Going crazy. Support me?

[Tentari]

Yo folks.

I smoked first time 0.2 No effect, no withdrawal.
I smoked week later 0.2 acid Panic attack, little trip, lasted 15mins. Withdrawal, irritable 3days.
Smoked month later 1.0 (Strong unknown, not wet(i think non acid) high fun
Next day 1.0 high fun.

Here we go... First strange thing i noticed, third day i was high in afternoon without weed. Normal week, clear brain. I drunk 0.5l of vodka and next day i got all visual snow symptoms. I was so stressed that i damaged my brain for 2months. Last 2months (4months of visual snow) i started to see things.. some sort of faces or eyes in front of me. Faces and strange objects in corner of eye.

I'm not in psychosis. I know whats real and not even with depersonalization. I can imagine sounds(that happened before, like dog bark or something) or stuck them for minutes.

I'm schizophrenic or what? These hallucinations are so strange... Will i heal after all? For now ofc i want to heal my hallucinations but visual snow is destroying me too.

I hope we will all heal from this. 

P.S. I stopped everything after visual snow. No drugs, No alchogol, fuck this shit really.

[Tentari]

4 minutes ago, Tentari said:

Yo folks.

I smoked first time 0.2 No effect, no withdrawal.
I smoked week later 0.2 acid Panic attack, little trip, lasted 15mins. Withdrawal, irritable 3days.
Smoked month later 1.0 (Strong unknown, not wet(i think non acid) high fun
Next day 1.0 high fun.

Here we go... First strange thing i noticed, third day i was high in afternoon without weed. Normal week, clear brain. I drunk 0.5l of vodka and next day i got all visual snow symptoms. I was so stressed that i damaged my brain for 2months. Last 2months (4months of visual snow) i started to see things.. some sort of faces or eyes in front of me. Faces and strange objects in corner of eye.

I'm not in psychosis. I know whats real and not even with depersonalization. I can imagine sounds(that happened before, like dog bark or something) or stuck them for minutes.

I'm schizophrenic or what? These hallucinations are so strange... Will i heal after all? For now ofc i want to heal my hallucinations but visual snow is destroying me too.

I hope we will all heal from this. 

P.S. I stopped everything after visual snow. No drugs, No alchogol, fuck this shit really.
 

P.S.S. If i focus my mind, focus my vision i don't see any hallucinations. Only in mirrors, and for first 30seconds only. + Its not always. If i work on my bike in mornings, its very rare to hallucinations to appier, but later in afternoon.. if only i could stop thinking about it after hard day.

Edited April 7, 2021 by Tentari

[cosmiccharlie]

Hello, 

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and I apologize for the delayed response.  Try and stay calm and stay clean.  This is the best thing you can do.  If you feel psychologically unstable I would recommend seeking medical help, anxiety, depression and this disorder can be debilitating.  I tell everyone the same thing:

• Stop all drugs (even alcohol for a bit if you can) 
• Get as much sleep as you can 
• Exercise regularly even if it makes your symptoms worse
• Eat well 
• Stay busy with work/ school/ hobby etc
• Try not to worry 
• Learn to meditate if you can (this was really helpful for me) 
• If you're open to it, start praying to God (it doesn't have to be any particular religion just ask for help on your knees everyday.  I really believe it will come if we reach out)

Eventually, things will get better.  Unfortunately there's no way of knowing how long this will take.  It depends upon several factors such as the types of drugs, quantity ingested, frequency of use and most importantly your individual physiology.  Just give it time and your body and mind will heal, I went through it myself and it is hard.  However, when you recover, the appreciation that you have for life is unbeatable; you have that to look forward to.  Just relax and let your body do the work.  There's not much else you can do.  Do you think and will your body to recover from a cold?  No, it's involuntary, this is similar.  Try not to obsess over it just keep moving and stay positive. 

 

Take Care,

Nick