dukkha

Hey all, I just got back from a wonderful trip in Europe - so I haven't been around on the forums for a while. I had a rather novel experience while abroad that I will share in a moment. However first, I would like to encourage people to visit this forum more often. We seem to be slowly picking up speed again. The old days of the old forum were pretty great. You could post a topic and expect a thread full of responses to accumulate rather quickly. It was a sport where you could always log into and feel like there was a supportive (although, not to romanticize the old days, there was a fair share of negativity and idiocy) community. So, I would like to see if we can't recreate not only something similar but something even better than before. I myself will be around more often, actively commenting and contributing to discussion where appropriate. I would strongly encourage everyone else to do the same. We are part of a rather peculiar group bound together by a pretty damn incredibly bizarre and terrifying disorder. We can use all the support and help that we are able to offer up to each other. Please let me know what you think about this. On a slightly lighter note, I had a very unusual dining experience in Europe. I ate a three course meal in complete darkness - you couldn't see your hand an inch from your face. All the waitresses were blind. It was quite interesting. My girlfriend was able to, perhaps, understand what my vision is actually like. I asked her to stare into the darkness and tell me if she actually did see only black like she thought she was seeing. Upon inspection, she realized that there was in fact something else there - colors etc. What we REALLY see. Also, it was interesting to see how my mind created an image of the table, the food, the waitress, the layout of the room, the people eating next to us etc. when it didn't have any thing (at least anything visual) to base it off of. Just wanted to share this experience with you all. I think you might be slightly interested. Peace! Dukkha

If what you are talking about looks like this: Then 1998 is right - they are floaters. Non-hppd people have them but they are more noticeable to those with HPPD Dukkha

Another side note: the forum is not so active these days. In the old days you would have had many answers immediately. It's unfortunate but that's how it is.

Yes, Benzodiazapans do reduces visuals along with the surrounding anxiety. They are good only in emergency situations. Your visuals and other symptoms will come back much worse than before during withdrawals and can dig yourself deeper into the hole. -d

Okay... but why are you sharing something like this, on this forum?

So let's propose a time. A month or so in the future. -D

Hey man, I've been there before. I feel for you and can empathize. HPPD will change your social, academic, personal, (etc....) worlds. I'm sorry to say it but you will have to work harder than other people to achieve the same marks in school. You will have to work harder to fit in with social groups than those who are naturally gifted with social skills (perhaps like your old self?). You will have to work harder to do simple things like checking out groceries at the store. Its not easy but you should feel proud of yourself when you are able to do all these things because you have a disadvantage (and an invisible one at that) but you're still able to achieve the same thing. You can also appreciate the simple things more than other people who get things just placed in their lap. Such as quality friends, having an orderly life, doing well in school or at your job. I hope you're not smoking weed because that is pure brainfog. I would just suggest just staying strong and in time the brainfog will fade and you will learn to work and live with it. Dukkha

It actually started 6 months after having not taken any psychedelics. Completely out of the blue it seemd but I suspect it might have been triggered by stress/depression and changes going on. Did the visuals improve or did I not noticed them? I have to say.. is there ultimately any difference? Like LarryC and 1998 say there are up's and down's. But that is life also, isn't it? You can do things though that make these up's and down's less extreme/intense. Lowell p.s. WindScar, where are you from exactly?

I consider my own case a full recovery despite still having persistent visuals. I used to have full on anxiety interespersed with panic attacks. Visuals were rather intense and unbearable. Time really is the best cure and a strong positive mental attitude. I now see visuals but they aren't abrassive or dont' "attack" me. A lot of it was a change in perception. I used to freak out and get really bent out of shape when a HPPD swell would start (naturally, right?). Realizing that this is simply going to be life let me stop feeding the fire with negative emotions and energy and be more accepting of how life with HPPD. this caused a decrease in anxiety and panic attacks which, in turn, caused a decrease in visuals. I abstain from things that make visuals worse such as drugs, sleep deprivation, staying inside all day, being anti-social, hanging around people who use drugs, not being healthy, and the list goes on (and is different for everybody). My one weakness is caffine. Although I don't mind the spike in visuals for a nice cup of tea but I'm a wee bit weary of permanenatly increasing HPPD levels. Just a little schpeel. Dukkha

Has anyone tried wayback machine or archive.org? -D

Agreed, although its not easy. Its a catch 22. People will not starting posting until there is some activity. But, there won't be any activity until people start posting. People who used to post a lot, like myself Jay, Mandrake, and Merkan, to name a few, haven't been nearly as active and for obvious reasons. We all have lives to live but it was nice to jump on the forums during a bad day or just to join the conversations. Now it's just extra work to get the ball rolling again. -Dukkha

David is already planning one this summer, albeit a small one. I think we should start with a Skype meeting. Small steps first. -Duke

Wow, that's a lot of work for a Bachelors. Its obviously something that is meaningful to you because I'm sure its not required. That's great you're working so closely with Dr. Abraham. I don't think I'll make it for your graduation/conference however I will be in NH during the summer. It would be nice to meet you if it convenient at some time. Cheers, Dukkha

I think I'll definitely be able to make it. Keep us updated -d

thats a really cool story! thanks for sharing. it would be cool if we could have an annonymous map with people's location on it with a contact option. anybody know about the technology we would need to set something like this up? D

I wouldn't call it motion sickness in my experience becasue I wasn't moving (everything else was) but I think I know that twisted stomach feeling that is reminiscent of motion sickness. Consuming ginger (ideally in its natural form but even ginger can work a little bit) helps settle the stomach. Get the ginger root and make tea with it our just juice it and drink it like a shot of liquor. It really helps to settle the stomach. Dukha

It doesn't really seem like there could be a connection to me. But HPPD is a strange thing and if this shampoo = anxiety in your experience then you can't argue with that. It could be purely psychologycal but at any rate stop using that shampoo if its giving you bad effects. D

For me, I would have to say certainly. For others on this forum (or at least the older version), they've never experienced a bad trip yet know very well what HPPD is like. -D

Having a discussion between these findings and other hppd related findings would be fascinating -Dukkha

Hey, you may have problems but you are not your problems. You are bigger than your problems. You may go ahead and dig yourself deeper into the hole with drugs, but you have realized that there are problems (this is a pretty big acheivement actually). You have been given a special oppourtunity to be aware of what's wrong because, then, you are able to act on it and make a change. Not to downstate your situation, because its easier said than done, it will be fucking difficult. But, in the end, it will be more than worth it. Don't know where to start? Look inside and see what you tell yourself. Because I think you already know. Dukkha

This might be a common theme among the members here. Some of those of us who are on the uphill find ourselves smoking weed and drinking. Nothing out of control but it seem natural to question if we are falling again into the same pattern that orignally caused our HPPD. This is something I'm struggling with myself. I don't smoke anymore and I can't really tell you if it would trigger another HPPD episode. But i started drinking lots of caffeine and a lot of them times it makes me feel awful. And tripped out. My gut feeling tells me just to quit while I'm ahead and keep breathing deep full breathes. I have to say though, that after being around many stoners, the weed isn't doing much for them at all!! The difference between when I wasn't smoking weed and when I was (pre-HPPD) was almost as significant as not having DP/DR and having it, so with HPPD I imagine that clearheaded-ness we all seek would be that much more in reach if you put the joint down. Dukkha

I had taken psychedelics in the past, primarily psyilocybin mushrooms, but the last psychedelic I took was either 2c-i or 2c-b. Not sure which but it doesn't matter much now. I had a pretty bad trip on it, but about 6 months later I started feeling different. (Now I recall that during my mushroom period I could see minor visuals but didn't make much note of it.) I felt like I could not open my eyes properly and just felt off. That is how dp/dr feels for me now. I was only smoking and drinking but not very heavily at this point. However, also during this point I was going through some transitions. Old girlfriend, new girlfriend. Moving from one state to another. Quiting work, starting school. I didn't feel stressed but there must have been some underlying stress that triggered it because I suddenly started tripping and was on a several month long bad trip. Literally. I'm lucky because it has significanlty decreased. The constant anxiety that was around my neck is completely gone, but the visuals I'm afraid wil remain here for my whole life. Don't feel sorry for me because I got lucky since, while though I did have sever HPPD, the severity was only short lived. Now it is rather mild and I'm living life. Hope that helps. So to answer your question - no, it wasn't from continuing drugs/alcohol/weed. It just happened due to, at least I believe, a stress trigger. Dukkha

I must have been 16 or 17 when i first tripped. But it wasnt til i was 19 and took some research chemicals that i got hppd. Not to mention i got hppd half a year after using them. -D

Well some people, like myself for example, experienced minor HPPD for a period of time before it became full blown. Others', unlike mine, HPPD was triggered by smoking weed. They went a long time smoking with no negative effects before it got real bad. Take your visuals as a warning sign and be careful. -D

I'm afraid that fragementing ourselves into multiple boards and multiple facets is only going to weaken the community. Duukkha