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Kinda crapping myself


2muchmandy
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Today i just kinda realised i had what were probably warnings of hppd and have done for a year so after smoking weed or staying up too late after drinking heavily. Seeing static in the dark, ghosting shapes and stuff. When trying to sleep seeing the graphic nasty images etc and obviously i didnt know about hppd so i just ignored it, i didnt know what was going on.

Maybe it was unrelated but who knows. Was just kinda wondering if this is the case and iv drank and taken drugs now and then but stopped now its definately set in. How bad can this get. The first week i had it was unbearable, the paranoia, the visuals and so on, things improved ten fold since then. i feel basically normal bar the visuals sparkly and patterny for 10 mins when i wake up, text wobbles and breathes a little, snowy most of the time, ghosty patterns on walls but over all things seem to be improving

do any of the long timers have any advice or thoughts on how im doing? and how bad can hppd actually get, like i mean i remember jay saying for 3 years he felt like he was on acid and that really terrifies me. i feel like im on the mend so, i dunno. bit of reassurance or others thoughts would be good.

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As long as you stay off the drugs, I can't see anything but a full recovery, mate. You might see the occasional visuals (which i'm certain are natural anyway, we just damaged our filter) but as long as the anxiety and dp/dr are gone, I think you will live a very happy life. I'm sure you'll be able to enjoy some nights down the pub and all the other stuff that you should be doing at your age (cept drugs).... Just don't go over the top on booze, but a few beers isn't likely to bring this back.

It can get very bad, living hell.... So that is the perfect knowledge to have if you ever get tempted to do drugs again.

Keep fightin fella, sounds like you are almost there

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Its just the fact i may have kept drugging through the warnings so it may be too late and thats whats scaring me shitless. i just dont wanna be living in a permanant acid trip u know. but as i say im pretty sure im healing well and its just the nerves that are there. if i do heal il probably never drink again, dont wanna risk it.

i dunno what the fuck id do if it worsened severely. i feel kinda proud in the sense alot of people would have gone completely mental by now but iv managed to keep it together

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there are a few people who have become worse some time after stopping drugs... But they are few and far between and it has taken something really stressful to raise their symptoms.... the only cases of people getting worse after recovery.. that I remember were 1) From taking an SSRI 2) From a mega booze binge and 3) From a divorce or something like that, maybe losing their job... something stressful.

sitting around wondering if you will one day get worse is a bit like sitting around wondering if you will one day get cancer or hit by a bus. As long as you are doing all the things to minimise the scenario, you are doing your best and what will be, will be... I know it is hard, but try not to overthink it. even if the worst did happen, you will still keep going, still keep fighting. Like you say, you should be proud of yourself for managing this, and you will continue to do so, whatever tomorrow brings.

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thanks alot jay thats really made me feel better. iv kinda realised now ( before when i got a break from the anxiety ) id feel good but i spent it worrying about stupid stuff, now iv kinda realised make the most of when i feel good, cos tomorrow i might feel shit.

as for the worsening i lost my job the first week but i wasnt stressed about it and im friends with my boss so it wasnt on terrible terms. i think il just continue getting plenty vitamin C, keep as care free as possible and think positive.

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