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Change in my visual symptoms


Lizord
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Hi all, long time reader, first time poster.

I got a mild case of HPPD from a six month weed bender. There were like five MDMA rolls and three mushroom trips also. I realized i didn't feel myself and stopped smoking weed, using mushroom and MDMA. This happened about four years ago. My symptoms at their worst during that time was mild VS, mild after images(barely noticeable, but they existed), depersonalization and brain fog. 

So, up until recently, the DR, DP and brainfog have really lifted. I barely have any problem with them. I had used some drugs sparingly on the weekends. Stuff like 3-fpm, Hexen, and some others. I'm not proud of this, but my visual symptoms didn't change from what I could discern, so i thought, why not? 

One day, I tried a compound I've never had before called 4-mpd. I snroted 30 mgs and went for a jog. When I got back in the house, I realized something was off. My visual snow was a couple levels stronger now. It now climbed freely on the walls with the lights on, and before it didn't. Everything was giving me an after image also. Any light, no matter how dim, caused an after image that would flash for a second of two before fading. I also have illusory palinopsia now; waving my hand causes it to blur across my field of view. 

It's been a few months since things have gotten this way and nothing has improved. I wanted to hear any thoughts on this situation. 

I quit all drugs and I mean ALL. I run daily and eat reasonably well. I'm just shocked that my visual stuff got so much worse when it seemed like nothing could make it change before. I'm guessing this will probably never get any better. Wanted to share this experience as sort of a warning. Leave the drugs alone. Ask me any questions, no matter how old the post is, I'll keep up as much as I can. 

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I don't consider myself old (I'm 29), but I honestly can't believe all the drugs kids are doing these days. They're all manufactured and have names that sounds like Star Wars robots. These just don't sound safe on a surface level. Who's making them? What's in them? Is there any organic compounds or is it all just chemicals mixed together? I never knew HPPD existed prior to getting it but if someone had approached me about trying some of these new-age designer drugs I would have suspected they weren't safe to begin with. I'm not at all trying to say this is your fault, so please don't take it that way. I feel bad for you just like I do anyone that gets HPPD. I just don't get why people are putting all these mystery drugs into their bodies these days. When I was growing up, which really wasn't that long ago, it was just weed, shrooms, acid and occasionally a painkiller or some cocaine here or there and that was it. I really worry about HPPD growing exponentially with all these new drugs out there...

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Give yourself some time.  A couple of months isn't much.  Staying clean is the single best thing you can do for yourself.  Keep up the jogging, exercise is good too!  Try not to be pessimistic.  Chances are your symptoms will improve as long as you stay clean.  A positive attitude goes a long way.  

KB, I agree.  The chemicals available now are scary.  They have no track record and they're constantly tweaking these molecules so they're "legal".  People, be careful!  

Edited by MadDoc
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5 hours ago, K.B.Fante said:

I don't consider myself old (I'm 29), but I honestly can't believe all the drugs kids are doing these days. They're all manufactured and have names that sounds like Star Wars robots. These just don't sound safe on a surface level. Who's making them? What's in them? Is there any organic compounds or is it all just chemicals mixed together? I never knew HPPD existed prior to getting it but if someone had approached me about trying some of these new-age designer drugs I would have suspected they weren't safe to begin with. I'm not at all trying to say this is your fault, so please don't take it that way. I feel bad for you just like I do anyone that gets HPPD. I just don't get why people are putting all these mystery drugs into their bodies these days. When I was growing up, which really wasn't that long ago, it was just weed, shrooms, acid and occasionally a painkiller or some cocaine here or there and that was it. I really worry about HPPD growing exponentially with all these new drugs out there...

Yeah, I sort of want to blame the fact that the chem was a designer drug, but i got my first symptoms years back from MDMA, a fairly well understood chemical. I've had RCs that never exacerbated my symptoms. They might have contributed to a later condition, but speculating is a waste of time. I'll never touch another again. I don't even take prescription meds anymore. Those aren't really any safer when you have HPPD. And I'm talking in terms of the odds of worsening symptoms, or adding side effects or dependency issues, but that's every man and woman's decision to make with a med professional.

I will say, HPPD becoming more common might be a good thing. More visibility might mean more media attention and research, and maybe better treatments. My two pennies. 

2 hours ago, MadDoc said:

Give yourself some time.  A couple of months isn't much.  Staying clean is the single best thing you can do for yourself.  Keep up the jogging, exercise is good too!  Try not to be pessimistic.  Chances are your symptoms will improve as long as you stay clean.  A positive attitude goes a long way.  

KB, I agree.  The chemicals available now are scary.  They have no track record and they're constantly tweaking these molecules so they're "legal".  People, be careful!  

This is sort of my philosophy. Drugs got me in this mess. Time to live clean.  

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Sobriety has treated me well.  There was a time where I felt life without drugs would be dull and unexciting.  I've found the opposite to be true.  I'm not a religious sort, but every sober day feels like a miracle.  Sounds stupid, but that's how it registers in my coconut.  

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4 hours ago, MadDoc said:

Sobriety has treated me well.  There was a time where I felt life without drugs would be dull and unexciting.  I've found the opposite to be true.  I'm not a religious sort, but every sober day feels like a miracle.  Sounds stupid, but that's how it registers in my coconut.  

To piggyback on this subject and what I posted in David's thread, what essentially got absorbed into the culture from the 60s was the idea that drugs were the key to "expanding your mind" when in fact it was Eastern philosophy, Jungian psychology, the foundations laid by the Beat poets and Avant Guard art and of course the war in Vietnam. All of these things collided and though drugs were a part of it they were't the only part and yet past generations have really looked past how holistic the 60s were. Meditation, spirituality, philosophy, enlightenment and seeing the world differently is where so many from that era ended up, with better lives, more happiness, more peace and understanding about the world, and yet popular culture just seems intent on linking the 60s to LSD as if it was the catalyst that revolutionized everything. 

I apologize for ranting but I've been studying on this era lately and it's just all the more frustrating to be in my position, to know there were all sorts of cases of mental collapse related to LSD and drugs back then and yet everyone just overlooked it and wrote it off and never seemed willing to admit that these drugs weren't all that safe. Did they expand people's minds? I know many people have felt that way, but they also ruined people's lives and nobody wanted to admit that fact. 

Long story short: If you truly want enlightenment you must obtain it through sobriety, through healthy living, through vulnerability, through volunteer work, through friendship, family, understanding history and artistic expression and everything else that makes being a human worthwhile. Hijacking your brain with chemicals for a few hours of increased dopamine isn't going to expand your mind. It might make you feel good, then again it also might get you HPPD. But living a sober, healthy lifestyle brings nothing but positives and can open you up to becoming an authentic, joyous human being in ways you never thought possible. 

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