Suicide sounds like a very good option right now

[TheGman6072]

So depersonalization seems to be at its peak right now. it seems worse than it's ever been before. I have no control over anything I say or do and it feels like it's not me doing it. Just watching myself helplessly from 3rd person all the time. This is a very weird and scary way to live and I am losing

[TheGman6072]

I am so fucking suicidal but I'm afraid ! When can I just follow though with it so it can all be over ?

[umit]

i had it to buth its over like for few months realy you can make this go over there atleast one way that i know start go running byckling or swimming every day just one hour you wil see soon the long term benefits you going exactly the same way like i did

why i didnt do that early be sure there is no pill for this condition you can do it you are strong because you know suicide is no option for your family

hppd is like depression you cant enjoy life you feel bad there always a bad feeling inside

[TheGman6072]

Yeah but I'm doing horrible things that I can't control for some reason and it's getting worse

[K.B.Fante]

Brandon,

 

I think a lot of people on this board (I'd say the vast majority) have contemplated suicide just as you are. I know I have, many times before, both before HPPD and certainly during the beginning months of contracting HPPD. So you are not alone in thinking this way. We all understand where you're coming from. We all know how empty and crazy and depressed you feel, and how unbearable every moment of every day can seem. But you have to find a way to get through the next few minutes, then the next hour, and the next day and the next week, and so on. That's how you will make it through. You have to take the smallest steps imaginable. And you have to work really really really really hard. But if you work hard, stay as positive as you can, find things worth living for that make you feel better even if just for a moment and if you can somehow find a way to endure the pain, you can make it out of this. But it's not gonna be easy. You really are in a fight for your life right now. But think of how awesome life could one day be if you make it through. Think of how much stronger and better of a person you'll be if you can one day look back at this as history. You have to always stay looking to the future.

 

A little advice:

 

I read these boards. I see what you're doing and going through. We all do. Exercising every day, eating right, meditating, seeing a therapist -- these are all proven ways to help deal with and even overcome HPPD. But the most important aspect of decreasing the severity of your symptoms is to stop using drugs. I know it's much easier said than done, but when you're in a fight for your life it's not about easy, it's about doing whatever you possibly can to get better, no matter how much work or how hard or how much time it takes or how much you have to change your usual life patterns. If you keep doing drugs your symptoms will not improve. If you keep doing drugs you will only get worse. This is just common logic. Drugs and HPPD do not mix well. Drugs are why you have HPPD in the first place. So if you truly want to get better, if you want to someday be normal again and life life happily, then you absolutely must stop doing drugs. When you do that, and when you combine it with all the other techniques mentioned above, you'll start to get better. And life will still be tough, but eventually, if you work every single day, I promise you'll get to a point in your life where you're happy again. But again, it won't be easy and you must stop doing drugs to get there.

 

I hope this helps man. Please, don't do it. You're WAY too young. Your brain is still so pliable and capable of transforming in incredible ways. And most importantly, you can't off yourself without having at least tried your very hardest to overcome this thing. If 10 years down the road after you've completely stopped doing drugs and you've worked every single day to get better and you STILL haven't made progress, then yes, I'd at least understand wanting to end your life. But you're not even close to that point. So please man, try your hardest, do whatever you can to help yourself get better. You have to help yourself. You have to truly want to get better and be ready to put in that work. We all have to. It's just part of getting HPPD. The great thing is, if you do, you can see results, and then you know you're getting better and you have even more motivation to keep going. But you have to start somewhere. Please man, start the proccess now. You can do it. Don't give up. Keep on pushing. It's worth it. Trust me.

[trip into hell]

man its not like i want you to kill yourself or give up in any way but i was recommending so much of help to you which really really did wonders for me and i was just like the most of the sufferers here havning both hppd and dpd disorder and believe me i had both conditions at the same time extremely severe and was willing to end my pain through suicide too...but i didnt..and you know what..its why the help i recommend works a 100% and i mean not only the things other people are telling you to do as meditating, yoga, eating well or sports ...no this is actually not what helped me to not only cover but also treat the severe conditions and their symptoms...the key that worked for me are the meds (no chemicals) i mean natural medicine...and just remember i am 26 and i beat hppd already and almost beat the dpd shit within not even 8 month..so its never too late..and i dont say meditating, yoga, eating well or sports are not helpful but they are not so much of a help then the naturals i took to treat myself without the pharmacies, psychologists or doctors (fuck them all) cause they dont care about you + they cant understand a condition they've never heard of.. only prescribing chemicals to you that only work like a patch for symptoms and bring back the full blown shit afterwards or even make it worse for days after usage.

 

and brandon i have recommended so many things to you..its such a pity that you obviously dont read or even ignore what i told you in earlier topics..i cant help someone who thinks im a stupid liar not believing me least bit..though he didnt even try it...sometimes i think people like you just want to be pitied and thats the reason why you're posting here so often...remember it wont help you to pity yourself..you have to do something about it and take a good advice as what it is.

 

sorry if you misunderstand me but its no offense at all..

[TheGman6072]

I don't ignore anything. I read a lot of it but I either forget or I simply can't understand long essays like that

[TheGman6072]

It's like 4:30 am right now and I can't sleep and the thoughts of suicide are constantly running through my head

[Jay1]

K.B Fante's post is perfect. Nothing more to add.

[trip into hell]

oh ok so im sry to bother you with a wall of text but you could have told me erlier that this is no help for you...after all its a big effort for me to write it...just wanted to help you out since i know what youre going through...but im not mad at you...i understand ...i wont get on your nerves anymore..its your life...peace

[TheGman6072]

It does help getting out an exercising but lots of it seems to only have temporary effects. I have been getting help from a friend but I think I screwed that up

[umit]

you need atleast 5 hours in a week to do and atleast 3 months in a row to geth a serius benefit from sport its simpel buth its not easy there is no easy way

[Jay1]

You also should push yourself to the very limit, when you exercise.... Spin classes are good. You will probably get a bit of extra dp/dr while doing it and an hour or so after, but the rest of the day, you will feel good.