TheGman6072 Posted November 22, 2015 Report Posted November 22, 2015 I'm sorry but this has to end now. Just as I am starting to get better, everything just took a massive turn for the worst. I am cutting my father out of my life now officially and since both of my parents are so naive and unsupportive, I think it's time to prove to them how serious this is but at a cost. Something feels terribly off and it is not good at all. I'm only 17 so what's a quick painless way to kill myself ? I'm scared to do it but I have to. This must end.
Jay1 Posted November 22, 2015 Report Posted November 22, 2015 You will go through ups and downs, but you are recovering. You know the best way to say a big fück you to your parents? Move on with your life and become a success. I left home at 17... I left the town I grew up in, moved to a city,got a job and a place to live. You don't need other people's help, just your own. Stay strong... You are seeing signs of improvement... To waste that just because of your parents would be crazy.
K.B.Fante Posted November 22, 2015 Report Posted November 22, 2015 I agree with Jay. Killing yourself to prove a point to your parents isn't a good way of going about trying to send a message. After all, you'll never really know what their response will be like since you won't be there to see it. Your much better off just moving out and not talking to them. I too have had a complicated relationship with my father since getting HPPD and for a while I had to cut him out of my life. But you can't make short-term decisions that have long-term consequences when you're going through something like HPPD that can be cured with time. Just get your parents out of the picture, don't talk to them anymore, and move on with your life. If you really want to hurt them, it will hurt them much more if they know you're alive somewhere but have no idea how to contact you. Trust me on this one.
TheGman6072 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Report Posted November 22, 2015 I'm either going to kill myself or move in with one of my former drug dealers. I just need to get away from this life of hell
Guyindubai Posted November 22, 2015 Report Posted November 22, 2015 You dont need to end your life.. HPPD is hard. and tough, and makes you want to quit life, but you must stay strong and have faith, you will get better, you will have better days.. your still young and have a life ahead of you.. you will be happy again, just be patient. By all means move out from your parents house, but you need to look into things that will help you, have you tried taking any medications? please feel free to PM I willing to give you as much advise and talk to you as much as you need. but you need to stay strong and hang in there. My HPPD started at the age of 18.. i wanted to kill myself back then, but 7 year later i have managed to recover from everything and live a normal life-- and i think you can and will be able to live a happy life. Dont give up, stay strong.
256 Posted November 23, 2015 Report Posted November 23, 2015 Man i really feel for you, I have constant suicidal thoughts myself not just because of my hppd but because of the depression it gives me and the hopelessness I feel and the pressures of engineering school. and just to agree with you YOUR PARENTS FUCKING SUCK. When i finally told my parents i felt aweful for them because they UNDERSTOOD what kind of hell I am going through. I'm sure many of us including myself have looked into quick painless methods of suicide but the fact is none of us will tell you because if we gave you advice on killing yourself we would never forgive ourselves. Personally I am a right to die supporter and a Christian... its complicated... but I have to urge you to keep trying. A tool I use is to make lists of things you live for even if they aren't that signigicant. I'll share mine with you My family, My friends, My fraternity, A mild hope for recovery, things I haven't accomplished yet and want to, My date on Tuesday, Supernatural season 11, the new blink-182 album when it finally comes out. Just anything you have to look forward to CLING TO IT! and don't let the downs in life make you irrational. My ex girlfriend broke up with me a week ago after I told her I had hppd and that I cut myself. I had the gun to my head sitting on a park swingset but I told myself If I'm going down its gonna be at the last second when I can fight no more, not cuz some bitch got me down.
TheGman6072 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Report Posted November 23, 2015 I'm going to try one last time with an appointment. I've already decided on killing myself if this shit isn't gone by the time I'm 18 or when I get the chance
umit Posted November 23, 2015 Report Posted November 23, 2015 I have 200x500mg levetiracetam (keppra) if you want i cant fix it i have prescribe i didnt buy it buth oterwise like they said you are young you wil recover with time be sure just find something to speed up your recovery like me my hppd was just 2 yeas hell now i am living a happy live close to normal thanks to adding some intensieve sport speeded up my recovery just stay of drugs you wil make a big chanche i am sure you will find your own way to speed up your recovery if you keep trying
Mr.50's Posted November 24, 2015 Report Posted November 24, 2015 Unit, what does keppra do for you? Does it help and how much?
umit Posted November 24, 2015 Report Posted November 24, 2015 It didnt do anything buth i only used for 2 months i am some one does not respond to most medicens like a few other ssri i tryed samething anti psychotics only worked for me until now buth i try to be medicine free 1 day i hope i am klonopin free for a long time thats good moving to last one i am using
mgrade Posted November 24, 2015 Report Posted November 24, 2015 Suicide is an option but it is good to leave options OPEN; once you are dead you have no options. Most of us (especially those who have been on this site for many years) have been through several, several, many, many bouts of suicidal ideation. I am thinking your life is worth living because you have many people you can help. And if you are no longer here on earth, you won't be able to help. People need you. And it is your duty to make the effort (however hard it is) to help and to walk others along with you and for them to walk with you. This is not a place for the weak: this world. But show those fuckers you are not weak and persevere!!!! Grab the bull by the balls and throw 'em at your adversaries. Get tired of those wishy-washy, indifferent, cold-hearted people; and form your own reality. And beat the fuck out of this disease!!! Good Luck!!! i mean in 100% sincerity ...and Stay up. Because life depends on it. Because we fknn care about you!!!!!!
TheGman6072 Posted November 24, 2015 Author Report Posted November 24, 2015 I often think about suicide and I even attempted it once but failed. I'm going to try to get an appointment again and October 17, 2016 will be judgement day
mgrade Posted November 24, 2015 Report Posted November 24, 2015 An appointment for what exactly? And why is that day a judgement day?
Jay1 Posted November 24, 2015 Report Posted November 24, 2015 Putting a date on when you recover by is useless. It will make you concentrate every single minute on your symptoms... Constantly looking for change. And surely becoming 18 is a date to look forward to... Doesn't that mean you can start doing alot more things without the need for your parents involvement? Get a job, get health insurance, get an apartment, find a doctor who will listen and advise on meds etc
TheGman6072 Posted November 24, 2015 Author Report Posted November 24, 2015 An appointment to hopefully get prescribed Keppra
TheGman6072 Posted November 24, 2015 Author Report Posted November 24, 2015 until my appointment, I'm going to keep sticking with plan b to get meds.
Jay1 Posted November 24, 2015 Report Posted November 24, 2015 Just remember, if you start getting Keppra from other people... It is a fucking strong medication and you cannot just stop taking it if the supply runs out, you HAVE to taper down slowly. If you get down to your last 30 pills and the source dries up, then plan your taper. I lost my pills on a trip to NY and went from 2 grammes a day to zero and it fucked me up for months and months... Like an electric storm was going off in my head.
TheGman6072 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Report Posted November 25, 2015 Well there is also other shit I have my eyes on. My suicidal meltdown is over now but I was so close I actually almost did it. Now I'm in that mode where I'm not suicidal but if there was a train coming at me, I wouldn't rush to get out of the way.
trip into hell Posted November 25, 2015 Report Posted November 25, 2015 brandon i ask myself how long it takes for you to realize that you cant get happy with chemicals + you cant take them all the time nor treat your condition with them...its useless to rely on this shit...start doing something helpful finally instead of suppressing symptoms or plan suicide...again...you are still young dont waste your time or you might regret it some day.
TheGman6072 Posted November 25, 2015 Author Report Posted November 25, 2015 Well my HPPD and dp/dr have gotten a little better back to the way it was a couple weeks ago thank fucking god I thought I was back to hell (not that I was out of it)
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