Jump to content

Hi please help me!


cs1234
 Share

Recommended Posts

Before I start, I'm sorry for writing this tome but please if you could just read my story and respond it would be great!

Hi! I'm not really sure what's going on with me but it isn't normal and signs point to HPPD...

So to start out, I've tripped acid 3 times so far. The first time was 4 and a 1/2 weeks ago and it was incredible. The hallucinations were a couple tracers, a concentric circle pattern during the peak, some things turned green, and a TON of distortions.

The second trip was 2 and a 1/2 weeks ago, and it was crazy. The trip started off with a couple circles bunched together in the center of my vision. About 2 hours in, i smoked half a bowl of dank and that's when i started having a bad trip. The hallucinations were crazy and completely indescribable. The whole world started to melt, wave and drip. I was freaked out for about an hour and a half until one of my family members 'talked' me out of the bad trip, and i started feeling good again. The rest of the trip was enjoyable, but I couldn't shake the nervous, anxious feeling.

The circles came back off and on for the next 3 days. I saw them with open and close eyes. They were kind of annoying, but nothing too bad and I just thought that the acid hadn't left my system yet and sure enough after 3 days (which is the maximum time acid stays in the body) the circles stopped.

The third and most recent trip was 1 and a 1/2 weeks ago. The huddle of circles came back and were pretty big this time, and it stayed with me the whole time. Everything was really bright and lights had a big rainbow aura around them (this was a first for me). The anxious feeling came back from the last trip, and the trip almost turned sour when I had a hot flash (fortunately I stepped outside and prevented the bad trip though). The anxiety stayed with me the whole time. The acid pretty much kept me up all night and for the last 3 hours before I went to sleep I felt incredibly enlightened and to be honest, the feeling was kind of indescribable

Ever since then, for the last 1 and a 1/2 weeks, the circles have come back off and on. Sometimes the circles are really big and sometimes they're small. They get worse in the dark and when ever I start to panic. To describe them in more depth, its a bunch of really small circles huddled together with a ring of concentric circles around them. They're in the center of my vision and they aren't that big. Sometimes when I focus on the circles it seems like they are moving inwards/outwards or flashing. I can also see through them. I try not to think about them because I don't even notice them when I don't think about it. In the morning I usually don't even see them at all, and they just come back later in the day. I've also noticed that lights have an aura around them, but not as big or as intense as the auras around lights I saw on acid. Anyways, these circles are a huge source of anxiety for me, and the anxiety just gets worse the longer the circles don't go away. I don't feel like myself anymore and I just want them to go away. I constantly live in fear of a couple things:

a)the circles get bigger

b)the circles won't go away

c)I'm gonna go crazy

It's also worth mentioning that the day after the last trip, I smoked some grandaddy purp and the circles got really big. The other times I smoked the circles were the same as when I'm sober. I smoke weed 0-3 times a week and I'd rather not give it up.

The circles totally don't get in the way of my life, like I said before they're just annoying and cause a lot of anxiety. I'm 16 years old and frightened. I don't know what to do or who to go to, all I want is for the circles to stop. Any advice on how long they will stay or how to get rid of them will help so please any responses would be great!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best thing you could do is to stop all drugs including weed. I kept going and it just makes everything a lot worse even though i cut down on weed and cut out hallucinogens. I've now had hppd for 4.5 years and probably could of prevented it if i stopped using. If you ask any one els on this site who kept going as well they'll tell you they wish they could rewind time and stopped too. What you are experiencing now could only just be the start too. Just read some of the other symptoms people have and ask your self is getting stonned worth it?

I've never had acid my self but to have 3 trips in a month sounds pretty full on. Most people i know who have had it wouldn't take it more then that in a year. I have herd a lot of my friends saying things move for them but they don't say any thing about hppd symptoms. But just don't risk it!

I don't want to sound like your mum but its just a place you don't want to be.

Best of luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got mild symptoms from acid which i ignored at first. Then i started doing molly. And kept smokin weed. It all started to go downhill from there so i had to stop everything.

Honestly, man, if you can't stop doin drugs, DONT DO ACID OR MDMA/EXCTACY. And at the VERY, VERY least take a break from weed. Of course it would be better if you stopped, but no one's going to convince you but yourself. I didnt listen, but i stopped out of necessity after awhile.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hmm i dno who will agree with this but i i think they might go away if you stopped thinking about them

sobriety too ofc... but if you dont have any other symptoms then it may just be you creating them with your mind by thinking they will be there?

if you get me

i think this is what happened to me wit hafew things before i got full blown hppd

i also continued drug use- STUPID

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yep, as the others said, this is a HUGE warning sign... listen to your body/mind.

most of us are on here now because we got these signs and carried on regardless. Is it worth risking years/decades of normal life for a few nights on the acid? It's not easy, especially is your friends are still loving it... but yuo have to be strong and say no... you can still party, beers etc... maybe even some weed and stuff (thought I would have a few months off).

Good luck, I hope... in the best possible sense, not to see you here again.. with the exception of maybe a message to say it has gone away and you'll steer clear of physcedelics.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hmm i dno who will agree with this but i i think they might go away if you stopped thinking about them

sobriety too ofc... but if you dont have any other symptoms then it may just be you creating them with your mind by thinking they will be there?

if you get me

i think this is what happened to me wit hafew things before i got full blown hppd

i also continued drug use- STUPID

I do think that the symptoms are caused by my anxiety and by constantly thinking about it, because when I forget about it I usually don't even see it. However, I know that they are real hallucinations (it's not just my mind) because even when I forget about it whenever I walk into a dark room it comes back.

Also, I'm too scared about taking medicine because I've heard of those making the hallucinations worse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

yep, as the others said, this is a HUGE warning sign... listen to your body/mind.

most of us are on here now because we got these signs and carried on regardless. Is it worth risking years/decades of normal life for a few nights on the acid? It's not easy, especially is your friends are still loving it... but yuo have to be strong and say no... you can still party, beers etc... maybe even some weed and stuff (thought I would have a few months off).

Good luck, I hope... in the best possible sense, not to see you here again.. with the exception of maybe a message to say it has gone away and you'll steer clear of physcedelics.

I'm never gonna trip again and I plan on cutting back the weed (even though it helps me sleep through the CEVs) and eventually stopping for a couple months.

Does anyone think that my symptoms could get worse from here?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

it's possible, yea. But not probable, it my opinion.

We have had a few members get much worse after a really heavy session on the alcohol, so just be wary of that, while you try and recover, just stick to the beers.. and usual ways to minimise hangover... lots of water and stuff. Exctasy/mdma is a big no, no... and things like salvia... If you can stick to the low grade weed, that will help.

Good luck, Jay

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do think that the symptoms are caused by my anxiety and by constantly thinking about it, because when I forget about it I usually don't even see it. However, I know that they are real hallucinations (it's not just my mind) because even when I forget about it whenever I walk into a dark room it comes back.

Also, I'm too scared about taking medicine because I've heard of those making the hallucinations worse.

oh dont worry i know theyre definately real but the more you ignroe them and carry on as if therye not there, the faster they go away :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dont listen to what anyone tells you, LSD (acid) is one of the worst drugs you can take, if not the VERY worst. Looking back I would honestly rather shoot Heroin into my balls than take Acid. Atleast Heroin does not make you freak out and hallucinate the rest of your life! I would rather die of an overdose than die slowly living a life of misery.

Let this be a warning, stop drugs, they will fry your brain and make you stupid. You are 16 so you are still VERY young. Just wait untill you start getting into your 20's and enter the `real world`. If your brain is fried or you have lingering effects from drugs, how are you ever going to make it in this world?

I am 30 years old and still live with my parents, my mental state is so fucked up i cannot even get a job or lead a normal life. All because i ignored those warning signs when i was your age. Let it be a lesson. Stop now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No offense here but people who say that ignoring the symptoms makes them "go away" I dont believe even have HPPD. The problem is much deeper than that. One simply does not ignore the dozen+ visual symptoms and the dissociation and feel ok again.

No, if you think ignoring is a cure then you're on the wrong message board.

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Hey everyone its been almost 2 months now since my hppd developed and I'm just giving an update. Anyways over the past 2 months I can definitely tell the visuals have gotten better because there's a noticeable change in the visual snow - it takes up less of my vision and is now almost completely static whereas 2 months ago it was big and a really freaky fried ass circle pattern. It's harder to notice a change in the light halos/starbursts, but I think those are also getting better. As for after images, I can't tell if those got better either but it's less annoying now. Also now whenever I look at myself in the mirror my pupils aren't as big as a penny lol.

Even though I was urged to stop or at least cut down on the weed, I foolishly havn't...and this lead me to develop a new symptom. So about 2 weeks ago I caught the flu and I pretty much didn't leave my house for 7 days. This whole time I just went on a big weed binge. I smoked within a half hour of getting up and then continued to smoke about 3 or 4 times throughout the day for the whole week. On the last night I got the highest I've been in a couple months and my snow got worse than its ever been, everything was a lot brighter, and tracers were very prevalent. I've seen tracers a couple times when I was high but I didn't think it was one of my sober symptoms. However since that night tracers have been noticeable when I'm sober. Also just a couple days ago I snorted a couple lines of Aderal (Ive never gotten high from a stimulant before) and it made everything look all blurry and surreal and I could tell it made tracers worse. Anyways I decided to smoke while I was coming down from it and I'm not sure if its just that the weed might have been laced (the smoke tasted very strange) or the mix of aderal and weed but I actually saw some distortions and the snow got really really bad. Somehow I actually relaxed myself and everything was back to normal in the morning. Also worth noting about a month ago I had a really tiny peice of a shroom because I wanted to know what it tasted like. It just gave me the tingles and I saw distortions for about 10 seconds and then it was over. Nothing bad came of this little experience but I know I shouldnt have done it. I've also drank a couple times since developing hppd and if anything it helps the visuals go away.

So all in all the visuals have gotten better. The only symptom that actually bothers me is the snow, and its gotten at least 50% better. As for the other symptoms, even though the tracers are new I know everything is slightly getting better...its just harder to see progress in most of the visuals. Starting today I'm taking a break on the ganga that will probably last a couple weeks. I plan on picking it up again later but if the symptoms (or at least the snow) dont get better I'll just keep taking breaks till they are. I'm not really worried about dp/dr. Although I think I had a dp/dr episode one night, that was before I accepted the visuals. They still affect me but Ive just learned to accept it. I just don't see myself getting long lasting dp/dr, especially if the symptoms get better. Even though its just been 2 months, I know the hppd is already alot better than what it used to be. I've already accepted it and I know I'll be able to completely overcome it in the short future. A positive attitude is really important in my opinion and I actually think having one will make symptoms go away faster. I love this board and everyone on it and I'd be pretty lost without it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

No offense here but people who say that ignoring the symptoms makes them "go away" I dont believe even have HPPD. The problem is much deeper than that. One simply does not ignore the dozen+ visual symptoms and the dissociation and feel ok again.

No, if you think ignoring is a cure then you're on the wrong message board.

well i disagree. i am 100% that i have hppd, i have pretty much all the symptoms, i'm just incredibly used to dealing with the anxiety etc and they havent fully gone away, but the anxiety has which in turn made the visuals less intense, the stressing makes them worse for most people as far as ive heard

why else do you think benzos reducing the anxiety helps so many people? i just reduced mine in a different way

Link to comment
Share on other sites

and yeah alot of people say when they get ill the symptoms get worse, never had it myself coz i've not been ill yet but i think most people say it only lasts afew weeks? not sure thought don't quote me on that! although if you say the weed was part of that too then perhaps not :/

i'm glad things are getting better for you though :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try to cut down on the cannabis... I know that someone telling you to stop won't work... You have to want to be clean. But it is something to consider. If your visual stuff doesn't go away and you are still blazin' I would recommend that you give it a week if not a few days to reset your brain. I didn't quit smoking bud after I got the warning signs. Mild HPPD... And my visuals stayed the same and in a subtle way they got worse. Up until an incident, for lack of a better word, an OD on 2C-E, I didn't stop doing anything. But after that massive stupidity, it was a wake-up call to me for sure! I just hope you don't have to hit the bottom to get back on your feet. Unfortunately, a lot of us do, and now 4-5 years later we are stuck with this disorder that may very well be permanent. I am not going to be dishonest and say that my visuals got much better after being clean, but the brain fog and lack of mental clarity has improved for sure. It has even improved since just last week! It is hard to stay away from drugs, I know, but it is a great feeling to wake up and not need something to get normal. I still have to tell myself every morning that I am not going to use today. Be it cannabis or heroin, I still have to tell myself every morning... But things get better and better the longer you stay clean.

Being sick, for me anyways, made my HPPD much worse, but it was only temporary... And I wasn't smoking weed. I've never heard of that sort of visual circle stuff... Kinda sounds like migraine aura? Like the fractal type swirls... Are they colored, or translucent? Like can you see through them? I get geometric shapes rarely, but they aren't really circles. More like fractal hexagons made up of smaller triangles. Do you have the "normal" symptoms? Like lack of mental clarity or fluid textures and visual snow as far as visuals? I sincerely hope that things get better for you, and it would be nice if, in a little while, you write your last post giving a check-in and letting us know that things are better and that you don't need to be on this sight anymore. I just hope you have the ability to learn from our mistakes. It is a rare thing, but maybe you can do it?! Good luck, and I hope your symptoms will work out their wiggles and let you be. It might take some clean time, but don't give up!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got mild symptoms from acid which i ignored at first. Then i started doing molly. And kept smokin weed. It all started to go downhill from there so i had to stop everything.

Honestly, man, if you can't stop doin drugs, DONT DO ACID OR MDMA/EXCTACY. And at the VERY, VERY least take a break from weed. Of course it would be better if you stopped, but no one's going to convince you but yourself. I didnt listen, but i stopped out of necessity after awhile.

Wow I just read your message after I posted mine. You summed it up perfectly! Listen to this guy! Another classic example how not paying attention to the warning signs can leave you fucked without the option of ever using again! In a way it was the same for me, but I also developed a serious addiction so things are a little compounded!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try to cut down on the cannabis... I know that someone telling you to stop won't work... You have to want to be clean. But it is something to consider. If your visual stuff doesn't go away and you are still blazin' I would recommend that you give it a week if not a few days to reset your brain. I didn't quit smoking bud after I got the warning signs. Mild HPPD... And my visuals stayed the same and in a subtle way they got worse. Up until an incident, for lack of a better word, an OD on 2C-E, I didn't stop doing anything. But after that massive stupidity, it was a wake-up call to me for sure! I just hope you don't have to hit the bottom to get back on your feet. Unfortunately, a lot of us do, and now 4-5 years later we are stuck with this disorder that may very well be permanent. I am not going to be dishonest and say that my visuals got much better after being clean, but the brain fog and lack of mental clarity has improved for sure. It has even improved since just last week! It is hard to stay away from drugs, I know, but it is a great feeling to wake up and not need something to get normal. I still have to tell myself every morning that I am not going to use today. Be it cannabis or heroin, I still have to tell myself every morning... But things get better and better the longer you stay clean.

Being sick, for me anyways, made my HPPD much worse, but it was only temporary... And I wasn't smoking weed. I've never heard of that sort of visual circle stuff... Kinda sounds like migraine aura? Like the fractal type swirls... Are they colored, or translucent? Like can you see through them? I get geometric shapes rarely, but they aren't really circles. More like fractal hexagons made up of smaller triangles. Do you have the "normal" symptoms? Like lack of mental clarity or fluid textures and visual snow as far as visuals? I sincerely hope that things get better for you, and it would be nice if, in a little while, you write your last post giving a check-in and letting us know that things are better and that you don't need to be on this sight anymore. I just hope you have the ability to learn from our mistakes. It is a rare thing, but maybe you can do it?! Good luck, and I hope your symptoms will work out their wiggles and let you be. It might take some clean time, but don't give up!

Sorry my grammars so bad but I hate caring about stuff like that outside of school.

Yeah its harder than I thought to quit weed. I broke after a week and a half but i'm still definitely cutting back. Just because something isnt physically addicting doesnt mean you can just quit whenever you want.

As for the circles yes they were a lot more prominent when i first got hppd and have sort of dissolved into static at this point although I still see them sometimes. Come to think of it stress and anxiety played a big part in me losing a lot of sleep when I was still adjusting to the visuals, so those 3 things probably made me see the circles more. I'm not sure what a migraine aura is but I've never had a migraine before. So heres what the circles look like: There was a different circle pattern that I saw for each of my 3 acid trips, the first was concentric circles, the second was a clump of tiny circles (it looked kinda like a clump of soap bubbles) and the third was another larger clump of circles with some other shapes. Its also worth noting that after I smoked pot on my 2nd trip I got pretty crazy patterns like spinning triangles and dancing rainbow cannabis leaves. The Circles that I see in my snow are a combination of all the circle patterns, but they also resemble the look of the pattern after you smoke weed on acid...and I don't see any color in them and they are translucent. Thats probably hard for you guys to picture but its even harder for me to try to describe it. It doesn't really look like fractals but is still really trippy. The only time it changed shape was to a really crazy hexagon pattern when I got really anxious. Am I the only one who sees snow when I close my eyes? As for my other symptoms, I've come to realize that I actually have pretty much all the visual hppd symptoms but didn't recognize them at first. I have snow, floaters trailers, sensitivity to bright lights and auras around lights, ghosting, and after images. My main other symptoms are stress and anxiety. I have noticed myself thinking a little slower and have more frequent 'zone outs' but stress, anxiety and lack of sleep probably give me that. I've also recently developed dry eye, and I'm pretty sure its not just my allergies and have toyed with the idea that hppd causes it.

As for sickness worsening it, I couldn't really tell if being sick had any impact. I have noticeably stronger visuals during a run when I start panting and getting tired. During track practice earlier this week I got so out of breath that I could barely breath for a couple of min even after I stopped running and that was by far the worst visual snow I'd ever seen. I didn't even see any shapes but when I looked up at the sky I honestly thought it was snowing.

Its really cool to be able to talk to people about this kinda thing. None of my friends understand AT ALL. Like seriously they think im lucky to be able to be in a mini trip 24/7. If only they knew...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah it is a very small community... Very few people develop HPPD kind of stuff... At least not a lot of people will admit it. As far as cannabis being hard to quit, I feel you man. That is addiction right there... Doesn't matter what drug, doesn't even matter if it is a drug... People can become addicted to almost anything. Do you have any option of seeing a therapist? My rehab therapists have done me wonders! I hardly ever crave these days, and I wasn't just smoking weed, that's for sure! But yeah, I know I can't even smoke bud because it will likely lead me back to my DOC... Heroin. It is so true, being physically addicted isn't necessary and doesn't necessarily constitute drug addiction at all. It is all addictive behavior. In a way, it is pure escape. Escape from your self when you don't feel comfortable in your own skin... Escape from the stresses of daily life as well as anxiety concerning the future and shame plus depression from the things in your past. I advise you to ask yourself what exactly you are feeling the urge to hide from... Or escape from. That is the first step, but almost everyone with addiction needs some sort of outside help from a therapist in order to move forward. Just know that although it is hard, things will get better. Easier. Just hang in there and if you slip up, don't beat yourself over it... Recovery is a process, not an event. Try take things one day at a time. Every morning I wake up and tell myself that I am not going to use today. Also, if you are having trouble quitting cannabis, for gods sake don't use any "hard" drug. At least being addicted to bud doesn't ruin your life and put you inches from death. Things could be worse, but remember that things can get better! I hope they do!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dude thats so true and really deep. I'm gonna be thinking about your post for the next couple of days. As far as therapists go...well I'll probably see one after I become independent but for now I'm gonna hide the problem from my parents. And about heroin and hard drugs and stuff, Im gonna stay as far away from H as possible cuz I've seen what it does. But honestly, weed really is a gateway drug. I mean it doesn't compel you to go out and shoot coke but would you have done any other drugs if you never tried weed? I dont really consider speed or acid hard drugs, but I sure as hell wouldnt have experimented with them if not for weed. I just got bored with weed and still wanted that escape.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm glad I was able to help. You made a good point. If you are looking for an escape in the first place, eventually there will be a point where cannabis doesn't provide the same relief it did at first. I personally started doing coke unaware that my supply was laced... So if I had never tried cannabis I would have at least delayed the rest of my drug use... But I would still be miserable. It is an everyday challenge, but I try to look at my trials and addiction as an avenue towards personal maturity... The inability to be okay with myself has pretty much always been there, and without the drugs I might not have survived... I'm just trying to express how our trials can be tools for growth... At least for me they were instrumental in obtaining the little kernel of wisdom I have now. So try not to look at things in a negative light... Everything has happened. Don't should on your self ;) and no must-erbating!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.