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hppd long gone...but still getting panic attacks after taking moderate doses of drugs


trip into hell
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greetings!

 

about 8 month ago an overdose of 7g of shrooms caused me to acquire hppd + dpd (depersonalization disorder)..

 

these days my hppd is wiped but still have slight dpd.

 

has anyone of you the same fucking probs as me when it comes to drug use.

 

my hppd has faded about 41/2 month ago and i still get panic attacks when i exceed microdoses of drugs...it scares me big time just as much as its annoying that i cant enjoy it  ...

 

has anyone of you had similar experiences and what did you do to be able to (for example) smoke high doses of weed at all costs.

 

thanks in advance...

 

and please dont tell me i shouldnt take drugs or smoke weed n' stuff..i was smoking bud for 7 years and havent ever had any problems.

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Alot of us here had a long, problem free drug history before getting hppd/dpd. The fact that you/we now have problems when we take drugs is the only thing that is relevant.

 

Mental health isn't linear or predictable.

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It can be restored, it can get worse, it can stay the same. That's pretty much the dictionary definition of non predictable.

 

If you really want to get high, you will want to look down the opiate route, which seems to be about the "safest" for hppd sufferers. Of course, it brings about it's own risks.

 

If you absolutely have to go down the hallucinogen route, maybe look at amanita muscaria. I have had 2-3 experiences on them, post hppd, and it didn't make me worse, in fact it reduced my anxiety for a few weeks. I was micro dosing though. They are a potent GabaA agonist, which is why I decided to role the dice.

 

This is by no means a recommendation though, but chemically, it looks a little safer than doing lsd/shrooms.

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ok but i guess there is always a way to get back to point zero unless one did serious damage to his/her brain.

 

i have no more hppd but dpd and dpd is about anxiety and panick attacks not visual...and after the anxiety is over i always get back to normality..means there is no permanent worsening of my condition...but its getting better with time and awareness

 

yeah im already on the opiate/opioid road..its nice

 

thanks.. i will look into amanita muscaria to see if it works...i always try new naturals

 

did you try lsa in your time of hppd?

 

i want to smoke big amounts of weed again and hope it will work one day..this is my main problem..i really like weed and im still waiting for a friends medical grow :P

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I've never done LSA, but i'm pretty sure it works on the 5HT receptors, like LSD, so will pose the same hppd risks.

 

Careful with naturals, they are the strongest of them all... (Salvia, Ayahuasca, Psilocybin etc)... Amanita has a different method (non 5HT) but it can still cause very strong trips... It's what made the vikings crazy!

 

Hopefully your strong CBD weed will allow you to smoke like before, without any problems (I hope the same for me, if I can ever find any!)

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yes it works on the same receptors but im unsure about the actual effect since ive done it many times before hppd and dpd and it has a psychedelic as well as a calming effect.

 

i know naturals can be very strong but thats why i love them...due to their profound effects on human consciousness :D

 

where i live amanita is said to be toxic and even deadly...which makes it pretty interesting for me to hear of it as a drug..not as poison

 

lets see what the cbd potent strain can do for me..i have to wait 2 month for it still...but my friend is an awesome grow pro and the plants look extremely healthy power- and beautiful already so im really looking forward to the result  :lol: 

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Yea, we have the same myth here that it will kill you if you eat it. It does contain some poison, but not much... Just learn online how to prepare it.

 

It is interesting reading the history about Aminitas, the vikings used them before wat... Some people think their use by the ancient Sumerians led to the concept of religions.

 

This is quite a cool therory about mushrooms/religion.. One of several - http://www.atlanteanconspiracy.com/2008/09/jesus-christ-magic-mushroom-part-1.html

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Well, the bible has shit like Noah living in a whale's stomach, talking bushes on fire and a boat big enough to hold all the world's animals! It is not literal.

 

Read the link I provided. The bible (and other major religions) talk alot about things that they eat to see god/s... Most of which sound like some kind of mushrooms/fungi.

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 i didnt say i believe in the bible (its bullshit) nor im religious...there is no god n stuff...the only thing i know is that there is something godlike..an uncontrolled force that consists of pure love and energy and is able to assist us under the influence of certain substances it seems to be the link between two worlds.

 

i can absolutely relate to the idea that its a mushroom or something else with psychedelic effects they ingested to get in touch with ''god'' or nature..even though the religions these days are totally against doing substances to achieve altered states, wisdom and experience forgiveness. i bet in the past these substances were their tools (gateway to ''god'*')

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yea, that's pretty much what the article describes... I don't think they would put "and we ate a red and white mushroom and saw god" because then all the normal people could do it too... I think hallucinogens were often kept away from the masses and just used by people in power (or via a shamen). But I think alot of the bible and other texts are from trips, they are too crazy not to be!

 

I have similar views to you, btw... Don't believe in religion, but do believe there are intelligent beings/forces out there that we can occasionally tap into.

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nice and i think the view an awakened individual has on life allows no other conclusion than that there is and always was something higher out there that loves us and is able to guide us to perfection.

 

i think the same about the stories they sound like trips its obvious...so why expecting something else...

 

most people i know would go crazy if they knew that their religion and almost everything in life is about using the right substances...

they would call me a dopefiend if i tell them :P

 

btw. i have a new goal in my life...i want to go to the amazon and try ayahuasca to end my suffering in life

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It is a thought I have had too, maybe a properly guided trip with a shaman could remove whatever hppd is, in a spiritual sense.... but it is a huge gamble, as DMT is, at a chemical level, still just triggering the 5HT receptors that I believe cause alot of the problems.

 

I would love to chat to a shaman about hppd though, maybe they know other plants and herbs that would help. The ancient shamans were considered almost outcasts, very strange and only talked to when the king/s needed guidance.... they probably had all kinds of hppd/dp/dr etc.

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maybe ...but if they had hppd they wouldnt call it a cure...and i know whats an awakening trip like on high doses of mushrooms and lsa...these trips always grounded me deep into reality and i never had even similar effects to hppd/dp/dr until one day i made a misstake...this leads me to believe that ayahuasca is not the same but all guided trips on psychedelics are healing..and all these psychedelics have high molecular similarities aya is just the strongest and seems to have the most healing potential.

 

 all  lsd, dmt, mescalin, lsa, psilocin ..are said to increase the ngf a lot while tripping...i think this works if you just have the right guidence/experience on your trip...i dont think shamans have hppd  i was once reading that they asked 1000 native american mescalin shamans and not one of them has ever heard of hppd or its symptoms...i guess hppd can only be aquired by tripping wrong (overdose or wrong setting)... i think they never did these misstakes and thats why they dont have hppd or similar

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If hppd is fed by anxiety, and a culture is not made anxious by a changed perception, then they wouldn't get hppd.

 

They also will have a genetic protection against pyschs, much like alot of westerners have a natural protection against alcohol (compared to, say, Asians) due to millennia of usage by their ancestors.

 

But be careful with Aya.... there have been people on this forum that have seen massive increases in symptoms from taking aya, even with Shamans.

 

It is such a shame that the old forum was deleted (with the database)... about 95% of all the old stories have gone.

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ya thats so sad...and why has the old forum been deleted?

 

of course they are not afraid of psychedelics because they dont have stupid cliches and no anti drug movements within their society. its a pity that almost every healthy or consciousness expanding substance is strictly prohibited today..that makes it difficult to impossible to have a pleasant experience on psychedelics..and its a sign that we live in a society that is suppressed as any society in the past...they just dont want us to know how life works.

 

it might be true that aya increases symptoms if you have hppd but mine is long gone..i would just do it to cure my anxiety disorder...even though its possible that i will have the worst panic attack of my life during the trip..thats the only thing im a little afraid of...i dont care about hppd anymore

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it might be true that aya increases symptoms if you have hppd but mine is long gone..i would just do it to cure my anxiety disorder...even though its possible that i will have the worst panic attack of my life during the trip..thats the only thing im a little afraid of...i dont care about hppd anymore

 

You still don't quite get it mate.... Your hppd isn't long gone...  it is so naive to think that....  You are clearly susceptible to hppd and, if you keep pushing your luck, you WILL get severe hppd. Severe hppd does not go away after a few months..... severe hppd does not allow you to smoke any weed or even a couple of beers without having to deal with a world of anxiety the next day..... severe hppd will send your dp/dr and anxiety to a completely new level.

 

You seem a clever guy but have this fatal flaw to not be able to grasp the incredibly lucky situation you are now in, where you have recovered from a mild version of hppd and might never have to face the intense nightmare that some of us are going through.

 

"i dont care about hppd anymore" keep going with pyschs and this will be the defining statement of your life, one that you will look back on most nights and think "why didn't i just fucking listen".

 

I have said a few times on this forum.... I would rather have both my arms and legs cut off and a clear mind than have severe hppd and that is the 100% truth... Think about that for a minute, think about where your current mental disorder is... Then think about why I hope you are never in this position.

 

I am in this situation because I took pyschs and mdma (both thought of as potential cures for anxiety) after I went through various stages of mild hppd and not so mild anxiety, like you have.

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thanks

 

right..but dont think i didnt get the severity of your situation i know what true regret means and i dont think life is easy for you.

 

and the fact is i had pretty severe hppd and thought i will experience this hell and fucked my brain forever...but one day it was completely gone all at once...i dont know what exactly was the trrigger for my cure but what i do know is it was'nt mild hppd at all..it was like my nickname says a trip into hell for me.

 

im sure you dont want someone in your position..as ive learned through my hppd..there is suffering in life you dont wish for your worst enemy.

 

of course i dont want hppd back.

 

i was just asking myself if i could kick the rest of my anxiety disorder out of my life...to live a full life of enjoyment again...i know from your position it seems like i just cant get enough ...but i dont want to give up getting rid of the shit...for me its worth dying for to go back to full health and live a full life in freedom and peace instead of agony and regret for the rest

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ok,, so in that case your mind has healed very quickly from severe hppd, so why not see if you can heal from the anxiety too without drugs/meds?

 

I know it is easy to get caught up in the fantasy of Aya being this all powerful healing tool, but it is another road back to severe, lifelong hppd... I just don't really understand why you would take the risk when you are on the road to recovery. I think that you are, perhaps sub consciously, trying to justify using hallucinogens again by adding the healing tag to the risk equation.

 

I would bet that just journeying into the amazon would heal your anxiety anyway! Travelling can really break anxiety down.

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i dont know but im trying to do it even if i get cured completely without hallucinogens...i want to expand my consciousness to the highest level and doing aya is the only way to get there...it was always my dream...i once smoked dmt but i did it wrong by burning it in a bong it needs to be vaped at 43 degree

 

i really hope it is the powerful medicine as the natives prescribe it...but its also not very hard to believe due to many success stories and drug history.

 

i dont want to fall back into a full blown hell...but if i do i have to kill myself...life is not worth the suffering again.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Your in a position to live a normal life. Quit being an idiot. I would do anything to have this go away. I did MDMA once, and since then I've lost my friends, my family, my future wife left me. I lost my dog and I'm unable to even cry after all of this. Before mdma I was 22 with my entire life in my hands, I had a degree and intelligence to make a big difference in this country and j made the mistake of taking three doses of mdma. I never in a million years thought this would happen.

Suicide is the only comfort I have knowing that I won't have to exist in my soulless lifeless body. I would do anything to be In your position. You should learn from this situation but you obviously haven't. Your going to end up like me kid. Your trying to expand your conciousness? Well your obviously not ready for whatever it is your conciousness exposed the last time you tripped. There's a lot of shit out there that will shatter your perception and next time it won't come back.

If anything go out there and live a normal life for us. Not for you, do it for the ones that did t get lucky like you .

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Your in a position to live a normal life. Quit being an idiot. I would do anything to have this go away. I did MDMA once, and since then I've lost my friends, my family, my future wife left me. I lost my dog and I'm unable to even cry after all of this. Before mdma I was 22 with my entire life in my hands, I had a degree and intelligence to make a big difference in this country and j made the mistake of taking three doses of mdma. I never in a million years thought this would happen.

Suicide is the only comfort I have knowing that I won't have to exist in my soulless lifeless body. I would do anything to be In your position. You should learn from this situation but you obviously haven't. Your going to end up like me kid. Your trying to expand your conciousness? Well your obviously not ready for whatever it is your conciousness exposed the last time you tripped. There's a lot of shit out there that will shatter your perception and next time it won't come back.

If anything go out there and live a normal life for us. Not for you, do it for the ones that did t get lucky like you .

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