Blossy

Haha, well, we had a saying back in those days called the "Skid", and "Skidding" was effectively coming down, all that 'sparkly' and spaced our way and often we would talk about sometimes 'it' not wearing off till maybe a Tuesday and then we would start to look forward to the coming weekend and it would all start again - 2 days with not sleep and a Sunday climbing the walls or drinking heavily or taking lots of 'Jellies' and Valium to get to sleep! ! As we got older we used to talk about the "Perma-skid" which was a feeling some of us felt that the drugs never actually wore off, and now in my mature years I look back and think, was this a mild HPPD that the guys were experiencing, and is this "Perma-skid" real and what we now know as HPPD! I know how severe mine has been ( and as ive mentioned before teh night and subsequent flash-back that triggered it ) and the challenges it has given me in life, but after being on this forum it does seem as if there are varying levels of how this condition affects us and makes me think, do more of the lads ( many of whom I am still good friends with and socialise with to this day ) dealing with the same...... At one point Jay we used to call ourselves "The Brotherhood of Waste", I do think our groups would have got on well back in those days! Haha! x

Alot of talk about HPPD is pinned down on LSD, but let's face it, some of the trips I had of E's were every bit as heavy as tabs or dots, especially mid 90's when the quality of the pills really started to decline.

Agreed Jay, I do remember in the early 90's alot of talk about the new drug that kids were taking ( E ) and the potential long term effects of it, I guess HPPD is one of them, and I wonder, is it more common than we know as literally ALL my friends were immersed in the scene back in the day.

Yes, I to this day get the visuals of random and intermittent, and quite rare to be fair, a droplet falling from ceilings.

Digressing there form the thread title, my general advice to anyone, stop the hallucinogenics and smoking dope, eat well, sleep well, have a busy brain - immerse yourself in good things. Manage your anxiety as best as poss.

You know, I recent months love been thinking about how much the Extacy tablets ( MDMA ) also added to this thing of mine/ours. Many, many years beyond "that night" when I was 16 when the LSD opened a door i've been struggling to close since, I took lots of crazy hallucinogenic tablets after the initial euphoric E's started to disappear and they got all 'smacky' and heavy on the visuals - sometimes I do wonder how much that contributed to this. I actually handled those days and nights well as I was in my very late teens and early 20's and was enjoying the 'rave generation' I guess, and sometimes I put down my age and inexperience of these drugs back at the start down to the HPPD ever starting! It's funny too, my major anxiety I suffer is of 'that night' that I had the worst time i've ever had on this planet, and the worry of it happening again - literally my life ( connection to reality! ) feels like its on a knife edge, and i'm working hard to tell myself its not, and manage the anxiety - in general thanks to this forum! But I never or rarely ever think about other mind-bending nights i've had on LSD and E's, which in all honestly and at the time, were some of the best times covered in good music and lifelong friends!!! Who knows, the answer will never be clear but I really do think the water ( for me anyway ) is a bit muddier that simply being one night giving me this condition I live with every minute of every day. One night definitely changed me, but maybe a decade of misuse after that really made me...... We shall solder on, and for ref, if I could go back in time I would never, ever touch any of these things back in the 90's and 00's we used to call 'recreational'. x

As above, if only it was that simple. Defo not here.

I did JuJitsu for may years back in the day and I never felt better - I should do it again, physical and mental health was in its prime!!!

This is something i've never heard of, definitely interesting!

Nope, with my eyes closed its a kaleidoscope of colours and patterns constant movement, 100% 'normal'.

Haha, definitely! I know this will be a long-game on the Niacin, and maybe there is an element of Placebo in the short term, but I am definitely going to soldier on with it - the brand I bought was from Amazon, "Supplement Tree - Nicotinamide ( Niacin ) 500mg". I'm taking 2 caps a day, one around 8am and another maybe 8pm, along with a 500mg vitamin C Tablet again, twice a day at the same times.

Still soldiering on with the Vitamins, and feeling pretty good - the 'flare-up' I had has definitely eased and 'things' are back to a baseline I think. I am experiencing some crazy-ass night-time anxiety, falling asleep and feeling like I am falling into a bad trip, but nothing that last longer than a burst of fear/adrenalin, and im used to that as that has been one of my worst feelings the last 30 years or so of living with this. Started the Balck Seed Oil too, and for the record, it really does taste like crap. I do feel it has a calming effect tho, so ill keep taking it. Working very hard on my anxiety, and outside of the forum trying not to think about my HPPD, I really do feel ( like alot on here ), the less I give it any brain time, and the more I relax and focus on everything that is good in my life, the HPPD can just be what it is and not something that rues my life. Hang in there all, we are in this together. ( for the record, I was close to calling the doc re anxiety help, and to maybe try and get some of the meds that have been mentioned on here, but thats something I am really trying too avoid......i've came this far with no medical help, lets see if I can go the next 30+ years too without it. ) x

When I read the letters vibrate and jump all over the place, but strangely enough I can still read perfectly, even with the crazy visual distraction!

Hi all, a quick update! Ive been taking 2 x 500mg now for a month ( + 2 x 500gm Vitamin C + a general Vitamin D tab I have ben taking since Covid appeared in the world! ) , morning and early evening and have definitely felt some more clarity in thought and generally mental well being - i've been 'working hard' on my HPPD the last couple of months ( after a real bad flare up that really affected me and set me back a LONG time, I could have would off a bridge honestly, but I didn't of course! and am really concentrating on the anxiety side now as that has been tough - since the Vitamin 'experiment' I did have some really bad night time attacks of absolute panic that 'that trip' was happening again but these have subsided now. Visual snow I can say honestly no difference ( I do remember as a kid, I got HPPD when I was 15, 30 years ago ) saying to my parents "I could see the air" so maybe i've always had this! General wobbly visuals, 'breathing' walls and geometric patterns ( I didn't have this bad, early days they were horrendous as like full on trip visuals but have eased alot the last few decades ) have definitely eased. Maybe it's down to being in a better frame of mind overall and maskeg a MASSIVE effort to be calm but i'm not sure, and I ain't complaining. Working hard on my Anxiety and Depersonalisation and Derealisation but baby steps, some days good, some days bad still. Waiting on some Black Seed Oil arriving today as well, needs to be worth a go! Hang in there all, you are DEFINITELY not alone, will update again soon! x

Also, as ive been giving my HPPD alot ( probably too much.... ) thought his past few weeks, i've definitely identified my anxiety as being the fear of 'that night' happening again, which is weird, as after I had that positively mind-altering and MENTAL experience/FlashBack I did take loads of Acid and Trippy E's again and have never worried about those night, I actually have fond memories of my mis-spent youth, its always that one 'event' that has really messed me up. Managing my Brain and trying to relax and get it our of my memory has been help, so I really think mindset with this condition is a massive thing. Mindset wont change the current visuals and 'endless trip', but i'm almost used to that after 3 decades, but maybe the stuff im trying now will continue to help. Managing the anxiety is a big thing for me to 'tick off' the 'to do list'. And it seems that teh depersonalisation can be a by-product of the anxiety, some kind of body/mind defence mechanism? Stay strong everyone, we can do this. Sorry for the ramblings, this forum is a godsend it really is. P.

Morning all and for sure, will keep you posted on how I get on - the flush is definitely a but strange at first but I've found it has passed in a few days and I don't really notice it now - felt a bit like sniffing poppers the first few times! Thanks for the link to you research Fawkinchit, i'll have a read through this today for sure! I have decided to up my Vitamin C as well, gotta be worth a try! More soon...... P x

I've been taking 2 doses a day of 500mg Niacin after reading about its potential mental well-being properties this past week. I had a real bad flare up 2 weeks ago that lasted for about 5 days ( literally thought Was loosing my mind again, like that night a LONG time ago! ) so was looking for anything that could help. Note, i've had this condition we all share for nearly 30 years now. Yup, Rave generation and too many years beyond that ( after the bad trip and subsequent HPPD, which happened when I was 15, CRAZY looking back..... ) of Extacy and Coke. Now completely coke free for 9 years and E's for probably 20 and have lived generally well with zero meds or outside help, but anyway, I really have felt that it's taken the edge off things this past week. A bit more clarity of thought, anxiety has been down a bit and also the visual disturbance, depersonalisation and metallic taste I get in my mouth when its flares up bad have definitely eased slightly. I'm goanna keep it going and see if it continues to help, just thought it throw this out there, I know all too well how much we wish we all had a magic pill to take to make things 'normal' again. PS, I have a great family, a great business and a great quality of life so I've not let this shit take over my life - finding this forum a couple of years ago and making me realise I am not alone and this is an actual 'thing' has been an absolute godsend. x

Agreed, very good.

Im totally aware I do this but now my kids ( well, my youngest kid! ) has noticed and this has turned into family ' lets poke fun at Dad' thing - if only they knew the cause!! Hah! :-$ So, anyway, I have a really weird thing, and I quantify if my thinking, if I touch things 'they will be ok and won't start moving again', i.e., start tripping again! I mean, when I'm in the car, I regularly flick/tap the windscreen with my nail on my middle finger, sitting at home I do the same on tables if I'm walking past a wall to the wall, even lying in bed, ill often reach out and trap the wall, also to make sure its all still 'there'!!! My daughter says I often tap my self too, usually on the forehead, I mean, wtf!!! LOL Sometime I STILL have that sinking feeling when you are falling deep into trip, that horrible feeling in your mouth too, and wake up sweating and tap the wall to make sure everything is all right! Crazy I know, and note, I'm 27 years into living with HPPD so am pretty long in the tooth, and honestly, since joining this forum, completely at terms with it knowing I am not insane, or crazy, or on an endless trip ( even tho I think I am to an extent ) or the only guy in the world to have had 'this' happen to him! Anyway, just one of my MANY brain bending quirks I have after many years of abuse! Double note, 8 years drug ( coke ) free, 20 years Acid and 'E' free. Still enjoy alcohol, and caffeine, and I must confess, taking Vallium on a few long haul flights recently was pure bliss, although also reminded me of some dark times during the 'downers years'!!! Anyway, anyway. maybe its just me, thought id throw it our there anyways!

Yeah, its definitely a crazy old thing, and honestly, I've never felt 'better' about this thing since I realised ( in the past week or so!!! ) its actually a 'thing' and I'm not the only person in the world that feels like this! Just shows you, well, in my opinion now, it really is a case of your brain playing tricks on you, your not mad, or tripping, or trapped in a mad-house, you need to be stronger than the symptoms - I think I am! Would still love to know the physics behind it tho, the brain doesn't do this for wow, nearly 30 years for no reason! And I still maintain, those mental years of my life had some of the best times, gotta take the good with the bad I guess!

Thank you, and defo - and good for you! Its a CRAZY thing to deal with, and honestly, knowing that I'm not the only person in the world feeling like this, even after all this time, I feel better already - I know I'm NOT going mad - although I may be a little crazy from time to time!!!

Same as me, 3rd time id ever take acid ( Purple Ohms ) and the first time id ever had any real crazy visuals, had a kind of freak out but it passed. 8 days later, smoked a bit of weed, went to bed and felt myself 'falling' again, straight into that mental bad trip id had just over a week before - ever since then its never really gone away, well, the ripples of it anyway, the 'flash-back' lasted all night, crazy visuals, thought I was forgetting how to breath, all sorts of crazy shit - to this day the trailers are there, geometric patterns on carpets appear, even that crazy feeling in your mouth when you are tripping big time comes and goes - I actually feel like if I really tried, I could put myself back into that super heavy trip from way back in the day!! I actually continued taking acid for another few years, usually offset with Temazepalm, pretty heavy Extacy use as we'll, some tablets with crazy trips attached to them too until I was maybe 22 or 23, then the Coke was the main thing, that I liked as it was non pschycadellic. Weirdly enough, some of the only days in wow, 28 years I've felt normal, and 'everything' was back to normal visually was when taking really good 'E', pure MDMA for example seemed to make me 'normal' again, crazy really! Dabbled with lots of downers too, smoked some brown usually to take the edge f mad cocaine sessions, really enjoyed taking downers as life get pretty 'normal' again in those times! Anyway, I've done no Acid for wow, 25 years, 'E' for 21 or 22, been coke and effectively Drug free for 8 years now. Its there, it aint going away, I watched a thing the other night that linked the 'over sensitivity' to light with a kind of 'PTSD' and then the anxiety, which kinda works for me, the strange sights are what they are, the fear or falling back into that 'bad trip' is pure anxiety - I need to be stronger than my HPPD, and I think I am. The human mind, what an amazing, and sometime scary place!

Hi all, its only been in the past 2 days I've started to try and figure out what this 'shit' that goes on in my brain is, I'm under no illusions its due to LSD, as a lot on here are the same I'm sure - I honesty have felt ever since I've had this 'thing' going on I'm my life I was the only person in the world who was experiencing it, a life long trip that was never going away. Well, my symptoms started when I was 15, a long story of drugs and debauchery through the 90's Generation X fun and games that ill tell soon, I'm now 43, so have been living with this for a long time! Now I know I'm not, it was literally an internet search 2 nights ago based on my experience and a couple of Youtube vides that showed me I'm not the only person every to feel like this. Its part of me, I've had a good, healthy, and successful life, and am still doing so but man sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be 'normal. unless that would just be boring! Anyway, its great to speak to like-minded souls and hear of other experiences, I hope I can be of help to some and hey, maybe ill need some help off you guys too! P - UK.