cs1234

Well guys I've been having pretty moderate DR lately. This quote ^ pretty much describes how I see everything. It just feels like nothing's real. It feels like I'm in a strange dream that I'm never gonna wake up from. It feels like none of my actions will have any consequences (even though I know they will so I don't do stupid stuff). Anyways, it's really really hard to describe what I feel like and none of these words do any justice except the aforementioned quote. I'm pretty sure this is DR though. What frightens me the most is DP. I've never really heard of anyone here having just DR and no DP, so I'm pretty scared that DP is gonna hit me soon. As I've stated before on this forum, I can't really see myself getting DP just because I'm such an outgoing person. However, in the first week that i got HPPD I had a DP/anxiety attack that lasted maybe 1 or 2 hours. I know it was DP because when I looked down at my arms they seemed strange and foreign. My HPPD was pretty bad back then. Since then I haven't really experienced DP but I'm just getting this really weird feeling that I suspect to be DR. What can I do stop this strange feeling? What can I do to prevent DP? I know DR/DP is just the body's natural way to respond to HPPD but knowing that doesn't really make it feel better.

Very inspiring, these are the kinds of stories that keep me going. I have a couple of questions though. When you meditated did you keep your eyes open or closed? The reason I ask this is because I see too much snow to focus when I close my eyes. Im assuming you were sober the whole time you were recovering, but if you weren't what did you take and how often? And when I say this I mean any drug including stuff like heavily caffeinated tea or coffee or cigs. How long did you have hppd? Can you describe the worst it ever was (outside of a flashback)? What was your worst symptom? Thanks in advance and I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say I'm really happy for you!

Just think about it...when people here think that years from now there's gonna be a cure for HPPD, they think about a pill. Maybe the answer lies somewhere else... *edit*-lol I just remembered theres like a whole other forum section about other remedies I thought I was onto something for a second

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing Lately I've been researching hppd a lot and have seen multiple internet sources relate it to post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Well, I was thinking maybe if HPPD was like PTSD then maybe the cures would be similiar. after researching treatments, i came across eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy. in a nutshell, its pretty much this therapy where you think about what your mind cant seem to let go of while your eyes follow a moving object. apparently, eye movement allows the brain to sort of 'unfreeze' itself (or at least thats what the guy who made this process thought). this last phrase kind of sunk into me, because even if you never had a bad trip and technically dont have ptsd, then maybe the brain just hasnt unfrozen itself from the trip; and maybe thats whats causing hppd. Anyway, this is merely my theory and I know the logic is flawed because there are people with hppd that have never tripped, but like I said its just my theory for people who got hppd from hallucinogens. So anyway, I included a link to emdr's wikipedia page. the whole 8 step process sounds pretty expensive for something that probably wont work, but it has cured PTSD in the past and I think it might be able to help out with hppd. Share your thoughts.

3 acid trips. I know for sure that I'm never gonna trip again so it feels like I'm locked out of a whole other world.

I only used for 7 1/2 months before hppd hit I've always wanted to try ecstasy and I'm fairly confident my symptoms will be 100% better in less than a year, but I'm gonna wait like 5 years before I try it just in case. Plus none of you guys are gonna believe me when I say this but I really am only gonna do it once.

Well my first trip was by far the best day of my life, but I did notice that the day after if I tried really hard to de-focus my eyes and keep it like that for over 15 seconds I would see distortions and movement until I focused my eyes again. After the bad trip I saw circular patterns off and on for the next 3 days. Sometimes it would be really big and sometimes I wouldn't see anything. I'm not sure if that was the only symptom I had during those 3 days but I know now that I was hallucinating when I shouldn't have. However, over those 3 days I retained the mindset that it takes 3 days for acid to leave one's system completely and that I would stop seeing it after 3 days. Sure enough, after 3 days of sobriety they were completely gone. My last trip, exactly one week after the 2nd, was for the most part enjoyable. This trip was the first where I would see large rainbow halos around lights, and that's one of my main least ignorable symptoms right now. I had a hot flash during the trip and my vision got completely inverted (or at least it seemed like that) for a split second which freaked me out, but I recovered before the trip turned bad. In fact I dropped another 1/2 tab after the trip was almost done a little before midnight on new years eve, and I didn't think it did much but while my friends all went to sleep I stayed up and the geometric circle pattern never died down until I fell asleep. For the last 3 hours (from 4am to 7am) before I fell asleep, I got this really calm feeling that I know I'll never be able to recapture. Maybe it was the feeling of my mind being permanently altered? Over the 2nd half of my 2nd trip and the majority of my 3rd trip, I had slight paranoia that made me a little uneasy until I came down to the point of 0 distortions. I got really high the day after my 3rd trip and when I went on my computer it looked like the pixels on the computer screen were forming all kinds of different shapes. I know for sure that what your saying is true and my hppd is mostly caused by anxiety that I got from the bad trip, but I can go a couple hours forgetting I even have a disorder and then look into car lights and see huge starbursts or walk into a dark room and immediately see static without thinking about it. Also some days I can wake up in the morning thinking HPPD is almost cool and that I'm special but later in the day get scared by it and have increased anxiety. These emotions towards HPPD seem to correlate with my thoughts about tripping...sometimes I crave acid really badly and would give anything to trip again without worsening my HPPD and other times just the idea of having strong hallucinations scares the shit out of me.

Dude thats so true and really deep. I'm gonna be thinking about your post for the next couple of days. As far as therapists go...well I'll probably see one after I become independent but for now I'm gonna hide the problem from my parents. And about heroin and hard drugs and stuff, Im gonna stay as far away from H as possible cuz I've seen what it does. But honestly, weed really is a gateway drug. I mean it doesn't compel you to go out and shoot coke but would you have done any other drugs if you never tried weed? I dont really consider speed or acid hard drugs, but I sure as hell wouldnt have experimented with them if not for weed. I just got bored with weed and still wanted that escape.

ferret this idea has ran through my head so many times over the past 2 months, and i couldn't have said it better than you did. But the thing is how do I rehabilitate my brain into not thinking in terms of constantly looking for hallucinations? Its weird because At first my main symptom was seeing circular patterns in the snow but after a little bit I started thinking to myself how much I wanted to have more static instead of seeing circles. By the next week I was seeing more static and the circles were almost gone. Then I started thinking how much static annoyed me and how trailers would be better than static. Then by next week I was seeing less static and more trailers. Does anyone see what I'm getting at? Also I do have a lot of anxiety left from a very intense trip that turned bad for an hour and a half. Although my next (and final) trip was a lot more enjoyable and left me feeling like a hippy, I dont think I'll ever be able to forget that one intense trip.

Sorry my grammars so bad but I hate caring about stuff like that outside of school. Yeah its harder than I thought to quit weed. I broke after a week and a half but i'm still definitely cutting back. Just because something isnt physically addicting doesnt mean you can just quit whenever you want. As for the circles yes they were a lot more prominent when i first got hppd and have sort of dissolved into static at this point although I still see them sometimes. Come to think of it stress and anxiety played a big part in me losing a lot of sleep when I was still adjusting to the visuals, so those 3 things probably made me see the circles more. I'm not sure what a migraine aura is but I've never had a migraine before. So heres what the circles look like: There was a different circle pattern that I saw for each of my 3 acid trips, the first was concentric circles, the second was a clump of tiny circles (it looked kinda like a clump of soap bubbles) and the third was another larger clump of circles with some other shapes. Its also worth noting that after I smoked pot on my 2nd trip I got pretty crazy patterns like spinning triangles and dancing rainbow cannabis leaves. The Circles that I see in my snow are a combination of all the circle patterns, but they also resemble the look of the pattern after you smoke weed on acid...and I don't see any color in them and they are translucent. Thats probably hard for you guys to picture but its even harder for me to try to describe it. It doesn't really look like fractals but is still really trippy. The only time it changed shape was to a really crazy hexagon pattern when I got really anxious. Am I the only one who sees snow when I close my eyes? As for my other symptoms, I've come to realize that I actually have pretty much all the visual hppd symptoms but didn't recognize them at first. I have snow, floaters trailers, sensitivity to bright lights and auras around lights, ghosting, and after images. My main other symptoms are stress and anxiety. I have noticed myself thinking a little slower and have more frequent 'zone outs' but stress, anxiety and lack of sleep probably give me that. I've also recently developed dry eye, and I'm pretty sure its not just my allergies and have toyed with the idea that hppd causes it. As for sickness worsening it, I couldn't really tell if being sick had any impact. I have noticeably stronger visuals during a run when I start panting and getting tired. During track practice earlier this week I got so out of breath that I could barely breath for a couple of min even after I stopped running and that was by far the worst visual snow I'd ever seen. I didn't even see any shapes but when I looked up at the sky I honestly thought it was snowing. Its really cool to be able to talk to people about this kinda thing. None of my friends understand AT ALL. Like seriously they think im lucky to be able to be in a mini trip 24/7. If only they knew...

I also have a hard time sleeping. The main reason is the visual snow, it used to be a freaky alien-like pattern that seemed like it was painted on the back of my eyelids. When I first got hppd, it freaked me out so bad that I would dread going to sleep every night because to sleep I needed to close my eyes and face the patterns of the snow. I found that sleeping with the lights on is the only thing that helps get rid of at least some of the snow, and then reading a book gives you something to focus on and makes you tired. Also try falling asleep to some really calm ambient music, I recomend some chill aphex twin songs like rhubarb or flim. These songs always take away some of my pre-sleep anxiety.

Hey everyone its been almost 2 months now since my hppd developed and I'm just giving an update. Anyways over the past 2 months I can definitely tell the visuals have gotten better because there's a noticeable change in the visual snow - it takes up less of my vision and is now almost completely static whereas 2 months ago it was big and a really freaky fried ass circle pattern. It's harder to notice a change in the light halos/starbursts, but I think those are also getting better. As for after images, I can't tell if those got better either but it's less annoying now. Also now whenever I look at myself in the mirror my pupils aren't as big as a penny lol. Even though I was urged to stop or at least cut down on the weed, I foolishly havn't...and this lead me to develop a new symptom. So about 2 weeks ago I caught the flu and I pretty much didn't leave my house for 7 days. This whole time I just went on a big weed binge. I smoked within a half hour of getting up and then continued to smoke about 3 or 4 times throughout the day for the whole week. On the last night I got the highest I've been in a couple months and my snow got worse than its ever been, everything was a lot brighter, and tracers were very prevalent. I've seen tracers a couple times when I was high but I didn't think it was one of my sober symptoms. However since that night tracers have been noticeable when I'm sober. Also just a couple days ago I snorted a couple lines of Aderal (Ive never gotten high from a stimulant before) and it made everything look all blurry and surreal and I could tell it made tracers worse. Anyways I decided to smoke while I was coming down from it and I'm not sure if its just that the weed might have been laced (the smoke tasted very strange) or the mix of aderal and weed but I actually saw some distortions and the snow got really really bad. Somehow I actually relaxed myself and everything was back to normal in the morning. Also worth noting about a month ago I had a really tiny peice of a shroom because I wanted to know what it tasted like. It just gave me the tingles and I saw distortions for about 10 seconds and then it was over. Nothing bad came of this little experience but I know I shouldnt have done it. I've also drank a couple times since developing hppd and if anything it helps the visuals go away. So all in all the visuals have gotten better. The only symptom that actually bothers me is the snow, and its gotten at least 50% better. As for the other symptoms, even though the tracers are new I know everything is slightly getting better...its just harder to see progress in most of the visuals. Starting today I'm taking a break on the ganga that will probably last a couple weeks. I plan on picking it up again later but if the symptoms (or at least the snow) dont get better I'll just keep taking breaks till they are. I'm not really worried about dp/dr. Although I think I had a dp/dr episode one night, that was before I accepted the visuals. They still affect me but Ive just learned to accept it. I just don't see myself getting long lasting dp/dr, especially if the symptoms get better. Even though its just been 2 months, I know the hppd is already alot better than what it used to be. I've already accepted it and I know I'll be able to completely overcome it in the short future. A positive attitude is really important in my opinion and I actually think having one will make symptoms go away faster. I love this board and everyone on it and I'd be pretty lost without it.

Ive smoked since may last year but 3 acid trips in december caused mine, the first was amazing and the second one went bad (but recovered after a little bit). After the 2nd one I had geometric visual snow for 3 days but it dissapeared after 3 days...I really wish i didn't trip a third time. Its been 2 months since the 3rd trip and the visuals are still here. One night about a week after developing hppd I had kind of a mini flashback (room looked foggy and bright, visual snow got really bad, and I felt kinda weird inside) and I had a dp episode, it might just have been anxiety or fear but I just didn't feel like myself. I didnt quit smoking until today because one night when I got reaaally fried about a week ago I started seeing trails again and they aren't that bad when I'm sober but they are super noticable when I'm high. So I know that weed made a new symptom and LSD started it.

I'm never gonna trip again and I plan on cutting back the weed (even though it helps me sleep through the CEVs) and eventually stopping for a couple months. Does anyone think that my symptoms could get worse from here?

I do think that the symptoms are caused by my anxiety and by constantly thinking about it, because when I forget about it I usually don't even see it. However, I know that they are real hallucinations (it's not just my mind) because even when I forget about it whenever I walk into a dark room it comes back. Also, I'm too scared about taking medicine because I've heard of those making the hallucinations worse.

Before I start, I'm sorry for writing this tome but please if you could just read my story and respond it would be great! Hi! I'm not really sure what's going on with me but it isn't normal and signs point to HPPD... So to start out, I've tripped acid 3 times so far. The first time was 4 and a 1/2 weeks ago and it was incredible. The hallucinations were a couple tracers, a concentric circle pattern during the peak, some things turned green, and a TON of distortions. The second trip was 2 and a 1/2 weeks ago, and it was crazy. The trip started off with a couple circles bunched together in the center of my vision. About 2 hours in, i smoked half a bowl of dank and that's when i started having a bad trip. The hallucinations were crazy and completely indescribable. The whole world started to melt, wave and drip. I was freaked out for about an hour and a half until one of my family members 'talked' me out of the bad trip, and i started feeling good again. The rest of the trip was enjoyable, but I couldn't shake the nervous, anxious feeling. The circles came back off and on for the next 3 days. I saw them with open and close eyes. They were kind of annoying, but nothing too bad and I just thought that the acid hadn't left my system yet and sure enough after 3 days (which is the maximum time acid stays in the body) the circles stopped. The third and most recent trip was 1 and a 1/2 weeks ago. The huddle of circles came back and were pretty big this time, and it stayed with me the whole time. Everything was really bright and lights had a big rainbow aura around them (this was a first for me). The anxious feeling came back from the last trip, and the trip almost turned sour when I had a hot flash (fortunately I stepped outside and prevented the bad trip though). The anxiety stayed with me the whole time. The acid pretty much kept me up all night and for the last 3 hours before I went to sleep I felt incredibly enlightened and to be honest, the feeling was kind of indescribable Ever since then, for the last 1 and a 1/2 weeks, the circles have come back off and on. Sometimes the circles are really big and sometimes they're small. They get worse in the dark and when ever I start to panic. To describe them in more depth, its a bunch of really small circles huddled together with a ring of concentric circles around them. They're in the center of my vision and they aren't that big. Sometimes when I focus on the circles it seems like they are moving inwards/outwards or flashing. I can also see through them. I try not to think about them because I don't even notice them when I don't think about it. In the morning I usually don't even see them at all, and they just come back later in the day. I've also noticed that lights have an aura around them, but not as big or as intense as the auras around lights I saw on acid. Anyways, these circles are a huge source of anxiety for me, and the anxiety just gets worse the longer the circles don't go away. I don't feel like myself anymore and I just want them to go away. I constantly live in fear of a couple things: a)the circles get bigger b)the circles won't go away c)I'm gonna go crazy It's also worth mentioning that the day after the last trip, I smoked some grandaddy purp and the circles got really big. The other times I smoked the circles were the same as when I'm sober. I smoke weed 0-3 times a week and I'd rather not give it up. The circles totally don't get in the way of my life, like I said before they're just annoying and cause a lot of anxiety. I'm 16 years old and frightened. I don't know what to do or who to go to, all I want is for the circles to stop. Any advice on how long they will stay or how to get rid of them will help so please any responses would be great!