New guy, 2 month battle and counting

[James91]

Hi all, firstly my upmost respect and best wishes to all who are struggling with H.p.p.d or anything symtomatically Simular, please please lets keep fighting for the necessary information we need and to spread awareness of this not only for eachother but also for the family/loved ones of a person who is affected by this as no doubt they can become a secondary casualty of sorts.

My story of ongoing hell started 2 months ago and counting, I'm a 30 year old male, a Typical health nerd, gym type guy, in a full time electrician career with a part time military career on the side, this alongside being a dad to a 9 year old...who is my absolute word.

Regardless of the amazing things I have built up and achieved for myself I have always been hard on myself in thinking I could be better...as most of us do, recently I'd come across this resergeance of phycadellics, with it seemingly promoting so many reported benifts to cognition and general life that I got sucked in and ultimately began cherry picking positive sounding research to the point where I put myself in a state of denial over the real risks that I was reading being touted as extreamly low.

Even as a guy who never smoked drinked, had ever touched a drug and was always weary about them this false belief got me to a stage where I grew some Shrooms from a kit, this being as I thought it would be the safest way to take it, all be it I was not sure how well they turned out and I suspect some contamination occured within part of the grow, regardless of this I nibbled the top off of a fresh mushroom (about the size of a shirt button) and within 30 minutes what started never really left, my vision had changed, I felt slower and depersonalisation and derelisation set in, after a crap night sleep I was shocked to find this didn't subside, from there on I've have not slept propely where I am constantly in a dream all night in but in such a shallow way it feels like I have barely had any sleep, this I believe is due to not now being able to properly transition into the deeper states of restoritive sleep, this has been a real kicker for me, as it's comunalitive effects saw me pass out from exhaustion and end up in a mental hospital, where the only response there was to try and dose me with typical sleep aids and s.s.r.i meds.

Doctors and all alike are baffled with what do as many of you may know, this seems to be so misunderstood and so getting some form of diagnosis is hard.

But really my biggest pain is the effect it has already had and the ongoing effect it will have on my loved ones and what I have built in life, I have been so distant, numb and outright scared shitless, it's effects are so consuming, that it has turned me upside down.

I am trying my best to come up with answers and to stay strong, any usefull info and tips I find that help I will be sure to share around.

I am so greatfull for this website as a platform and place for trying to help eachother and bringing light to what is a horrible thing to go through.

Stay strong

James

[MadDoc]

@James91 Welcome to the forum and thank you for writing down what you're going through.  Some advice from an old guy, try not to be too hard on yourself.  Nobody plans on getting hppd symptoms and the "experts" out there often downplay the probability of getting hppd (if they mention it at all). 

Give yourself some time.  Psychedelics can really shake you up and it can take time to reset, so be patient.  Try not to dwell on thoughts like "I'll have this forever".  I realize this isn't as easy as it sounds.  

What helped me was getting focused on the things that mattered the most to me.  My children, wife, career, and the things that helped with relaxation like exercise and meditation (it really worked for me).  Try to stay positive and be kind to yourself.

I've never taken prescription medications for hppd, so I can't say anything about that.

Dig through this site.  There are a lot of bright people who have posted some valuable information. 

Hang in there and keep posting.  Sometimes it helps to just "let it out".  You also never know when something you've posted might help someone else.

You're not alone.  Hang in there.

 

[Gast1y]

OP, as you said, you haven't touched a single drug never ever?

 

As if for contamination for the kit, why would you suspect it? Was it green, brown, what was it? Maybe some pictures?

 

Thanks!

[Ludwig Ahlgren]

Don't worry dp/dr from shrooms should subside quite fast actually.

If you got any visualsnow or other symptoms except them go away more an more overtime as you stay away from mind altering substances.

Consider yourself lucky kind of if you ONLY got dp/dr. Not in the short term because dp/dr is very painful to go through. But in the long term once your free you should be able to live a normal life without any problems.

 

[James91]

@Gast1y nope I've always stayed clear, there were two pots one had a musbroom with some type of black growth on it which smelled quite strong, the other pot seemed fine but also the mushrooms smelled very strong, I thought this was normal :/, sorry no pics regretabley I binned it straight away

[James91]

@Ludwig Ahlgren has been nearly 4 months so far I feel like it has eaten me up, I've had no obvious visual symotoms, all phycological, the worst being I can't sleep when I try I fall into psychotic getting dillusional thoughts and then I often wake up out of this state almost consistently until, and when I do drift off it's involves very vivid dreams that I seem to be able to completely recall, I feel like if could sleep my brain would help heal, I do feel that psychadellic substances damage the CNS system and cause abnormal autonomic dysfunction which activates the parasympathetic system that then creates the anxiety feeling which lends to restless sleep :/, tought to say, can I ask if you had simular symptoms?

[Akshay]

Visual symptoms are the worst, atleast you don't see anything creepy, i think a lot of meditation and walks in the nature should cure your mental issues, i see shit 24/7 , when i sleep and when i wake up, i read a book i see the pages create a after images , visual symptoms are really the worst, mediate 2 twice a day for half an hour, every times your brain shifts to any thought, bring it back and only observe your breath, just observe your breath, if you don't have any visual symptoms you should heal pretty quickly, do intense exercise, not like half an in the gym, you should have sweat dripping from you and do a lil more , you will definitely be over come this, i strongly belive we need to shut down or brain, by that i mean you should start getting sleep with dreams prior to hppd ,the more you get sleep like that the better chance of recovery, maybe try , 0.25 my of klonpin for a week, take a tolence break 2 days once 

Shut your brain down

 

 

[Akshay]

If your tierd enough you will sleep good, i never used to get any dreams before hppd, 

[James91]

Thanks for your response Akshay, although I do not see anything creepy unfortunately my thoughts since the onset of this and the derealisation make up for it...and some, I have made a sleep routine that involves a lot of aspects that seem to have improved my sleep somewhat, tho I dream everynight which is odd.

I hope you get better to bud,

Inbox me if you want to chat and share tips pal I'd love to chat more :). 

P.s to anyone reading this please keep your head up and keep fighting if you can't do that atleast float and go with it but do not give up, we got this

[Beefol]

Hey @James91,

 

how are you now?

[James91]

Hi @Beefol I wish I could say I'm better but I am still suffering each day, not much has changed....if anything