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HPPD 2.5 year, feeling pretty bad


Byron
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Hi there,

 

Will briefly introduce myself and my story (all ours are very similar, so no need for extensive detail). Got HPPD DP/DR from smoking weed  (and smoking weed alone, never did anything else, not even alcohol) after an extreme tripping experience not normal for the normal weed user. Currently 18 years old.

 

I have no clue about how to continue my life. Obviously I'm still pretty young and a lot can change, but since these 2.5 year it more or less stayed the same, a part from a really bad peek of the last couple of weeks.

 

I study extensively, trying to fill every minute of every day with reading literature (sometimes hard because of visual snow, any tips here?), studying mathematics and pursuing my chemistry hobby (I built my own hobby lab and often perform organic reactions in it). I should be going to university next year. I enlisted for theoretical mathematics, because I like it and the teachers at my high school told me I was very talented. However, I only finished high school because the level was extremely easy for me (it is the highest level of high school education here and still finished cum laude while having continuous panic attacks while making the exams).

 

But I'm not sure what I can or must do. Obviously my life is in ruins at the moment, I even dislike seeing my best friends, not because I don't like them personally, but because I get extreme panic DP/DR when I have to engage in social interactions and I'm scared they will find me crazy. I think a lot about committing suicide, because I see no hope at all. I do not think I will be doing that however because I love my parents and friends a lot and am way to scared. I just want to illustrate the seriousness of my situation.

 

Well that was it for an introduction. I hope someone has some uplifting words to bring me a little bit of hope again...

 

Yours truly.

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Time heals man, suicide is no option. Maybe you can reduce some stress factors out of your life? Maybe a long vacation to do things you really like and feel alive again.

Always remember you kill your own pain, but people you leave behind will be broken. You cant do that.

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If you are still able to get good grades you should be able to work, contribute to your life, others, and society :)

You will probably be able to handle college too. I managed to finish. Keep going.

 

I'm pretty sure, I wouldn't (at least currently) be able to work. Studying can be done alone without ant interaction at my home. I panic when doing grocery shopping, but I push myself to do it to prevent agoraphobia (sorry I find this at least funny to say, because I was educated classical Greek, I know why agoraphobia is called agoraphobia, because the classical word for market is: Ἀγορά, pronounced agora, and Φόβος, means fear, thus fear of markets, or better put fear of going outside. Lol, just wanted to share, I don't know why. It makes me laugh).

 

Are there any chances for me for a decent recovery, since I'm still young and only did cannabis? Or doesn't this make any difference?

 

I'm seeing my physician next Tuesday and am going to ask for clonazepam. It seems that dr. Abraham had some good results using this drugs even beyond the administration period of the drug. Perhaps it can give me just that positive spin upwards. Any experiences or recommendations with this?

 

Also, I'm currently researching HPPD as well as neuroscience in extensive detail and probably writing a meta analysis of the current results in a tiny paper. Will announce it when finished.

 

Love.

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Byron, buddy, I think you have an excellent chance for recovery.  I'm sorry you've had such a rough time of it, but I can tell you that change is possible and when you're in the middle of something, that is the scariest time.  Many years ago I used to have the gnarliest social anxiety, and it would feel like I wasn't there (depersonalization), that I had nothing to contribute, and that others were just inherently better than me. But I fought for myself because I didn't want to live a life riddled with anxiety, and there IS IS help dude.  Therapy, some medication along the way, reading helpful books, getting more involved in things i loved (reading, sports, friends, eventually college, then much later a masters degree) all helped.  

 

I think the hardest thing about feeling anxious/panicky is the sense of being stuck, or that it will "always" be that way ("what will other people think?"), and having to hide it from other people, cuz there can be some shame that comes with it (and I think that's especially hard for us guys).  But if you're feeling panicky/anxious, then i'm sure you have your reasons, and your body/mind are telling you something.  

 

I wish you all the best in the world, hang in there, seek out help :)

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Well my name speaks for itself which man did I ever go through the trials and tribulations of "Now I'm into the 25th year of HfucknP.P.D. in 3d): (Lucky me). I won't elaborate on the specifics because anyone who truly has this plague realizes its exasperating interlocutor pacifics: << (Poetic devices) - hehehe!!

Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, How the hell did u get H.p.p.d. from smoking weed?? Mang!! Are u certain that it was not laced or sprayed with psychedelic drugs?? If not I have never heard of anyone getting this disorder from Tetrahydrocannabidols psychoactively speaking here of course.. This is a rare case my friend. I'm not trying to point any fingers here but does any kind of mental illnesses run in ur family?? If so u might want to look it up or research it just to make sure, u would know best of the symptoms ur feeling..

This disorder/disease is dam near relentless under the category of understanding it exactly.. It seems to find a placement with conventional pharmaceutical drugs associated with anti-psychotic, seizure, P.T.S.D. and other mental health problems. So far antidotes fall alongside the mentioned above disorders coincidentally.. Diet, exercising, sleep seems to assist in managing it.. Even nootropics seems to be a popular method.. However what ever floats ur boat my friend.

My advice to u personally speaking, sleep with as many girls as u can, lol.. Kidding mang, if u can try to stay busy hit ur self actualization write ur goals with plans and dates followed by ur solution to hppd symptoms systematically..<<[meaning when u have a terrible unsympathetic symptom how are u going to defeat it have at least to realistic ways problem solving it] This my friend will build ur self-worth, self-esteem, self-dignity and self-respect. These trait-persona's now are the survival skills u need to put in ur tool belt to function properly in this wacky wild Kool-Aid style world we live in.. It's definitely no walk in the park but it will give u the confidence that u need to prevail. Trust..

I have never met anyone personally with hppd that I'm aware of.. It seems so far or surrealist to me almost like a dream of discombobulated communication. However it would be kool to meet someone of my kind personally.. One day before I die (I'm starting to get really old now) it shall happen law of attraction really works!!^o^♡.♡Θ_Θ(~.^)(*_*)

Anyhoot kid, I think I have one of the worse cases of hppd including tinnitus (constant ringing of the ears) and every imaginable symptom of no sympathy from hppd that it can give.. It's like when hppd takes its right foot out of my ass it immediately, immeasurable puts its left foot right back in it.. Damever, I won't lie to yeah this is one treacherous voyage and not the easiest thing to deal with I'm sure u can relate considering the time duration u have had it for.. Reach ur goals stay positive and learn to laugh because that is ur healing grace and don't allow anyone to take that away from u.. Trust..

I'm living proof of this kind. Successful, happy, in love, have a grade 8 edumacation, I really shouldn't say that, 2 degrees << doesn't really mean anything but more bills to pay, 2 dogs, waterfront home, a good sense of humor, outdoor enthusiast, and still coping copiously as I type this to u..

My conclusion is simple: if u don't brake the incantation from this psychological disorder do not under any circumstances sink in the swamp of sadness. If so u will live out ur days in a heap of hell delivered to u in a hand basket.. (Have to come up with some more fresh modernized analogies and metaphors' lol). Keep focused and straight to obtain ur goals that will be ur antidote to this riddle of quest for answers.. Remember that ur not the only one with this type of extraterrestrial feeling.. I would not wish this defecation on anyone.. God save the Queen!!

ok mang I'm desperately falling asleep this novel has gone on to longhorn-ish.. I wish u well Brandoo stay away from all drugs keep optimistic and I think u have a real good chance beating this seriously.,

HPPD24LONGCRAZYDUCKINGYEARSCOULDUIMAGINELONGERTHANUHAVEBEENALIVE. take good care of yourself and others!!! Good nite..

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@lildavey

Thank you very much. I was thinking of taking some clonazepam for a short period (2 mo.), trying to get myself in an upward spiral. Sometimes I feel okay, and then I realize how fucked up everything is.

 

@hppd24years,

 

I have tinnitus too :)

It was really hell at first, it really was, but I'm kinda used to it now and it doesn't bother me anymore. Are you American?

 

My my weed was not laced, I'm 100% positive on that (I smoked from the same bag before and friend of me later). When I was still in denial (that was around 7 months ago) I still smoked weed every coupla a months and I got exactly the same extreme experience one time after taking 2 hits (or bowls as they call it in America?): feeling like nothing had any meaning and time didn't exist anymore. Felt like I was trapped in a crazy limbo for ever and that I was insane, could think at all. But anyway, I'm not bothering with drugs anymore. You wouldn't get me to smoke for a million dollars and I'm serious about that. Also I can't drink any beer or so, because I get the same sensation, albeit a bit milder, of completely tripping out.

 

As for any mental illness, no it doesn't run through the family, although I have autism (very high functioning, you wouldn't notice it even if you knew me all my life). I got all the stuff: tinnitus, dp/dr, visual snow, sensitivity towards light. All started immediately following that experience 2,5 years ago. I'm not aware this could be anything than HPPD and cannabis IS a hallucinogen.

 

Can I ask you how old you are?

 

I'm probably going to participate in the Diversity Immigration Lottery this year, so there is a good chance I'm visiting America pretty soon. Perhaps we meet one day haha!

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@lildavey

Thank you very much. I was thinking of taking some clonazepam for a short period (2 mo.), trying to get myself in an upward spiral. Sometimes I feel okay, and then I realize how fucked up everything is.

 

@hppd24years,

 

I have tinnitus too :)

It was really hell at first, it really was, but I'm kinda used to it now and it doesn't bother me anymore. Are you American?

 

My my weed was not laced, I'm 100% positive on that (I smoked from the same bag before and friend of me later). When I was still in denial (that was around 7 months ago) I still smoked weed every coupla a months and I got exactly the same extreme experience one time after taking 2 hits (or bowls as they call it in America?): feeling like nothing had any meaning and time didn't exist anymore. Felt like I was trapped in a crazy limbo for ever and that I was insane, could think at all. But anyway, I'm not bothering with drugs anymore. You wouldn't get me to smoke for a million dollars and I'm serious about that. Also I can't drink any beer or so, because I get the same sensation, albeit a bit milder, of completely tripping out.

 

As for any mental illness, no it doesn't run through the family, although I have autism (very high functioning, you wouldn't notice it even if you knew me all my life). I got all the stuff: tinnitus, dp/dr, visual snow, sensitivity towards light. All started immediately following that experience 2,5 years ago. I'm not aware this could be anything than HPPD and cannabis IS a hallucinogen.

 

Can I ask you how old you are?

 

I'm probably going to participate in the Diversity Immigration Lottery this year, so there is a good chance I'm visiting America pretty soon. Perhaps we meet one day haha!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 

Ummmm.. No I'm not American but North American, I guess, which would make me  "Canadian"!!!                          Yeah when I was younger the tinnitus didn't bother me as much but when it turned into Hyperacusis that's when it drives you crazy..                     Cannabis doesn't have hallucinogenic properties it's more of a Psychoactive accompanied by C.B.D's..  But some people do react to it differently than others apparently.. I do know that after receiving hddp then smoking weed it can definitely resurrect the bad trip for sure..                            I would love to meet you one day it would be kool as hell!!                                                I'm old enough to be your grampa!!  LOL!!!     I'm like in my forties to be honest..   Hppdshoudn'tbeatworktodaytobeautifuloutside!!!

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Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, How the hell did u get H.p.p.d. from smoking weed??

 

I'm also got hppd from smoking weed.

 

Byron, when you smoked weed, did you fill strong pulse, vertigo, tinnitus and strong visual snow? If yes, so the body just responded to drugs as to poison and got blood vessel damage. If you saw discoloration after smoking weed, so the weed was mixed with hallucinogenic drugs.

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I had an extremely rapid heartbeat, but that was more the anxiety I think. I don't remember having any visual effects during the trip, nor tinnitus or vertigo. I noticed them (except for vertigo, altough dp/dr can feel a bit like it) after tripping out.

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When I was in high school, I had lectures on the damage from drug abuse, they said that there are type of sensitive people (1 out of each 10) experiencing panic and anxiety when using the drugs, precisely those people injured much more.
Unfortunately, I realized this immediately after smoking and not before.

I understand what things make feeling HPPD, these are mood/panics/social anxiety/sit for long on the computer - all of this worsens 70% the HPPD.
So, if you will happy/tranquility/social active/make sport that HPPD can be felling only 30% and even less than.

Hope my English is not so bad to not understand what I wrote...

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I'm also got hppd from smoking weed.

 

Byron, when you smoked weed, did you fill strong pulse, vertigo, tinnitus and strong visual snow? If yes, so the body just responded to drugs as to poison and got blood vessel damage. If you saw discoloration after smoking weed, so the weed was mixed with hallucinogenic drugs.

Dam I never knew weed could give u hppd alone. Maybe u guys are allergic to it or something.. That's crazy mangs!!. Don't ever do psychedelics' they are alot stronger than weed.. Where are u guys from Anyhoot?? Maybe the weed is alot stronger than Canadian weed?

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Dam I never knew weed could give u hppd alone. Maybe u guys are allergic to it or something.. That's crazy mangs!!. Don't ever do psychedelics' they are alot stronger than weed.. Where are u guys from Anyhoot?? Maybe the weed is alot stronger than Canadian weed?

 

there are type of sensitive people (1 of each 10) experiencing panic and anxiety when using drugs, precisely those people injured much more.

 

And I'm from Israel.

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Dang it somebody just had to mention tinnitus because then my ears just had start ringing, lol!

 

Okay, I'm actually quite sure while it's possible to experience a brief case of HPPD and or DP/DR from smoking normal weed it takes something more like LSD, mushrooms, or MDMA to cause a permenant case. Now if you had tried hash that would be a slightly bigger issue but unless you bath yourself in the oil like the priests did waaaay back in the day you still won't see any real visuals. Try some salvia and then you'd have a reason to be concerned. In your case your symptoms will fade with time while in my case I know I'll always be a little screwed up but I can accept it.

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Yes, there are haha. But you must be eighteen years or older to get in. And its not actually legal, just tolerated.

Our Conservative Government and Health Canada just raised the minimum sentence for five plants and up to 6 months in jail upon conviction.. They are almost finished building a super jail to fill it up with pot smokers and growers apparently. It's absolutely horrible to put pot active peeps in jail for weed.. They promote tobacco, alcohol, pharmaceuticals, methadone and synthetic hill Billy heroin.. Harper and his constituents have a bad case of dyslexia. I better watch what I'm saying the Super Soldiers might get me.. Bye bye!!

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Dang it somebody just had to mention tinnitus because then my ears just had start ringing, lol!

 

Okay, I'm actually quite sure while it's possible to experience a brief case of HPPD and or DP/DR from smoking normal weed it takes something more like LSD, mushrooms, or MDMA to cause a permenant case. Now if you had tried hash that would be a slightly bigger issue but unless you bath yourself in the oil like the priests did waaaay back in the day you still won't see any real visuals. Try some salvia and then you'd have a reason to be concerned. In your case your symptoms will fade with time while in my case I know I'll always be a little screwed up but I can accept it.

Hash would be a slightly bigger issue from what?

And, if you mean ancient Israelite priests, then they used a blend of another several oils.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Byron,

 

You say you are high-functioning autistic.  Are you on any medications?

 

Often people with autism have high levels of serotonin and a weak dopamine system (such as T356M polymorphism which messes with dopamine transportation).  Also some may have higher levels of norepinephrine.

 

There is a parallel with HPPD.  Most HPPDers get worse with SSRIs which increase serotonin.  And some (perhaps 30%) get some help taking meds that increase dopamine.  And some have problems if they increase norepinephrine.

 

So discuss this with your doctor.  Try Klonopin first but see about meds that increase dopamine.

 

Anyway, food for thought ...

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  • 2 years later...

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