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End of my good life...


mycall81
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I hate to be the guy that vents and moans about this, but I need to know there is hope.

I had mike HPPD 16 years ago and it went away...at least I thought it did. I haven't touched a true hallucinogen in 16 years.

I smoked pot 7 months ago and developed severe HPPD symptoms. Insane afterimages from any contrast that last for many seconds. They keep getting worse and worse and worse. I cannot handle it anymore. I feel like I will have to end this soon if it continues this trend of progression.

I am weening off lamictal because I started 2 months ago and things seemed to worsen while on it. I have no idea if it worsened directly as a result of the lamictal.

I thought this would be a short term, temporary flare. Alas, it has proven to be a permanent and progressive case. There is no hope for recovery with this trend.

How could my life be destroyed from smoking a little pot? It's despicable. All other members have said it only temporarily flares things. Everything was going so well. Maybe if I hadn't recovered from HPPD before, I wouldn't be so upset, but to be thrown back into hell from a little pot, that's too much for me to cope with. I haven't much resolve left. I'm too weak to handle it.

Sorry for the rant, but nobody else understands.

FML - it's a joke.

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It's not just the visuals.

I have a headache that has not stopped for 6 months.

I have mild derealization secondary to the insane afterimages.

I have such bad light sensitivity that I can't even see what illuminated signs at night say, especially blue ones.

On top of all this, I am a migraine sufferer so the light sensitivity triggers migraines essentially every night.

I have no clue what to do. I don't want to be on meds anymore. They don't help anyways.

This is SOOOOO much worse than the first time I had HPPD. Maybe the first round of HPPD never really went away? I don't know if it even is HPPD or visual snow syndrome because of the headaches/migraine connection.

Why would it be getting worse??!! Unless the lamictal worsened things, there's no reason after 6 months, this should be worsening.

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I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I feel for you.  Been a long time sufferer myself.

 

I want to suggest you look at everything that you're using right now.  Even things you might not think could affect you, like caffeine and cigarettes.  Even your diet could be playing a role in this (foods high in fat or salt are a problem for me).  You might have to buckle down and do some elimination to see if you can root out anything that could be making it worse.

 

Also try cut out masturbation or sex for a few days and see if that has any effect. The idea is to minimize the amount of stress your body is dealing with and see if you can begin to balance yourself.  This means you might have to be an angel for a while.

 

Wishing you good luck.

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Thanks granite. I haven't been rubbing out. I do have 1 coffee every morning as I feel it's impossible to function without it. I stopped drinking. I don't smoke cigarettes. I eat relatively healthy. I wonder if one of my supplements is worsening things. Lions Mane maybe?

I am a medical provider and feel that my ability to take care of patients is steadily dwindling. I am literally watching my career die. I worked so hard to get here and now, because I smoked a little pot, my life is over.

The headaches are a deep squeezing within the center of my head. I occasionally get a sharp pain in the right temple.

Dr. Abraham was thrown off by this. He doesn't believe it has to do with HPPD. He suggested migraines. He did think smoking pot again caused all of this to flare up.

There are so many people on the VS site that have said their visuals progressively worsened, and have an associated headache connection. This is what worries me.

I mean, I am certain my first suffering was HPPD. No doubt. This time is so different. It doesn't feel the same. Maybe my underlying HPPD made me susceptible to visual snow syndrome or migraine aura?? The briiiiight headlights shoot straight into my head and cause an immediate headache.

All I did was smoke some pot a few times. It's crazy. I have little time left. If it continues this way, I will end things.

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oh man its was not a good idea to smoke pot i did it to buth its was only lukcly temporily getting worse buth i advice to instead think about your condition go do sports go run so much you can that you are tired to even think about your problem i am doing it to now after time i am a lucky and healty human again

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I will NEVER EVER touch another drug.

Even if I drink a few beers now, I get more intense visuals for days.

I am not digging being on prescriptions either.

Any input on whether I should come off lamictal, Paxil?

Any reason this is getting worse? That's not normal, is it?

Umit...I exercise pretty frequently. It takes the mind off things, temporarily.

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Are you still taking Lion's Mane?  My understanding is this is a potent supplement that can effect Choline transmission.  I personally know that Choline is involved in my disorder, because I was lucky enough to develop Cholinergic Urticaria at the beginning of my problems.  That could most certainly be what is causing your visuals to progress; I even believe I bumped into a post recently about a person who was wondering if Lion's Mane was making their HPPD worse.  Maybe it was you?

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Yeah. I've been in lions mane for maybe 3 months now. I guess that is long enough to tell if it would be helping/harming right?

I'm weening off lamictal too. That may also be worsening things.

I don't know if I should keep taking lamictal or what. It seemed to be making afterimage was worse.

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If you convince yourself you're getting worse then you will. It's a state of mind. You start looking for the symptoms more the more you're convinced they're getting worse and then they do get worse. I doubt the lions mane is making it worse honestly, there's a small chance but most people on here say it makes them better. It is more likely to be your medication but I think it's more likely your state of mind.

When I was at my worst I was looking for visual snow all the time and that was my worst symptom, but then I started looking for after images and the visual snow seemed to improve but the after images got worse. It's all about what you pay attention to. I know fulwell. how hard it is to try and take your mind off it, I really do, but it's the best advice anyone could give you. Try get some therapy for your negative thoughts and live an interesting life by doing something you're engrossed in to try and take your mind off it. Remember it's not the visuals that are cause you harm, it's the reaction to the visuals.

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youwhat, ahhh... to be young and have a mild case of HPPD.  You must be living in the glory days with that advice. I hope you never experience what it's like to have what mycall81 or I live with.  Meditation is a pipe dream when you get to this stage.  Understand, we're talking about the disruption of neurotransmitters here.  Visual problems is just one small aspect of this, it wreaks havoc on your entire system when full blown.

 

Anyway, mycall81, I personally would just stop.  But, I know it's considered nootropic, so you might want to consult someone else.  

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So I'm trying to help the guy by being positive and you're just making the guy feel worse by basically saying it's the end of his good life. Solid post. I think if there was less scaremongering and more positivity on these forums then a lot of people would improve over time.

A lot of people on here just share how bad they are and how unhelpable they are, what sort of hope does that give to someone who is currently suffering but really does have a big chance of recovery? Im positive but I also like to think I'm being realistic. The anxious mind is capable of severe catastrophic thinking and a lot of people on this forum have that sort of thinking, which obviously makes anxiety worse for everyone. I don't mean to cause any offence at all, I completely understand how awful this is, but no one is ever going to get better with completely destructive ways of thinking.

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I completely appreciate both sides of the 'argument'. I am certain that worrying and focusing on the visuals and headaches is of no help. I do, however, feel like the visuals are most definitely getting worse, regardless of how much I focus on them. They're at a point where any little movement causes trails, looking at anything for more than a split second causes negative after images.

This was not the case in the beggining, prior to starting lamictal or lions mane - at least, not that I remember.

If it's just a matter of focusing, so be it. That will self resolve with time. I think it's more than that though.

I hear cases, however rare, of people having progressive hppd despite abstinence from drugs. Same goes for VS. I can't imagine that my worsening symptoms are just me focusing on it.

I do appreciate your help though. I don't take offense either way. We're all in this together.

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So I'm trying to help the guy by being positive and you're just making the guy feel worse by basically saying it's the end of his good life. Solid post. I think if there was less scaremongering and more positivity on these forums then a lot of people would improve over time.

A lot of people on here just share how bad they are and how unhelpable they are, what sort of hope does that give to someone who is currently suffering but really does have a big chance of recovery? Im positive but I also like to think I'm being realistic. The anxious mind is capable of severe catastrophic thinking and a lot of people on this forum have that sort of thinking, which obviously makes anxiety worse for everyone. I don't mean to cause any offence at all, I completely understand how awful this is, but no one is ever going to get better with completely destructive ways of thinking.

 

I know you're trying to help.  But, telling someone who has a VERY REAL problem that they just need to stop worrying and all will improve is nonsense.  Not only that, you're dangerously suggesting he continue taking a supplement that could very well be the reason his problem is getting worse, just because others have had success with it.  That's not good advice.  I've also read  of people suggesting Lion's Mane is making their HPPD worse...I'm sure you understand drugs react differently to everyone.

 

So, come off this "destructive thinking" nonsense.  I'm helping the guy actually root out the potential cause while you're suggesting he float on a cloud.

 

EDIT:  I want to add my thoughts on anxiety.  Everyone knows dwelling on something heightens the feelings or experience, that's granted, but anxiety as a cause of problems is WAY overblown in the mainstream medical community.  Anxiety itself is not the cause of anything.  It's a symptom of the problem.  People have this twisted because they think, Oh I have anxiety right now, so this is causing my other experiences to be worse.  No, anxiety causes you to FEEL these discomforts greater, but if you're experiencing anxiety in the first place, that's because your neurotransmitters are not doing there job and you're out of whack.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I hate to be the guy that vents and moans about this, but I need to know there is hope.

I had mike HPPD 16 years ago and it went away...at least I thought it did. I haven't touched a true hallucinogen in 16 years.

I smoked pot 7 months ago and developed severe HPPD symptoms. Insane afterimages from any contrast that last for many seconds. They keep getting worse and worse and worse. I cannot handle it anymore. I feel like I will have to end this soon if it continues this trend of progression.

I am weening off lamictal because I started 2 months ago and things seemed to worsen while on it. I have no idea if it worsened directly as a result of the lamictal.

I thought this would be a short term, temporary flare. Alas, it has proven to be a permanent and progressive case. There is no hope for recovery with this trend.

How could my life be destroyed from smoking a little pot? It's despicable. All other members have said it only temporarily flares things. Everything was going so well. Maybe if I hadn't recovered from HPPD before, I wouldn't be so upset, but to be thrown back into hell from a little pot, that's too much for me to cope with. I haven't much resolve left. I'm too weak to handle it.

Sorry for the rant, but nobody else understands.

FML - it's a joke.

 

The lamictal definitely could be worsening your symptoms. What is the specific reason that you were put on it? If its for your symptoms from HPPD your doctor literally has no idea what they are doing and shooting in the dark.

 

Its extremely rare but some people have developed HPPD related symptoms from smoking pot. But hardly any, it probably just brought back your previous HPPD somehow, or you were more susceptible because of it. 

 

And yah most people not only dont understand but for the most part they dont care either. Some dont even believe its a real condition, they say its all in your head LOL. But thats just foolish. Its a real condition.

 

You're only six months deep so it should get better but for the symptoms you are describing it definitely sounds like that weed did a number on your brain. Are you sure there wasnt anything else in the pipe, potentially as well if you used a pipe that has residue from other compounds will effect you, so thats a possibility as well. Also I would just drop the Lamictal, unless you have seizures/epilepsy.

 

Also if there are any other supplements or medications PM them to me and I can let you know if they are potentially worsening the symptoms.

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