am i developing hppd?

[stupidk]

Hello. I am currently not a sufferer (i don't think) of hppd, but there are some things I've noticed that make me concerned that I am in the early stages of getting it.

To start this off, I smoked for about 2 years, not very often, but still have smoked weed. The drug that I am concerned about giving me hppd is MDMA. I took MDMA at a music festival in june. When I was rolling, I threw up about 30-40 minutes after ingesting a capsule of .15 gram tested MDMA. I was anxious about rolling so i went into it scared, and was anxious on the pill (no surprise there). After a while I had a great time and eventually it wore off about 6-7 hours later. While on MDMA I saw halos around the moon and lights and colors were mor vibrant. The stars in the sky were glowing more and it looked like people were walking in slow motion. I was full of energy after my throwing up and anxiousness and loved the moment i was in and my friends. The next day I didn't feel down, I was actually energized. I saw a halo around the moon the next night... never have seen that again though. That night however, I felt myself come down and was feeling blah and had very bad anxiety. This anxiety lasted 2-3 days. Than a week later I had my first panic attack. A week after that panic attack, I had no anxiety... until i went out with a friend. I drank a lot, smoked, and ended up being delusional. I believe i had a panic attack from the dab pen i smoked. I thought i was dying and kept telling my friend to tell my mom i loved her and if i got any worse take me to the hospital. From that night on i suffered EXTREME anxiety. I had DR/DP, dizziness, and nose/head pressure. One day i was so freaked out sitting in my car, I looked up at my house and saw my roof cave in like it was breathing. This has been the only time I have ever seen anything "breath". This all went away eventually besides the anxiety. In august, i believe i began to notice eye floaters. I've never had eye floaters before in my entire life. I still see them outside in the sky or against a bright light or if I'm out in the sun. They are not in my field of vision constantly. I also noticed halos around street lights, traffic lights, car lights. I feel as if this is normal however but just thought I should mention it. No visual snow but i am noticing visual noise that i believe everyone see's because I'm hypersensitive and looking for it. Randomly i have seen a line of light appear in my vision, this recently started this month as well. And during class I have seen a light form around my professors if they are standing near a white board and when i move my eyes the figure of their body appears in the "light" that i saw. this only happens occasionally however. Also my eyes hurt by the end of the day, I can't tell if its because I am staring at my computer/ phone screen all day googling my symptoms. I have OCD now trying to figure out If I should be concerned or not. 

Going to get my eyes checked today about the floaters... but need advice on if I'm developing hppd. I am afraid I am going to wake up one morning and its just going to be there. Im not a heavy user in drugs. Literally only took MDMA once. 

[subzero]

Eye floaters is very normal that all ppl can see , i have something to say to u (YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAY FROM ALL DRUGS) and you will be fine 

[stupidk]

I am staying away from all drugs haven’t touched anything & never plan too. Just wanna be out of this nightmare. 

[therocknamedwonder]

If you do have HPPD, it sounds rather mild. My best advice is to listen to your body. I would stay away from all drugs, especially psychoactive ones like MDMA/LSD/mushrooms/weed. Yes, even weed... But all in all, don't do ANY drugs. In my experience, the more you focus on your symptoms, the more apparent they become. Anxiety around your symptoms can also make them worse -- it's a vicious cycle, but at least in my experience, focusing on your symptoms & having anxiety around them just makes both the symptoms & anxiety worse. Just stay away from drugs & I'm guessing you'll eventually be alright. Just stay clean, distract yourself, get lots of sleep and try to avoid stress. 

[stupidk]

2 hours ago, therocknamedwonder said:

If you do have HPPD, it sounds rather mild. My best advice is to listen to your body. I would stay away from all drugs, especially psychoactive ones like MDMA/LSD/mushrooms/weed. Yes, even weed... But all in all, don't do ANY drugs. In my experience, the more you focus on your symptoms, the more apparent they become. Anxiety around your symptoms can also make them worse -- it's a vicious cycle, but at least in my experience, focusing on your symptoms & having anxiety around them just makes both the symptoms & anxiety worse. Just stay away from drugs & I'm guessing you'll eventually be alright. Just stay clean, distract yourself, get lots of sleep and try to avoid stress. 

I’m never touching a drug again. I’m just worried it’s going to get worse. I’ve read posts on here that’s people had it very mild and then got it full blown.. I can’t tell if one day I’m going to wake up and have it. I have such bad anxiety over this. 3 months clean now I still drink tho because I’m in college.. also update on my eye exam~ doc said I have no eye floaters in my eyes so that means it’s coming from my brain ... great. 

[therocknamedwonder]

Just now, stupidk said:

I’m never touching a drug again. I’m just worried it’s going to get worse. I’ve read posts on here that’s people had it very mild and then got it full blown.. I can’t tell if one day I’m going to wake up and have it. I have such bad anxiety over this. 3 months clean now I still drink tho because I’m in college.. also update on my eye exam~ doc said I have no eye floaters in my eyes so that means it’s coming from my brain ... great. 

I would say even drinking should be avoided. You should give your brain its best shot to heal, and drinking is pretty awful for you all around. Most people have mild hppd & then it gets triggered by something... Not always just out of the blue. It's happened, but I don't think that's always the case. From what I gather, most people's permanent & major hppd was triggered by SOMETHING. Drugs, stress, etc. Try not to focus on the negative what-ifs, that will just increase your anxiety around your symptoms as a whole. Sometimes people wake up with new symptoms or find its worse, but from what I've researched, it gets worse after a triggering event. Don't beat yourself up over doing MDMA once, or think you've completely fried your brain. Your symptoms are extremely mild. I think you'll be fine.

Many people on the forum find it best to stop all drug use, which I agree with. Abstaining from all drugs is difficult, but gives you the best shot in long run. Instead of focusing on the what-ifs and causing yourself more anxiety, I would say distractions and focusing on stuff to help you heal would be best. You sound like you're experiencing a lot of anxiety, so I would suggest maybe looking for natural ways to calm down. Meditation, breathing exercises, exercising, etc... Time, patience, sobriety, and regulating your body are your best friends hands down. listen to your body. If you are getting early/mild hppd symptoms, avoiding drugs PERIOD is a good call. But if you treat your mind and your body well I'm pretty sure you'll be alright. Take a few deep breaths and stop freaking yourself out by obsessing over possibilities that may or may not happen

[stupidk]

Can someone also explain visual snow to me? I see grainyness In low dim light situations on the walls but if I pick up my phone I don’t see it on my phone screen or if I turn lights on and go outside.. is this visual snow? Also this morning when I opened my eyes I really noticed the grainyness for a minute and I blink a few times and it subsided 

 

[subzero]

There are many types of VS ( but the two main are pulse type and broadband type). Picture  showing the broadband type and video showing the pulse type

 

https://youtu.be/wPjHOkSWvRM

[stupidk]

Also, sitting in class currently and staring at the floor I notice one of the chair legs near where I’m staring is disapperaring out of the corner of My eye..: is this hppd or a normal phenomenon. Also the chair looks like it’s swaying a bit. And I notice I have after images if I stare at something against a white wall.. was wondering if this is also normal. Like currently my professor is sitting in front of a white wall and when I look at her and then look at the white board I see this green and purple light out her outline for a second then disappears but if i look anywhere else in room I don’t see the after image 

[stupidk]

Is it a good idea for me to start taking lexapro if I could possibly have mild hppd? I can’t take the obsession of wondering if I have it anymore... seeing after images when an object is against white wall very briefly, not seeing visual snow outside but I see grainyness in low lighting, eye floaters in the sky but not all the time... someone help 

[subzero]

4 hours ago, stupidk said:

Is it a good idea for me to start taking lexapro if I could possibly have mild hppd? I can’t take the obsession of wondering if I have it anymore... seeing after images when an object is against white wall very briefly, not seeing visual snow outside but I see grainyness in low lighting, eye floaters in the sky but not all the time... someone help 

According to what Dr. Abraham said all antidepressants are safe for hppders except nortryptline  . But in my experience mirtazapine (which is tetracyclic antidepressant) triggered my mild motion blindness

[stupidk]

I read that anti depressants can give you mild motion blindness and if you stop taking them that symptom goes away? Have you tried to stop taking them and it went away or is it from the hppd and never went away 

[subzero]

51 minutes ago, stupidk said:

I read that anti depressants can give you mild motion blindness and if you stop taking them that symptom goes away? Have you tried to stop taking them and it went away or is it from the hppd and never went away 

Sadly it never went away even after stopping antidepressants 

 

[stupidk]

How severe was your hppd before you started taking the antidepressants? I can’t even tell if I have hppd but the floaters and the occasional after image I see if an object is against a white wall makes me think I could have it idk...

[subzero]

Just now, stupidk said:

How severe was your hppd before you started taking the antidepressants? I can’t even tell if I have hppd but the floaters and the occasional after image I see if an object is against a white wall makes me think I could have it idk...

It's normal for ppl to experience after image to some degree . But what is not normal when you experiencing it a lot of time 

[stupidk]

Could use some positive feed back. I am dealing with this a lot better I’ve started going to the gym and it’s reduced my anxiety tremendously but I still see things that scare me. I believe I had pre-hppd bc of the grainyness I see in low light, the eye floaters in certain lighting situations, after images when I look at something against a wall not all day everyday, and halos around lights at night (although my friend said she sees that’s too so I’m not sure if that’s hppd but I thought I would include it). I was hoping who had mild hppd and it went away could respond and let me know what they did to reduce it and how long it took for it to go away. I am not using any drugs now or every again have been clean since June I know to avoid drugs at all costs 

[MadDoc]

Staying clean is an excellent decision.  Getting out and exercising is also a good move.  Mind and body.  Keep yourself focused on your studies, work, hobbies, social connections, whatever.  My advice is to not implode.  As someone said earlier, don't give your symptoms your full attention.  Accept them, realize that they're a part of you, but don't feed them.  Be strong and don't let this beat you!  Life continues.  You're doing great.  Keep clean, keep exercising,  and focus on the things that interest  you and give you joy.  

What helped me?  Staying clean, staying focused, and time.  If you have some form of hppd you can live a happy productive life.  It's possible that you don't have hppd at all ( I'm not an expert or a doctor).  You were wise enough to seek sobriety early in life. That's key. 

Hang in there and take care.

Edited October 5, 2018 by MadDoc
Foolish typing

[stupidk]

I’m really noticing halos around lights now. My symptoms remain the same but I guess I’m noticing them more?  Visual snow in dark rooms, eye floaters in certain lighting, slight afterimages if I look for them, I noticed last night when I moved my eyes up or down while driving the car light trailed with my eyes for a second while I moved them, if someone takes a picture the flash light stays in my eyes for a while... will this get any better... no drugs coming up on 4 months. Barley drink but I still drink the tiniest bit.. wtf I just want my life back.