clonazepam

[scidalteen]

I have had HPPD since the 20th of October 2023 i got it from smoking weed but before that, I had a bad acid trip. My HPPD is very severe i have all the symptoms and I'm diagnosed with severe depression and i take zoloft which doesn't affect my hppd at all.but I've started doing clonazepam once a week but now i do it daily because if i don't have any i start shaking and craving it. clonazepam reduces my visuals a little bit but most importantly it allows me to not worry about hppd but I've gained a tolerance and now I'm dependant on something that doesn't help anymore.i attempted suicide 12 April 2024 by slitting my wrists and downing a shit load of liquor and clonazepam.my mom saw my self harm and then i got diagnosed with severe depression and now i have to go to therapy once a week.i didn't tell the psychiatrist i have hppd because I'm 13 and i would get in trouble.im planing on doing killing my self by mixing a lot of heroin and clonazepam.i still have a slight bit of hope i might end up alright.
i don't want a lecture about getting hppd at the age of 13 i know i fucked up i beat my self up about it daily.
what should i do so i don't kill my self i personally view it as a matter of time i don't think there's any saving me I've been suicidal since the age of like 9.(apologies for my bad English and sorry for my shit grammar and sorry for making yall hear this i know this is my problem but i just want to get it out i want someone to know i have hppd i feel alone)

[Jay1]

Hi, you wont get any lectures here. A lot of us were also doing drugs in their teens. I had some symptoms when i was 14.

I think the best thing you can do right now is be completely honest with the people trying to help you. Parents, doctors, teachers... Anyone who is looking out for you. Tell them about the drugs, the clonazepam, about HPPD. Explain to them that you are being honest with them because you are suicidal and desperately need help. You should not get in trouble for that. 

Please keep fighting and feel free to DM me if you want one to one help. I can even try to help explain it to your parents if you want.

Btw - I am now 46, have lived with HPPD for decades, but have also lived an interesting life... Travelled the world, had businesses, I am married, have great friends etc etc... I can't promise you will get better, but I can say that you can make a life worth living, even with this illness. 

Stay strong, Jay