Getting worse... Can't take this anymore.

[therocknamedwonder]

I developed hppd over 2 months ago. For a while, it seemed to be getting better -- but now i seem to be on the decline. Everyday I wake up & my visual snow is even worse than the day before. I woke up today and the whole room seemed as if it was vibrating. When I first developed hppd I didn't even have visual snow, now I can't even go outside do to night blindness. I keep developing new symptoms... Does that happen??The only difference is that recently I have upped my dose of lamictal of 25 mg to 50 mg, and I am currently taking 0.15 mg of clonidine a day, as well as a benadryl at night to sleep. I don't know what to do. I feel so hopeless, I can't stop thinking of just hanging myself to get away from all this. 

Should I stop lamictal? could that be affecting my symptoms? I thought it was supposed to improve them. Should I try keppra? I'm desperate. I don't know what to do anymore.

[subzero]

You should get some help . Go to a psychiatrist to get some help  he will prescribe an antidepressant with some benzos (i prefer clonazepam) to help you cope better  .  And tell your doctor about your new symptoms . Benadryl (is antihistamine) may increase your visuals temporarily  .that what happened to some users here . I hope you getting better soon 

[Jay1]

please note that anti depressants can make things worse (it made me suicidal)... benzos can work wonders though, but beware of the addiction potential. I find a 4 day on, 3 day off system can work well to give yourself relief while avoiding addiction.

Please please don't do anything drastic though... There is every chance you will recover from this, and even if you don't there are ways to cope. I'm 23 years into a severe case and still have reasons to be happy in life... Please PM me if you need any help, advice or just want to rant. 

and yes, I would probably stop lamictal if you have seen changes in your symptoms... It is better to define your baseline without medication for as long as you can cope. Perhaps with some benzos ready for when things feel hopeless. 

[rafiki]

HPPD is worse for about the first 6 months, then it gradually fades to a stable level. You might not need any medication eventually. It's a bit of a learning curve figuring out what makes you worse and what doesn't - there are very few things that will "permanently" make you worse. Most things are a few hours (coffee or a hangover) to months (weed for me).

My advice would be before you start a medication, scour these forums to see what the general consensus is - it's usually right.

When you can avoid your triggers, you can start to put together a normal life and heal. The more you focus on the HPPD (for example by visiting this forum), the worse your symptoms appear.

Please keep going! I'd recommend valdoxan if you need an anti-depressant that won't mess you up. I've been on it for 5 months and it's not affected my symptoms, and worked very well.

[Jay1]

the main things to avoid during these early months... drugs, alcohol, caffeine, fast food, SSRIs, anti psychotic meds, stress