Dating someone with HPPD

[Annie]

Hello(:

my name is Annie, and I started dating my amazing boyfriend Kai a few months ago. I love him, absolutely crazy about him. He has HPPD with a sister diagnosis of anxiety. I do not have HPPD but I do suffer from GPD and Social anxiety. So I understand his anxiety. This is where my question comes from; if you were dating someone, and you have hppd, what would you want them to know? Kai is a little closed off about it, because he is now 5 years sober from drugs, and 3 year sober from alcohol so he really doesn’t like going into the details of it, and what he did when he was under the influence. So what would you want your significant other to know, recognize, do to help, etc.? I know his medications, when he should take them, what makes his visuals worse and all that but I want to do more for him. 

Thank you for reading and responding!! (:

[Onemorestep]

A pleasure to meet you Annie! Thanks for dropping in--its so nice to see someone willing to take an active role in understanding and helping another with HPPD  We don't see a whole lot of people like you coming on and it's quite refreshing.

Lets see what would I want my significant other to know... Probably just what you are doing now. Try and empathize with his struggles with it! He really seems to have things under control though. Im glad to hear he is sober as that is a must for almost all with hppd (I guess those with very very light hppd can still enjoy substances but usually nothing heavy and only in moderation). What someone needs when they are in a relationship with HPPD varies greatly from individual to individual. Don't push him to talk about it, but it doesn't hurt to tell him if he ever wants to you'll be there to listen and not judge.

I'd definitely want them to know how much stress can inflame this disorder and that its important that they are a positive influence in my life in that regard. This doesn't mean we cant be at odds at time (what couple isnt) but it does mean that I would like to handle disagreements in as mature a fashion as possible as to minimize stress. I know that if I was dating someone with hppd, I would take extra precaution to not stress them out even when I'm mad/hurt/feeling off because I would know I'm actually making them sick when I do inflict stress. 

Sometimes I get very overwhelmed with the thought that I'm never going to get better or the old me is lost forever. It can be nice to have someone who will listen to such things and tell me they enjoy me for who I am now.

Mostly I would just like my significant other to know that the way I experience the world is vastly different than they do. At times it can be very overwhelming and more important than anything is just that they provide support and love as I would them. Being in a healthy relationship can really help a person with HPPD as it provides such a magical sense of safety and mental comfort.

If you have any questions about HPPD feel free to PM me  

[Jay1]

Hi Annie,

The very best thing my wife does for me is to allow me space if I am quiet and to understand that it is not her fault in any way when I am distant. Sometimes small talk is hellish, even with the people we love. You probably know this feeling from suffering with anxiety yourself.