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Need motivation. Any other advice ?


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I'm officially at the 2nd most depressed point in my life and I'm feeling more depersonalized than ever. So I took some of the advice and this is what is happening :

-staying sober isn't doing shit. No improvements in my visuals either.

- excersize seems to fuck me up now. I used to get a very good feeling from long distance bike riding. It used to feel like a weak but nice acid trip when I would ride then sit down on a bench. Now it feels like I am having a bad trip when I do it ! i get more nervous because my friend who I ride around with is with me the entire time and I'm afraid he thinks I'm on drugs or something

- just laid off the soda and going without caffeine is killing me !

- I was told to socialize more but I really can't find motivation to talk to all of my friends and some of them are kinda worried that I returned to doing drugs. I really only talk to one friend now plus I haven't been to school in almost 3 weeks

- not being in school for a long time drives me mad. Being told to quit school and focus on recovery is total bullshit cuz now that I'm not in school, I'm going mad ! Being at school was more comfortable. I got kicked out of my school because of prescription pill possession. I did return to the school during lunch hours to hang out with friends and people were shocked to see me. Apparently since I had been gone, people heard about what happened and some thought I had overdosed and died.

- eating healthy is hard. Most of the time I don't feel like eating at all and I'm getting skinnier and skinnier. This has been an ongoing issue since July.

- still working on getting medications prescribed. Should get Buspirone soon but as soon as I asked my parents for Effexor too, they freaked out and started crying "OMG that is the mindset of a drug addict" and now my parents are withholding the next appointment. I believe they are just trying to torture me because me and the doctor PROVED that Buspirone and Effexor can not be abused !

Sorry for the long paragraph but any other advice would be great

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gman hang in there bud. I was 17 when this first started. im 41 now. its hard for people who don't understand to deal with it. over time you will get stronger if not better. don't let "right now" overwhelm you. i cant change your parents or fix you. all i can tell you is your not alone. I know what your going thru. that makes us brothers and we'll get thru it together.

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search something you can put your passion into if you feel bad about not going to school..you need an interest and something to concentrate o...i dont know..play an rpg or so.

 

and dont take care about what others think about you so much..they have their own problems..for sure.

 

yes staying sober is just not doing the trick ...cause it has nothing to do with the actual root of the issue..

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i know what you mean i felt stoned for so long...but vitamin b complex (due to vitamin b12) helped me to stop this after a week of  taking it..if i would have had a suppliment with higher concentration of b12 im sure it woold have helped earlier.

i would give it a try if i were you..it always felt great for me and held me in a better mood + its just a suppliment and easy to obtain..a little expensive though..but worth the money.

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I'm officially at the 2nd most depressed point in my life and I'm feeling more depersonalized than ever. So I took some of the advice and this is what is happening :

-staying sober isn't doing shit. No improvements in my visuals either.

- excersize seems to fuck me up now. I used to get a very good feeling from long distance bike riding. It used to feel like a weak but nice acid trip when I would ride then sit down on a bench. Now it feels like I am having a bad trip when I do it ! i get more nervous because my friend who I ride around with is with me the entire time and I'm afraid he thinks I'm on drugs or something

- just laid off the soda and going without caffeine is killing me !

- I was told to socialize more but I really can't find motivation to talk to all of my friends and some of them are kinda worried that I returned to doing drugs. I really only talk to one friend now plus I haven't been to school in almost 3 weeks

- not being in school for a long time drives me mad. Being told to quit school and focus on recovery is total bullshit cuz now that I'm not in school, I'm going mad ! Being at school was more comfortable. I got kicked out of my school because of prescription pill possession. I did return to the school during lunch hours to hang out with friends and people were shocked to see me. Apparently since I had been gone, people heard about what happened and some thought I had overdosed and died.

- eating healthy is hard. Most of the time I don't feel like eating at all and I'm getting skinnier and skinnier. This has been an ongoing issue since July.

- still working on getting medications prescribed. Should get Buspirone soon but as soon as I asked my parents for Effexor too, they freaked out and started crying "OMG that is the mindset of a drug addict" and now my parents are withholding the next appointment. I believe they are just trying to torture me because me and the doctor PROVED that Buspirone and Effexor can not be abused !

Sorry for the long paragraph but any other advice would be great

 

People don't understand.  There are many reasons people try drugs.  Peer pressure.  Curiosity.  It was fun at one time.  Take mind away from concerns.  One of the big reasons often ignored is that people are trying to self-medicate, whether for a psychological need or biological need.  Some doctors have said this about alcohol.

 

Are you currently on any med right now?

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staying sober isn't doing shit. No improvements in my visuals either.

 

 

It might not be improving things right now, but it might be giving you a better chance of recovery down the line.

 

My long term love affair with alcohol doesn't make my hppd permanently worse.. But I am 95% sure that it has played a part in minimising any chance of recovery.

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As for advice, my best advice is pretty simple.. Get busy doing shit.

 

The last 2 months, I have moved into a house that needs major work... I have been working 70+ hours a week and learning all sorts of new stuff.. plumbing, building, electrics, plastering etc etc, I have been so busy that I have not been thinking as much about hppd... even when I have contractors in the house doing work, I am less anxious, as I have more common ground to talk about.

 

Find some stuff you wouldn't mind getting into and just immerse yourself into it.

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i know what you mean i felt stoned for so long...but vitamin b complex (due to vitamin b12) helped me to stop this after a week of taking it..if i would have had a suppliment with higher concentration of b12 im sure it woold have helped earlier.

i would give it a try if i were you..it always felt great for me and held me in a better mood + its just a suppliment and easy to obtain..a little expensive though..but worth the money.

Would I be able to walk into a store and get it myself since I'm under 18 ?
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Jay, I'm not on any meds right now. Another HPPDer did give me codeine, tramadol, Keppra and Buspirone a few times. Was supposed to get a 2 months supply but we got caught. Also maybe I should do something. I know when I get out of the house, I barely think about HPPD but when I get bored, I sit there and stare at my visuals

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but give the b12 time...depending on how much b12 you take..it will take longer to affect you..a common vitamin b complex can take 3 days to 2 weeks to get noticable...just my experience

 

btw. did you know that we would die early without vitamin b12 and that psychic problems like depression, anxiety and migraines are mostly found in people with low b12 level....all too often people with low b12 level feel the consequences after many years first...maybe it has something to do with hppd..as a sort of trigger or so

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