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HPPD for 41 years..and survived


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Took quite a bit of acid when I was 15/16. Way back in 1969/1970. Got HPPD symptoms in early 70's when I was 16. Absolutely no one in those days could tell me what was wrong - no doctors - nothing. They told me I was making it all up. I saw psychiatrists..I saw herbalists..I saw therapists. The total damn shit of everybody, every human being that had some medical qualification, I saw. I thought I was going crazy, and drove my poor Mum to distraction. I truly understand the feeling that you cannot escape the insanity occuring in your own mind. I had some very bad experiences and this had a serious impact on my life as you all can imagine. That's what HPPD is. BUT I GOT THROUGH IT as ALL OF YOU CAN!!

I studied with HPPD - I got a good English degree - then I got a Masters. I got science qualifications - I have held down a job - I have survived - as you can too - it takes time.

Yes I still have trailers and yes I still have after images - after all these years I am still tripping away! But you get used to it. Truly. Belive me. After all this time I still question whether I have really seen things or not...to tell the truth I have reached the stage where this can be sort of fun....? I realise this is a bizarre consequence of my life - and I am dealing - as you will deal too. It becomes fun after a while...I know you won't see this now - but it will be OK!!!

I am not going to say that you shouldn't do drugs - no way - they are fun. I had some really great times on acid - and HPPD really is the luck of the draw.

Love to you all

Thanks for coming back and telling the story for all us newer folks.. Although, you were on the old boards too right? Think I remember reading your story there at one point a few years ago.

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yes I was on this site previously - and seemd to get locked out....don't know why!

I am really not sure if the trail/afterimages have become less intense over time. I honestly think I have just become accustomed to it Dpersonallisation certainly decreased, but studying certainly helped me with that - but I always enjoyed studying; and it helped to get my brain working and concentrating on other things. First time experience of HPPD is absolutely terrifying, and you become overwhelmed by the horror of the situation. I just woke up one day and had HPPD -I hadn't taken acid for weeks - and I was suddenly inside a 'mild' trip. For a couple of years after that I was convinced I had done something serioulsy wrong to my mind (and I suppose I had!) - but I got over it and started living. Just an example of the brain adapting to circumstance.

I hope I can be an inspiration to other members. They are going through a bad time - and it's awful to be fobbed off by doctors who are totally ignorant of the situation, and give wrong advice - or worse still tell you that you are lying!

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Hello Tigress, So happy to read your story. What a journey! Your the first person I've found who took their acid trips in 69-70. I was 15-16 and took way too much acid. Also continued on drinking and lots of drugs. I think I was too messed up to know if something was wrong. I started college, marriages, children, all those life things. I don't think I paid a lot of attention, because maybe I was ashamed. When lying in bed off and on I saw like hieroglyphics in pastel on the ceiling. It was so rare I never gave it much thought. My story got stranger when I had thyroid cancer and surgery when I was 56. It's a long story, but basically things went wrong and I was in icu with a paralyzed throat, struggled to breath for a long time. When I got out I was seeing patterns on walls and faces. And I really felt like I was on a bad trip. I kept asking one md after the other could this be from acid 40 yrs ago. Oh no, we are just so f-ing more powerful and smart than you. You are psychosomatic. After a year of this I did wind up in a psych unit. Thank God for the one Dr in the whole hospital (Vanderbilt Med Center) who knew about this and he'd only been there 2 wks being assigned to me. He diagnosed HPPD in 5 min. I'm just one of the rare cases that HPPD came upon after anesthesia and severe stress. Lucky me I'm doing ok take clonidine and neurontin and wellbutrin. Hope I hear more of your story

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  • 11 months later...

I really hardly think about it at all. I think it took me a few years, but it really helped me to find this site. I felt like I was the only one who had this. I kept trying to explain it to people, but that just made me feel crazier. Man, I really have learned to take care of myself and I hardly notice it. If I get stressed it gets a little worse, but just knowing this is basically a problem with neurotransmitters in my brain being off and not something fabricated by my mind helps a lot. In the beginning I thought I was a goner, but I really enjoy my life now. No regrets. Take care

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