URGENT- I NEED SUPPORT - My first week with HPPD

[Roman]

I'm Roman and almost 50 years old 

 

I'm disabled diagnosed with bipolar with psychotic features, severe panic attacks, and other disorders 

 

I live alone and have absolutely no support system although I've done everything I can to get help 

 

I tried to go to the emergency room twice recently with no treatment 

 

My doctor gave up on me after tests including a brain MRI

 

My symptoms aren't so much visual hallucinations although some of that persists, however the things I've suffered from this past week are agonizing and can't find much to alleviate the daily symptoms 

 

It's been a living hell, with the occasional times where the extreme nightmare experience seems to go away for minutes, sometimes a few hours at a time, but there's always some kind of symptom combination every waking hour

 

I'm willing to go into more detail and need answers, ideas, and most importantly, a reason to keep fighting for my life 

Edited August 9, 2022 by Roman
I added to the title about it being urgent and needing support

[Roman]

Thanks for the views 

 

I'd really like to make a friend 

 

I don't have anyone I can talk to

[cosmiccharlie]

I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you.  The first few weeks can be scary, try and remain calm and believe that you'll make it through.  Feel free to send me a private message if you'd like to connect. 

[Akshay]

Just visual hallucinations isn't hppd . Can you tell us more about your visual issues ? And ya you got a friend in me, you can call me or direct dm me 

My what's app no - + 91 8310965441

[Jay1]

Yes, please indicate why you think you have hppd. Did you take drugs recently, what are your symptoms? 

I'm sorry to hear you are in pain, but it could further damage you to mis-diagnose.

The safe things you can start to do though are to stop taking any drugs (not meds), stop taking caffeine and try to de-stress... whatever helps you take your mind of this, films, tv, games, getting out in nature etc

[Roman]

7 hours ago, Akshay said:

Just visual hallucinations isn't hppd . Can you tell us more about your visual issues ?

Visual stuff isn't much of an issue...

 

Here's most of what I came up with Saturday at the emergency room...

Severe depression 
Panic attacks 
Trouble sleeping 

Fatigue 

Loss of appetite 

Jaw paralysis 

Cold numbness hands feet

Heart palpitations 
Irregular heartbeat 

Blood pressure changes 

Muscle spasms 
Tremors 

Upset stomach 

Shortness of breath 

Thirsty often 

Rapid urination 

Unable to retain fluids 

Dizziness 

Foggy thinking 

Light headed

Tingling in lower left side

Recovering from passing out last June 

 

[Roman]

3 hours ago, Jay1 said:

what are your symptoms

Thanks Jay 

 

I replied to Ak shay with my previous symptoms and need to add a few more...

 

If I go outside in the heat my face burns like a bad sunburn, recently other things have triggered this like certain foods... since last week I've had sexual dysfunction and more absent minded 

 

It's been suggested to stop cannabis but a few hits once or twice a night actually helps with some of the twitching and maybe insomnia and racing thoughts however it makes me trip and tinnitus 

 

Since the 8th I've felt numbness and Tingling and pressure in my frontal lobe and dizzying and took an ibuprofen yesterday to test 

 

 

[Akshay]

I don't think you have hppd, you got to have a lot of visual issues or falshbacks, you have more of physical issue

[Jay1]

Yea, it doesn't sound like HPPD to me either. 

You mention you have bipolar with psychotic features... A few of my friends have similar and cannabis is one of the worst things to aggravate their symptoms. Is it really worth it for the help with twitching/insomnia? Could you maybe try a high CBD, very low THC strain? 

Can you think of anything else that has triggered this spike in symptoms? Maybe stress or illness?

[Roman]

Jay and Ak, please read

 

I'm tripping 24/7 and most of the time it's like I'm trapped in a bad trip

 

The bad trip is triggering debilitating panic attacks similarly if I'm on shrooms and paranoid and anxious but they come so often and heavily that I can't recover fast enough before the next episode, which is typically when I wake up and only able to sleep for twenty to sixty minutes at a time, sometimes over a few hours but only to wake up shaking and terrified 

 

On another online forum, there are others with HPPD who suffer with similar mental disorders and experience a similar hell

 

If this isn't a form of HPPD, what is it? I've already spoken to two specialists who haven't told me they disagree with my self diagnosis 

[Jay1]

If there are no ongoing, 24/7 visual symptoms, then it would likely be classed as DP/DR (Depersonalisation and Derealisation). That is what I have always considered at fault for my own constant feelings of trippiness. 

You really need to stop smoking weed. You will have next to no chance of any recovery if you are smoking daily.

Whether you have HPPD or DP/DR is almost moot at this point... It seems that both issues are exasperated and dampened by the same things. No more drugs, no more caffeine, eat healthy, work out, distract yourself, de-stress yourself.  If you get very desperate, benzos can help alleviate some of that trippy feeling (that and alcohol are the only two things that I have had any success with, both carry serious negatives  and addiction potential though, so tread carefully)

[Akshay]

@Roman i seriously doubt what your facing is hppd, the felling of being in a high state is dp/dr, and it's not hppd it's kinda like PTSD. Post traumatic stress  disorder. Its makes your relive your bad trip. I completely understand that it can be so bad and causing you anxiety. If you have even one of the visual snow symptoms i could have agreed you have hppd but you don't . I belive you have some kind of flashbacks which will go eventually. I strongly recommend you not to take shrooms of all the shit out there . And also recommend you to get good sleep for 3 months , without any meds or weed. Your brain need it's natural chemistry to rewire. In the mean time just try breathing exercises to clam your anxiety

 

 

Without you having any visual issues we can't say it hppd 

 

I'm leaning more to PTSD

 

As for i can see from your stories ,i don't think it's hppd from my side .

[Akshay]

I have experienced PTSD, with hppd. It's almost the same. The symptoms you have mentioned can also be caused to high anxiety. For me i sided to sober. The day would go good and suddenly the flashbacks used to hit, and i used to fell like I'm on the trip

[Hppd1973]

Roman, contrary to what other's have said HPPD can indeed cause physical symptoms due to the stress and/or panic and depression it can cause. That doesn't mean all of your symptoms are from HPPD, the hyperawareness you're feeling is causing you to feel every small symptom (even benign things feel major) I know as I experienced many symptoms after hiding what was going on at age 15. The longer it goes without treatment, the more the anxiety builds and causes symptoms. Being age 50 makes your body even more vulnerable to stress and the symptoms it produces. Find a good neurologist or neuropsychiatrist who understands HPPD and the effects LSD can have on people. Also, the Pot may seem like it's helping in the short run, but over time it will make things worse.