Spartan Posted April 2, 2023 Report Share Posted April 2, 2023 (edited) . Edited April 3, 2023 by Spartan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted April 3, 2023 Report Share Posted April 3, 2023 I hope you are doing ok... Keep on fighting, mate... PM me if you need anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 7, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2023 Many thanks Jay I appreciate that Charlie reached out on what's app Thabkyou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2023 hppders have to be some of the strongest Mofos period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2023 (edited) Journey to the depths of hell Edited April 21, 2023 by Spartan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted April 22, 2023 Report Share Posted April 22, 2023 Yep, it really can get hellish, at times. When I used to drink a lot (self medication) I really hit a darkness that I look back on now and am amazed I survived and even got a lot of shit done. I find that taking this condition day by day makes it a bit more palatable, that and klonopin! Keep fighting everyone, better days do come. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 Many thanks Jay you are awesome and I can totally relate what you're saying.. At present this is the very darkest moment of my entire life beyond anything I've experienced and been extremely traumatic and stressful. Due to this high levels of stress and trauma has made my condition a lot worse ( I'm already super high spectrum hppd) and have upped my dose of K pin anywhere between 3.5 mils 5.5 mils per evening. I suspect that this may be inducing some suicidal ideation and was nearly hospitalised again the other evening. The reason this time has been extremely traumatic and stressful is because there has been a situation involving the legal system / Court, may have to attend... Though I can honestly say with the truth of my all my heart and soul that I have not done anything unlawful. Though it hurts massively because it involves my career and everything I've done over the past 30 years to help me manage my condition majority of the time naturally. Thankyou for your ongoing support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 (edited) Tho generally at the end of the day when I'm feeling suicidal or possibly having these types of thoughts it's generally with the intent to escape symptomologies that have been greatly exacerbated... That don't switch off.. that are generally too much for any human being to endure, in my opinion/ perspective. Edited April 23, 2023 by Spartan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 Like 30 + years is a really long time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 It's all good I won't do it ( I am safe ) cannot do because I love my family too much etc... tho have to say this is something I have seen experiencing quite strongly at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 I will get through this make a strong come back . Keep fighting. I am a warrior. Thanks again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay1 Posted April 23, 2023 Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 I feel your pain, mate... I had the same feelings when I was put on Prozac... Such a horrible feeling that just further compounds the misery of HPPD. I'm sure most of us on here have thought about ending the pain, but also love our friends/family and can see that better days can come. Dealing with severe hppd reminds me a bit of the lyric from Bohemian Rhapsody "I don't wanna die, i sometimes wish i'd never been born at all"..... I don't want to inflict the misery of suicide on my family (and also know that the really bad times don't stay forever)... But I do sometimes literally wish i'd never been born, where my life of pain didn't exist and the concept of hurting my friends/family doesn't come into it. I hope you starting to see light at the end of the tunnel soon... Reach out any time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan Posted April 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2023 Thank you Jay that is super cool and awesome agreed 100%.. I really love the poem that you shared with us! This is one that has also resonated with me with hppd at times... and seeing as I have many traditional scars on my body as I underwent full body tribal initiation at the age of 17. Many thanks again To dream the impossible dreamTo fight the unbeatable foeTo bear with unbearable sorrowTo run where the brave dare not go To right, the un-rightable wrongTo love pure and chaste from afarTo try when your arms are too wearyTo reach the unreachable star This is my quest, to follow that starNo matter how hopeless, no matter how farTo fight for the right without question or pauseTo be willing to march into hell for a heavenly causeAnd I know if I'll only be true to this glorious questThat my heart will lie peaceful and calmWhen I'm laid to rest And the world will be better for thisThat one man, strong and covered with scarsStill strove with his last ounce of courageTo fight the unbeatable foeTo reach the unreachable star 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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