Passion

Listen to Jay! He is right.

Don't say so :c When others lose/seem to lose hope, I do too ;c

It has come to the point where I don't really remember how I saw things before I got this .______. ...but still I hope that everything will be as it was.. and I will recover some time soon. o; I don't want this to become my "NORMAL".

This is a gif that can explain how I see things sometimes.. Or.. Yes.. Something like that. It's the best way to explain.

Today was the first day since the 14th of april that I woke up and my first thought wasn't about my sight. A whole ten minutes I wondered around without thinking about it. It felt awesome. (The sight didn't improve, I just stopped thinking about it!) And today was the day when I for whole 3 hours stopped thinking about my sight.. I just forgot about it. ... but yeah.. I spent the next 4 hours thinking ONLY about my sight. (due to boredoom at school.) And because of my DPDR I started to talk to a stranger, something I won't normally do because of my shyness. (She was just some girl I saw at some school, among like 200 other students. *I was looking for job*) Since I sometimes feel that I am in a dreamlike-state I thought, EH.. what the hell. It won't kill me. Hmm.. and like.. half an hour ago I really SAW my room. For real. I think. Like I normally would see it without the disorder. Can't really explain. I don't think that the symptoms went away, (I have hard to accept the thing that they might go away, so I don't want to get excited for nothing), It was more like I ignored the hell out of my symptoms. I even saw a little bit of the sky today.. Without all of the black dots. Only floaters. But anyway! It felt good. My misfortune is finally taking a turn. Hahah.. It feels like my life have literally been shit since the 14th april. Shit have happened every day.. I couldn't have a day without something bad happening. There were no room for happiness.. Today was the first day I felt good again. I AM SO HAPPY. Sorry for unimportant wall of text.

Blev fan paff när jag såg första raden. <: Shall maybe try it.. later. If it don't go away of itself.. Hahah. I am scared of the moment when I start using the medication and then suddenly decide to stop and then KABOOM I am back to not being in my own body again. If I am going to be like this forever. Then I don't want to feel how I used to feel before this feeling. :c Because it will only give me the feeling of regret. Hahah, hard to explain.. or find the words. I am happy that I am not that guy. But I too experienced the "two dimension"-thing he wrote about. I feel it from time to time. Not SO much.. But slightly.. For example when I'm in the woods and where there are lots of trees. I see it sometimes like those "3D books" for kids. ( http://augmentedblog.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/old_school.jpg ).. What does Atarax do? Why do people buy that sort of medicine? I don't want people to know that I have used drugs XD Hahah.. :C That would suck.

Yes, I do. <: Thanks for asking. I am trying to accept it. But.. damn.. Tonight I discovered that It feels like I can see my.. "blindspot" in the eye. .___. Can't really explain. But.. at night I feel like theres a little spot in the vision that is bothering me alot. It is irritating because it feels like I have some garbage under my eyelid. But to the strange part now: It feels like it is in the left eye. But.. When I close the right eye.. It dissapears.. And when I open my right eye and close my left.. it is still gone. So I only see it at night with both my eyes open. .____. It is strange. Except for that I am trying to accept it. Saw a movie called "Numb" yesterday, it is not about HPPD.. it is about DP... Good movie. <: Sometimes it feels that I am more afraid of my DPDR than I am of my HPPD. :c But at the same time it feels like my DPDR is there because of my HPPD. It made me see the world differently.

I was out like.. ten minutes ago. <: In Sweden it is 11 pm now, so it is dark. It felt good to be able to be outside when it's dark.. but ofcourse as I too live in a city, there are lights everywhere. The darkness made me actually forget about everything for a while <:

Thank you for your "hopes".. C; I just want to wake up one day and magically be normal. Lol. I remember that before I "woke up" from my trip, I saw someone put a black paper under my "sight". I remember that I begged for all of it to stop. It stopped. The trip.. I mean. But.. That black paper.. Actual paper.. Were never removed from beneath my vision. I know it sounds strange. But that was just what I experienced.

I don't want to use medication :c I am scared that they will make things worse. It's like.. very individual of how your body is going to react.

I am a girl.. Hahah. Just so you know. C; No, and I will not do it. Because I heard that most medicine fuck everything up even more. And the doctor is just not an option ;o

Yesterday I was so freaked out, I told my mother the whole story. At that moment I was so away from my body that the only thing I asked myself was if this happens for real. It's like when your dreaming at night and don't really know if that is a dream or reality.

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The symptoms that bother me most.. Is my vision in the dark. The thought of never be able to drive in the dark when I'm older and get my driver license. And the statics.. They are not too bad. But I regret it so much. And then my dpdr. Dpdr is the worst feeling I think.

I am so damn scared ;c I want to cry. I cry. I want my life to be as it was before. I am so scared and sad. I am always thinking.. WHY ME? I think selfish and bad.. Why not my friends? Who smoke like.. EVERY DAY. :c I'm scared.

Thank you for your support <;

Oh, good. Makes me feel better. But it isn't really a "small" amount of statics.. it's huge ;c

Oh, good. Makes me feel better. But it isn't really a "small" amount of statics.. it's huge ;c

Yesterday I was in the woods at night and noticed that I can't see in the dark.. ;c I see statics everywhere.. Can't focus,on anything and my vision is really bad.. ;c I see only shadows in the dark. Have you experienced it? Right now it's dark in the room and I can see statics. But my day vision is improved. Now I don't thing that I am 98% cured... Still a long way to go. I don't really remember how the world looked like before I got this. But I want my sight back ;c I want to see in the dark. I don't wanna see statics. Right now my buds are smoking. I have managed to stay away from it.. Just as you told me to.

My biggest problem was: I could not read because of the black dots and traces. >.< Even if I did.. I couldn't concentrate on the text.. only on those dots. So glad it's gotten much better.

My friends didn't experienced anything exept that they just got high >.< It was actually only me who was tripping. And they have never experienced something like I. You can't believe how happy I am.. I can finally see walls. <--- strange thing to say. But yeah.. First day I couldn't see walls as actuall walls. They were statics and statics only. I couldn't concentrate om walls. Now I can do it a little bit. A relief. I really hope that all of you guys will get better. <3 Thank you thank you thank you for being there and talking to me.

My DP/DR is almost gone. C; Because I tried to convince myself that I have never had more controll over my body than what I have now. That it all is just a simple feeling. And now I am back to like 98%.. Maybe my DP/DR wasn't so bad from the beginning. My HPPD is better.. Or.. At least I am used to it. Today I could forget about it's existans for like one hour. C; I still see the statics and the traces. But... Either I'm used to it or it has gone better. Some days ago I bought some magnetic necklace that is suppose to help with the bloodcirculation. Maybe it worked, maybe not. (If it is even possible to helt the blood to get faster to the brain that way.) But yeah c; That is how the things are right now. I hope it will disappear completely.

And thank you really much for your answers and everything. I really appreciate (can't spell) it! <3

I am not going to use drugs anymore.. I just,wondered.. What effect does simple waterpipe have on hppd? ;o I would like to make hppd a wellknown topic for the people. So they are aware of the risks.. Even if it is such a little risk to get it. ;o

And btw, nepuinthesky, I think it is my HPPD that causes my DP/DR actually. Because of my sight I can't see the way I used too and it's maybe that that makes me have DP/DR or makes me experience the symptoms.