NEED HOPE

[Anna]

Hello, my name is Anna, I am 29.
I have HPPD for 2,5 months, my life has become hell.
Before I was dynamic, enthusiastic and funny, now I can no longer function normally, I am only a shadow of myself.
I have very little hope due to my age, I'm afraid of never recovering.
I am depressed and suicidal for the first time in my life.

My story :
I used cannabis daily for 10 years, from my 19 years to my 29 years, I stopped everything for 4 months this year, I felt so healthy and happy !
The last week of August I stupidly smoked every night while beeing on Prednisone (Corticoid) for a flu, until Monday the 28th when I woke up and nothing was like before. I did no bad trip. 
I also used small doses of Mdma (7), excstazy (20), mushrooms (2), LSD (1), cocaine (5) during the years 2018/2019 and only twice LSD in 2020.

My symptoms started with a feeling of hangover that wouldn't go away but I knew there was something else, then derealization, dizziness, blurred vision and three days later I started experiencing all the symptoms of VSS. I didn't sleep for more than a month, I had to quit my job and go back to live with my parents (few days before the onset I had a promotion and find the house of my dreams). 
I passed all the tests, MRI, EEG, blood tests etc. All clean.

Today I live daily with these symptoms:
Full VSS (visual snow, static, pattern glare, afterimages, blue entoptic field, floaters, night blindness etc...)
Constant dizziness
Constant nausea
Derealization
Head pressure
Tinnitus
Anxiety/Depression
Constant feeling of being high

I have read many posts and I have already talk to people from this website, but I feel so hopeless that I wanted to post my story in order to know if a severe ça se like me had good chance of recovery, if some who recovered recognize himself. 
I feel so guilty, one joint too many and boom.

I'm tapering off benzo because if think it's slows down my recovery and I didn't want to take other meds for the moment. I am just taking supplements and homeopathy. I walk 1 hour per day, meditate and do yoga sometimes, read some books, watch TV and cry a lot... 

Edited November 15, 2022 by Anna

[jh875]

I think recovery is very likely or at least major improvement. I don't have hppd, just curious about it.
You said you are tapering off of benzo. This means you may be having withdrawal symptoms which will make your symptoms worse, maybe a lot worse.

I don't know about your particular case, but I think there is evidence that they can help with HPPD. If you have scientific evidence that benzos slow down healing of hppd, I am interested in seeing that. Otherwise If I were you I would probably continue using them.

Here are some links that might be helpful.

https://www.hppdonline.com/search/?q=clonazepam&quick=1

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/10889286_Clonazepam_treatment_of_lysergic_acid_diethylamide-induced_hallucinogen_persisting_perception_disorder_with_anxiety_features

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5870365/

There is no reason to think that you can't recover because you are 29.  I think that a lot of people get hppd around that that age or older.  The brain is developed long before 18, so if someone gets it at say 18 or 29  I don't think the age means much. I haven't heard that being young improves the chances of recovery rom hppd although it might. 29 is young though and I think that probably improves your odds rather than lowers them. Age slows down say a cut healing. However people who are young and old can heal from cuts. If you are 29 you can still recover well from a cut. I don't know if age matters for recovery from hppd, however if it does my best guess is being 29 is helpful not harmful.

You are unlikely to get responses from people who have recovered as they aren't on the forum anymore.

Those who have not recovered all the way are more likely to answer your question on this forum.

I hope this helps and you recover completely soon.