I want you to know that there is hope

[jmerdsoy]

Hi all, I'm brand new here. I want to tell anyone who is afraid and sad and suffering that there is hope. I gave myself HPPD back in the 90s with LSD and at the time, nobody knew locally ( I am from a small place in Canada) what HPPD was. There was almost no internet at the time so I was confined to research at the local library, which led to almost nothing, save for a few anecdotal horror stories and some fuzzy scientific speculation. I went to see a shrink and she just chalked it up to anxiety and put me on benzos and tricyclic antidepressants (which helped with the anxiety but may have made my actual HPPD symptoms worse). I had lots of visual disturbances, DP, DR, brutal anxiety (even though the meds took the edge off) and a sense that I had damaged myself badly with drugs. Eventually I accepted my condition, despite hating it. After some time, days would go by that I didn't notice any symptoms. And then weeks. And months. It took time but eventually it all subsided. I got involved with life and stopped focusing on my vision. I joined a band, started university and got interested in a bunch of new stuff. All of this helped me sustain a better outlook which I believe not only distracted me from my symptoms but helped make them subside.

LSD has left me with a permanent change in perception but when I stopped being afraid of that and instead embraced it as a positive thing, I became grateful for the experience. I wouldn't change it now, even if I could. I've since done mushrooms, MDMA and Salvia with no persisting effects. I won't take LSD again but other hallucinogens seem to have no detrimental effects (on me).

That being said, everyone is different and I in no way advise anyone to take any kind of hallucinogen, even if you think you're out of the woods. I only did so because I really didn't mind if the symptoms returned. 

I tend to think that a lot of the symptoms of HPPD are comorbid with anxiety and depression and that they all work together as a team. A lot of the visual perceptions that we experience with HPPD are already there, they are just brought to the foreground and amplified under the effects of psychedelics, and sometimes for whatever reasons, they persist. 

Be positive and realize that these symptoms can't hurt you! Allow time to pass and make peace with the state you find yourself in and that alone will help you live more happily  

 

 

[Jay1]

Thanks for the post, very similar story to mine. Acceptance and time does make things a bit easier. 

[Rodertkarlsson]

Aloha I to am from Canada bc.50 years of torture. Peace on the otherside not yet .the only place I've found that understand hppd is psych wards. They suggested a dog &meditation .tried lot's medication. What a nightmare. Clamazipam was most helpful. But dangerous. The most helpful thing is being outdoors. Nature will get us through this. I spend most of my daylight hours outside. I live in maui .a psychedelic wonderland.this place will heal u aloha