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Hello everyone! Kaleidoscope here! I haven't posted in awhile but want to mention that the problem of de-realization is worsening the older I get. So, now, it has been exactly 52 years since I developed HPPD. I am about to become 65 and since I am sensing age in many ways I also am noticing the escalation of the de-realization phenomenon. This has been for me the very worst symptom of HPPD. It seemed like, so far anyway, that symptoms were not worsening but lessening, but, not lately. I think I must have the very most severe case I've ever heard of. I was but a child...by the way, in this photo I was almost 13 and had developed HPPD about a month before this was taken. I simply didn't know what would become of me!

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Edited by Kaleidoscope
Misspelling, addition of info
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Hi, sorry to hear about your conditioning worsening with age... It's a big worry for me too, as I already feel like i'm slipping into some kind of dementia at 44.

DR really is the worst... I can deal with the visuals, I can just about get past the anxiety... but feeling like i'm tripping still is just the worst, especially in social situations where everyone else is just in a normal mental state. 

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Jay1 this sounds so much like my experience. My very first trip was with Lsd-Orange Barrel double-dome in 1969. It was way too much for me!  I  remember  the feeling of de-realization and it was this sensation that made me feel out of control. The only person who was aware of my " flashbacks" was my older brother and when I was in any situation with a lot of people I would ask him to keep a watch on me simply because I did not feel I was there.  Of course, I didn't have a name for it or understand it but it was very frightening.  I would like to study more about this particular perception. Any recommendations right off hand? Thanks!🙃

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Jay, just curious, is De-realization the primary perception of what you would call tripping? Just trying to pinpoint since the feeling that somehow your feet aren't quite on the ground would fall under de-realization, no? The term is one I had never heard of until a few years back via this forum and when I read it as one of the symptoms of HPPD I couldn't believe I had finally found a name for this perception. In thinking about this particularly it comes on when I am fatigued, in a different place or in a crowd and perhaps from too much caffeine. Thanks Kaleidoscope 🎡

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People tend to put derealisation and depersonalisation together (dpdr). That combo is probably what best describes the trippy feeling. Derealisation being that dreamy, unreal feeling combined with depersonalisation, where you don't feel fully attached to your body.

If i'm feeling really floaty, I sometimes pinch myself as hard as I can on the arm, seems to snap me back into reality a bit! 

I think in a previous post, you mentioned you don't take any meds... While i'd never want to push anyone down that route, it is worth noting that benzos do take the dpdr away a bit, if you ever need a break (just make sure to research a lot before you ever try such a med). 

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Soz, not been on for a while - and Kaleidoscope, out stories are very much the same - Jay, funny you mention pinching yourslelf, my latest 'thing' is popping my ears and giving myself a pinch on the cheek when im feeling really floaty as you say - these little things defo get us through this thing we live with!

 

 

 

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Haha! I do look a little spacey huh? I'm doing good. I still face all the visuals such as floaters, trails, colors, breathing walls just to name a few. These are toned down considerably but still there and more apparent when in a crowded busy place or if I am tired. As I mentioned the de-realization is the worst but I've just learned to sail through it. For me, it has been better to get my mind off of it as much as possible.

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On 7/26/2022 at 3:22 AM, Jay1 said:

People tend to put derealisation and depersonalisation together (dpdr). That combo is probably what best describes the trippy feeling. Derealisation being that dreamy, unreal feeling combined with depersonalisation, where you don't feel fully attached to your body.

If i'm feeling really floaty, I sometimes pinch myself as hard as I can on the arm, seems to snap me back into reality a bit! 

I think in a previous post, you mentioned you don't take any meds... While i'd never want to push anyone down that route, it is worth noting that benzos do take the dpdr away a bit, if you ever need a break (just make sure to research a lot before you ever try such a med). 

Thank you Jay! I am super paranoid of anything that alters my state of consciousness...little late for that 🙃 but sure don't want to add any fuel to the fire!

Edited by Kaleidoscope
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Would like to add that in pondering this malady or fine mess we`'ve gotten ourselves into I often feel it brings on sensory overload. For me the lights never go out and the noises never quieten down.  Do you know what I mean? For this reason I really gravitate toward a very quite way of life. I don't even have electricity and I'm in bed same time as my chickens. To visit places that have big screen T.V.s is overwhelming and the thought of going to a movie would be pure torture. Needless to say it leads to a less than sociable life. A traffic jam at night in a city might send me to a mental ward.

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8 hours ago, Kaleidoscope said:

Would like to add that in pondering this malady or fine mess we`'ve gotten ourselves into I often feel it brings on sensory overload. For me the lights never go out and the noises never quieten down.  Do you know what I mean? For this reason I really gravitate toward a very quite way of life. I don't even have electricity and I'm in bed same time as my chickens. To visit places that have big screen T.V.s is overwhelming and the thought of going to a movie would be pure torture. Needless to say it leads to a less than sociable life. A traffic jam at night in a city might send me to a mental ward.

You sound like you are living my dream life... I really want to live out in the country somewhere and just look after animals and nature and move away from technology. Sadly, in England, that lifestyle is pretty much only for the rich. 

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On 8/2/2022 at 3:01 AM, Jay1 said:

You sound like you are living my dream life... I really want to live out in the country somewhere and just look after animals and nature and move away from technology. Sadly, in England, that lifestyle is pretty much only for the rich. 

 

On 8/2/2022 at 3:01 AM, Jay1 said:

You sound like you are living my dream life... I really want to live out in the country somewhere and just look after animals and nature and move away from technology. Sadly, in England, that lifestyle is pretty much only for the rich. 

Maybe there are still some places in U.K. :)https://www.indiependent.co.uk/an-interview-with-earth-prophet-emma-orbach/

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Yea, Wales is a bit cheaper and more relaxed on what you can do with land... But that means leaving all our friends and family. If it was just me, i'd certainly think about moving to another country (Thaliand!), but I have to think about my wife too. She's open to living an off grid life, but needs to be close enough to visit family.

We are currently looking into living on a boat. You can live tax/fee free on a boat as long as you move to a different mooring every 2 weeks... Could be a nice way to be in nature without the $750k+ price tag.

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On 8/2/2022 at 3:01 AM, Jay1 said:

You sound like you are living my dream life... I really want to live out in the country somewhere and just look after animals and nature and move away from technology. Sadly, in England, that lifestyle is pretty much only for the rich. 

 

On 8/2/2022 at 3:01 AM, Jay1 said:

You sound like you are living my dream life... I really want to live out in the country somewhere and just look after animals and nature and move away from technology. Sadly, in England, that lifestyle is pretty much only for the rich. 

Maybe there are still some places in U.K. :)https://www.indiependent.co.uk/an-interview-with-earth-prophet-emma-orbach/

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