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So here is the thing - Seeing eye to eye with doctors

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We all talk about what we call HPPD in different ways. Some people talk about it as a state of mind, some people talk about it as fear, as anxiety, as ocd. Some talk about as a gift, myself included, in that i can enter a tunnel of thinking and just be in that tunnel. Completly absent from the outer world. Yet completly present in my own. I have a few floaters, and i have some visual snow. But beyond this. What HPPD represent to me is Nerves. Nerves moving, contracting, expanding, beeing static, and flowing. Each state representing a function of in my mind. The issue that i have. Is that sometimes my nerves become static, not perfectly communicating with eachother. And through this giving some somatic tension in my body, and a feeling of numbness and a more idle processing speed of thought. What helps in these scenarios i have found, is to ingest a couple mgs of Clonazepam. It rids the tension, doesnt quite speed up the processing speed of my mind, but opens the bridges between nerves and links them back together again nontheless. The next day, my processing speed is higher, sensations are fuller, and the bridges that were gapped the day earlier are remembered. My body feels like it has full connection to the sum of its parts again. This feeling lasts, not forever, but for a decent amount of time, id say 8-10 days from that single dose of clonazepam. So this regimen is the best one that i have found after having tried most things. 

What has become more of a concern lately however, is the fact that i do this illegaly. I have lost my drivers license once already due to drugs. And i am in the process of taking it again. I am beeing paid sick-leave and have been on it for 4 years already. Im still in my 20s, and i just feel like i want to progress from this idle state of living that i have been living in now for a long time. But the thing is i want to feel calm and at ease while driving eventough there might be traces of clonazepam in my urine. I want to know that i will not be subject to beeing fired if there was ever a drug screening at a potential job that i hold. I want to feel the safety of knowing that if i travel abroad, and im feeling distant, tense and numb again, that i can safely carry a small packet of clonazepam with me legally.  

So what i have concluded is that i need to find a doctor who can give me a prescription for clonazepam. I need them to understand that this a tool that i need to use in rare occasions, and that it is the best remedy possible for me. I live in Sweden, and have talked to many doctor throughout the ears, and have never found a single one that understands the concept of hppd. And would never dream of prescribing it to me. What i need to know from you guys is how i can approach this problem and make it work this time. What can i do? Would it be ecessive to bring with me printed pages of scientific reports that lists clonazepam as the most effective remedy for hppd? I know doctors abroad have a way better approach to hppd sufferers. I remeber people talking about this Doctor Abraham guy, man this must have been almost 10 years ago by now. He must surely be retired now. Does anyone know what his clinic was called, is it still operating? or are there similair clinics? I need to consult an actual doctor that knows something about this. Through phone, email or weblink. I know they cant offer prescriptions. But i would like some signed paper by a professional that i can offer to local doctor that can vouch for the claims of the needs that i have. Any help would be greatly appreciated. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Mate, this is a very small community and sometimes posts go through the cracks. We all have our own problems and some times I don't have the mental energy to answer every post, i'm sure others are the same. 

I'll try and come back to this post when i have (hopefully) better energy tomorrow... But swearing at people is the worst possible way to try and communicate. 

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I think your best bet is to speak to the doctors about having panic attacks, that is probably the simplest way to get prescribed limited amounts of clonazepam to use as you described. In a perfect world, all GPs would know about HPPD, but that's far from the case. 

Using anxiety or panic attacks will bypass this (and isn't really lying, as hppd causes both).

As for the driving aspect, I have no idea how the laws are around that, from country to country. 

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  • 4 months later...

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