetite. As i am typing, I am very unstable and I have no idea what's going to happen to me in the next few months. I am worried about the fact that my chances of recovery are fucked just because of very stupid decisions. I managed to stay away from drugs but my addict mentality never left. This experience made me realize that I need to stay away from this shit

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you really need to reevaluate your life. How little do you think of yourself that you are willing no to risk PERMANENT damage by continuing to smoke weed and take fucked up drugs. if you are actually able to smoke weed you are in a place where you can recover. Most people with hppd can't even be around it. Stop risking things getting worse for yourself. get new friends. Join NA and meet positive sober people. No one is going to sympathize with you about how fucked up you are because you're being a fool by continuing to take drugs/smoke weed. Stop being stupid

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It's a good first step. There is no point sitting around worrying about the mistakes you have made, but you HAVE to learn from them and make sure not to keep falling back into the trap.

 

I know what it is like to have an addictive personality, i'm probably one of the most flawed people on this site and still find myself drinking to blackout and/or taking drugs when the addictive personality rears it's head.... no amount of sensible advice can stop you, when you are in the mood... You need to work out the triggers that place you in the situations to be in that mood and avoid them..... For the most part, it is usually certain friends that bring the worst out in you (often through no fault of their own).... Hanging with them puts you back in a place where worrying about drugs was not a thing, so you relax and begin to feel invincible again.

 

It seems this pattern is something you have already spotted and are taking care of... As hard as it is, you have to cut out your drug friends, at least until you have developed the skills and mindset to be able to sit back with them and be able to keep your mind away from temptation.

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