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Hppd, beeing confused and scared


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Hey, I'm 20 years old and a bit more then a month ago I did my first psychedelic experience. I started smoking weed quite regularly since one and a half year before. I'm on a work and travel year in Australia and when I tried mushrooms I was already two months in Australia. Maybe a year before I didn't consider taking any psychedelic in the next time because I was scared of being confronted with something, but after I went to Australia I felt like I solved all my problems, having a really good time and being now ready for mushrooms. So I went out in nature with a friend who stayed sober and ate about 1.8g powdered mushrooms, pretty strong ones grown in Australia. After half an hour I saw leafs and trees forming some kind of geometric patterns or even words but I wasn't too impressed by that, also I got the feeling of seeing so much sharper then before. Everything was right till we drove back to our campground where some really crazy shit did happen. All in all my friend was totally confused and then got the wrong pedal of our car and drove the car with full speed against a fence. After that I started feeling DR and DP and a bad trip started but without having bad though or so it was more a body based bad trip and with bad feeling DR and DP. I didn't got any visuals except the ones I disscriped. I figured out that my friend was a really bad tripsitter.

On the next day I had some mild flashbacks of the DR. And I started to think about hppd.

I didn't got any DR or DP flashbacks after that. But I got the feeling that my vision wasn't the same. I saw many more floaters in the blue sky and also had some snow which I would discripe as fast flying dust when I look on dark things. I continued smoking weed for 3 weeks after that and these symptoms didn't got worse, the only thing I started to see was that strong lights started sparking when I looked at them in the night, just like the light is flying particles. After a really fun party week I decided to stop weed for some time to get my tolerance down and don't spend so much money (two weeks were planed). Since then the visual snow increased severely. Now when I am lot doing anything which uses my mind I see like a flickering or static over the ground and in the air. Also I still got the feeling of having sharper vision and maybe some trails when I wave my hands in front of my vision, but this could be normal never though about that before.

How can that all be related together, and could it really be hppd or just me being super sensitive because of the fear to never see things the same way. If it's hppd it must be a very weak state but I am really confused by that. I think about smoking again because I always described myself as the perfect weed smoker. It always was fun for me not feeling trippy and I also never had a bad trip from weed. Also I didn't abused it, I managed to get not addicted and mostly smoked in the evening with people only to have fun and enjoy my life.

So can you help me to get all of that together, because I don't know what to do.. kind regards

PS sry for my bad English

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hey nice to type you..and wellcome to this forum.

 

it could be weak hppd .try to take a break of any drugs to lower the risk of aquiring hppd or some other mental condition.

 

or you could have a slight anxiety disorder that has been triggered by your bad turn while tripping since the symptoms you describe are quite similar to the ones of anxiety disorders too (dp/dr for example).

 

and dont overthink your condition wether you've always been a highly sensitive person or not...psychedelics are well known to sharpen all senses and even increasing users psychological sensitivity..so its normal to receive much more signals of reality after tripping than before..its a gift that stays with you

 

dont regret anything...the experience must be done...get well B)

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Tanks for your fast answer, actually I don't got much of anxiety and also had no DP DR after this weak one time on the next day. I got really homesick when I was for five days on an island without much to do and any other social contacts then my friend which I am not sure if I want to continue travel with... I haven't smoked weed for two weeks now but this flickering got worse, what strange is that when we are driving I got no flickering at all or when I looked into the flames of a fire yesterday. I can live with that but I also would like it to go away. I am a really psychic stable person and I am the depression of the homesickness went away after we left the island. The thing which concerns me the most is the fear of having to stop weed for the next time, not that I can't stop smoking it, I mean I proved it to myself this two weeks, but more that I am having so much fun with it and the social aspects of meeting so many people with it, and also in the time after the trip when I smoked my symptoms didn't got worse and it just felt the same high as before the trip. Planed a party week in Brisbane because at the moment I'm not having much fun in Australia with the persons I travel with. My fear is that if j start smoking weed again that I may have a good time but it will prevent the symptoms I got from ever going away.

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First off, that's awesome you're traveling in Australia. I was there this past winter and went all accross in the country. It was incredible.

 

Here's the thing about HPPD: Because you're never really full-on tripping it's easy to say you don't think the symptoms are that bad. I remember when I first got HPPD I thought I just had a problem with my eyes. I thought it wasn't that serious and that it would go away within a few weeks. But here I am nearly five months later and I still have HPPD. If you have the symptoms you mentioned then chances are you're going to have those for a while. They don't just go away one day when you wake up. It takes a long time for them to dissappear. Even though you may like smoking weed and though you think it may not make the symptoms worse, the fact is all drugs make HPPD worse in the long run. My advice would be to immediately stop smoking weed and try and get help, start excercising, etc. You might need to even cut your trip a little shot, get back home, and try and improve there. But, that's just what I'd do. Everyone's different. You'll have to decide what's best for you.

 

Good luck!

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dont leave your self hangin...sometimes are tough but what is life without trouble...if you have no light you cant see shadows right...what i want to say is you cant have one without the other and its all up to your perception and interpretation of reality..if you think the party is over for you..then it is!

 

you shouldnt be depressed..you know everything is gonna be alright...you dont need to stop drugs forever look at me i had hppd + dpd full blown for 8 month and now its over and im back smoking and taking other drugs again and you dont have it that bad so take a little break to be safe.....just dont put yourself under pressure give yourself time and look for some nice distraction..there's always something you can do instead of smoking weed

 

in the end its your decision...just take this as an advice

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Yeah, that's a rough way of looking at it. Buddist philosophy says life is suffering. Pain and sadness are a big part of life. Sometimes life really sucks. But you just have to remember it's not always gonna be this way. You had a lot of fun, now perhaps it's time to suffer. You just have to remember you'll have fun again in the future! And it's not as though you can't have fun now, but you do need to change the way you live. Drugs aren't going to help you. You need to start living clean and having fun the natural way. It's a small price to pay for good mental health the rest of your life.

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Yeah, I think I should continue my break of drugs. But I am here in Australia and I don't know what to do to have fun, at home I could meet with my friends let them smoke and be happy just by being with them. I am not sure if that what I got is really hppd but the last few days I am feeling really depressed because I can't get any distraction.. I am pretty optimistic that it will go away in some month's but also confused because this flickering startet close to a month away to my trip and I didn't smoked weed for more then a week. And I probably won't do weed anymore on my trip, but I don't know how long I can take the boring time here

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man you're in australia there must be something you can do..walk around to enjoy natures beauty or something, listen to music or surf on the internet if you dant want to move yourself...and when you're back you will have fun again just dont waste your time in australia its beautyful there..im actually a bit jealous on you..sitting here in germany.. :unsure:

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You are right, had a really bad day feeling depressed and empty but it got better and now I am happy and having a plan, I'll stay abstinent for the next time again, will get work and try to enjoy the time knowing that whatever I got is so weak that it will probably go away in some time. And if its not I can still stop the abstinence and live the life again because it probably won't get worse and then I could also life with the form I got. I won't tough any other drugs then alk and weed in my life again(Lsd and shrooms don't interest me anymore and mdma is not worth the risk of getting worse hppd) The thing was that the person's I was traveling with are used to have a lifestyle I can't fit with (doing only the sight seeing without really enjoying and caring about the people. Today is the first day in about 2 weeks I got a real bed and not only a broken tent, haven't slept good and long in the last two weeks.

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Man, I traveled all accross Australia this past December and January and only did drugs once and only because the guy I was riding with sold them and it was New Year's Eve. You don't need drugs to have fun! Life is beautiful. There's fun everywhere you look. Traveling is the best time of your life. You can go anywhere, do anything -- you're totally free! But yeah, you need to drop that old lifestyle. If that means leaving those friends then that's something you just have to do. But sleep is important with HPPD so you should try and get some good sleep where ever you are.

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Won't do psychedelics anymore in my life, mostly because they are not interesting for me anymore. Also today I got the feeling that visual symptoms are getting better, way less floaters close to none in the blue sky and much not noticeable visual snow (just in the first min after waking up) also the flickering got better and the vision doesn't seem to be that sharp anymore. Will not take drugs on my trip anymore, worked today and felt awesome.. k.b.fante, I think this wouldn't be the right thing for me, I mean totally quitting my old lifestyle when I come back. What you have to know that I close to stayed sober till my 19 birthday when I started smoking weed. Also I have never drunk to much so I vomited or couldn't remember anything. I had a quite good lifestyle, doing much sport wandering around enjoying nature and in the evening having crazy fun with my friends and also smoking weed, haven't tried anything other then weed alk and shrooms and won't take anything more then weed and mushrooms when I come back.. when I started smoking weed the whole thing with the friends and so on made me such a better person with such a good view on the world and people.

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Hey guys, floaters in the sky are much less and static is only strong in the morning when I focus on it, u will continue to my plan to stay sober, also no coffein (have to drop my loved coke zero ) till I am going home to Germany.. stick with alk and weed with my friends then, I hope my symptoms will continue to get less and I will start ignoring/not searching for them. Also I will stop looking all time on the internet about hppd as it can give me a bad feeling. I actually don't remember the feeling of the trip anymore and I am happy with it. If I am unlucky and my symptoms stay like this I can life with that also I think that if I stay sober for some time it won't get worse I drink and smoke, not abusing any substance of course. Went to movie world yesterday and roller coasters were really fun also a thing where we have been driving in the dark with many flashing lights and we had to shoot on some kind of starfish. Had no symptoms at all then. I will try some magnesium because I got sometimes a moving I lid and it has got worse in the last time. Maybe it will help with the visuals too, also I am doing some kind of brain jogging and will go to gym again. Just do something with helps my brain :) how do you think about this plan

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