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-My grandmother died October 13. We were close.

-Nov 3, quit cigarettes, got on Nicorette spray. Quit nicotine November 15.

-November 20, start drinking coffee all day every day, too lethargic from quitting smoking and felt like I had a constant dopamine deficiency.

-HPPD got so much worse after quitting smoking. It's been 3 months, no urges or cravings to smoke whatsoever. Images got worse and became more body-centric. I'll see my ribcage in my head, my stomach, feel weird and trippy sensations.

-I'll fluctuate between feeling horrible for a week or two to feeling 70-80%, one day I felt 90-95. The fluctuation and plateauing is worrying me. I just want to get better and stay at a constant 80%. I could live the rest of my life comfortably at 80%.

-Sleep schedule the past 2 weeks has been insane. Staying up all day and night, and the next day to fix it. Staying up for 2 days straight. Getting 4 hours, 6, 12, 4, 6, 4, you get the picture. I feel when I'm at a consistent week at 8 hours a night I'll feel better.

-Fixing my diet because I have GERD. Eating less, better, cut out sugar. 

-Attempting NoFap.

-Applying to jobs. Looking for something that I can handle.


My life is still very, very stressful and there's a lot of family stuff going on that I didn't mention. I feel like if a lot of this external stress diminished my symptoms would get better. Sometimes I feel like I need a 3rd party perspective because I can't see all the issues at once.

Hope you guys are doing alright.

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I refer to my meditation practice as "medicine for a modern world".  Life can be really stressful at times.  Relationships, jobs, money, desires, kids, politics, etc., etc.  I think the gadgets we have make life more convenient while not allowing us to properly disconnect.  Humans IMHO need this space to be well.  

Sorry to hear about your Grandmother.  I lost my Grandfather 30 years ago and I still miss him.  

Tough being human.

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I have stomach problems similar to GERD. I basically have to follow all the same protocol. Best thing that's helped me is cutting back drastically on fat, citrus, spicy foods -- anything that will irritate your insides. However the best thing I've found is balancing my stomach PH by eating alkaline foods which are basically just green veggies. I make a smoothie in the morning that's mostly spinach, chard, dandelion greens, parsley, cucumber and then a little non-alkaline fruit like banana and blueberry and man it makes me feel great. 

All that said, I've had the roughest stretch of my life outside of two years ago when my entire life collapsed about six months after getting HPPD. I have a thyroid issue, gastrointestinal problems, HPPD, broken bones in my foot, a pulled muscle in my abdomen, I've run through all my savings and can honestly barely make it through the day sometimes. One thing HPPD has taught me is to just keep going no matter how painful everything is on a daily basis. I feel I've damn near perfected the craft of living is absolute misery 24-7. I'm just happy I've made enough progress on the HPPD front to see the light at the end of the tunnel -- even though it's still far away. 

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I got a job and was 80-85 most days. Getting out and being busy and being around people is the closest thing for a cure to me. To me this is some kind of attentional and anxiety disorder. I could literally feel the hppd dissipating as the anxiety and hypervigilance has melted away I  the past 8 months.

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