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Honestly just want to get some thoughts out that have been plaguing me for a while now.

 

1. Why were/was we/I so unlucky? I tripped once and got HPPD. A good friend of mine recently went on a binge where he ate shrooms, took lsd twice and 25i once (from the same batch I took, I might add) in a single week and he claims to have no HPPD whatsoever. He did allow that for a while he'd have slight fractals while smoking but claims that it is all but gone. I hate that I was susceptible to this sort of thing but my friend who's irresponsible about his use still has run into no problems.

 

2. Has anyone ever been having a great time with friends, totally forgot about HPPD, then remembered and then had the moment ruined by said remembering? Happened to me today.

 

3. I feel selfish. My HPPD is really quite mild. If I lived in the woods without any written language or hard lines I probably would never notice it. I only really notice it when I look for it though there is the occasional intrusive visual that I can't avoid. I feel selfish because even this mild HPPD is really bugging me. I'm still socially/academically successful, my life is still enjoyable and rich but I always have this inkling feeling in the back of my head that I have really, really fucked something up. I can't imagine what many of you are going through because mine is mild and still causing distress. I haven't had a real anxiety attack for a while but I find it really hard to not think about my condition.

 

4. I think I'm getting better. I hope.

 

It has been two months and one day.

 

Sorry for venting, just needed to get this off my chest and while I'm pretty open about my condition to my friends I don't feel they'd understand, much less my mother (who I have told).

 

Thanks all.

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I imagine all of us have gone through this.

 

I think the best way to look at it is that your pre disposition to HPPD might, one day, turn out to be a massive positive... Imagine that you get better over the next few months. You will have had your warning and will hopefully heed it, grab your new found health and happiness and run with it. Your friend might spiral down.

 

Alot of my drug friends that seemed to be untouchable were far from it. Everyone got burnt in one way or another... Some became junkies, some ended up in prison, some developed other mental illnesses, 2 are dead now. Even after 20 years, I still look on HPPD as a partial blessing, those that became junkies suffered worse... and I was well on that path.

 

Good luck, Jay

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Good luck, Jay

 

Thank you for the kind words. While this post may seem a bit melancholy I am in fact doing quite well. "Life", with the exception of this HPPD nonsense, is looking up for me; spring quarter is here, before too long it will be summer. I'm just looking forward for my life to be one of leisure, at least for a while. I turn 19 in June and would love to be more or less beyond this by that date. If not visuals remission, acceptance and calm would suffice.

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Easy. You are a different person from your friend. I got HPPD the first time I took a psychedelic also. 25i.

It was so mild I was happy to have it. It was noticeable, but I just expected it. Didn't care. I was socially/academically

succesful that first year. And took a LOT of drugs and alcohol. Second year, fucked up. Third year (now), recovering.

More or less academically successful. Good enough that I will have a grant. But anyway, nothing of this matters lol.

 

Don't take drugs. Others are different. Others end in a psychiatric ward for months because of their first trip. Others have

schizophrenia even when they were sensible and successful persons until the disease came in their young adulthood.

And others accomplish a lot even when taking ridiculous amounts of drugs. I have seen that too. I was there. And I know people

who still are. I'm happy I broke soon, you're young, as I'm. You're 19. I'm turning 21. Others can consume psychedelics, you don't.

If I had accepted that, and didn't took the risks, I would have saved myself from a lot of pain, and I would be in a much better position

now in some respects. In others, maybe not. HPPD and disease give a lot of character. I'm a way better person now. I understand much

better how others feel. I'm healthier than ever. I'm way more adult than most of the people of my age. And most important of all, I have

developed my resilience and copping abilities a lot. I'm not scared anymore.

 

Basically, don't care about what you can't control. HPPD is problem. Learn from it. You can't control what is going to happen, you can only

control what you're going to do this present moment. And you can only do that to a certain degree. So seize the opportunity. If you don't 

fuck up with drugs anymore, this will be a bad memory in a few months most probably.

 

I didn't think much about what I have wrote here. Just random ideas that came to my mind. I went out to party yesterday, slept two hours, went

to a lecture, and now I'm going to eat something and go to sleep. xD. I didn't drink. I didn't took drugs. It was fun ? Not especially yesterday. lol

But other days are. So yeah, I'm going to heat some rice with chicken.

I feel as though I'm on the road to where you are more or less, still in the coping stage. Thanks for the words.

 

My friends who I've told about my condition joke that I've "gone syd barrett" on them, which isn't exactly accurate but still pretty humorous in a rather twisted way.

 

I have a tendency to downplay my condition though. A friend offers me a hit off of whatever weed is present and I'll decline, he/she will ask why, I say "I've got some slight vision problems from psychs, but they're not a problem", blunt skips me, conversation moves on. While I'm not really one to gush to people in my life I would like to be able to give them a more accurate representation of what I'm going through. They look at me and know I have this condition but they also see how seemingly normal I am and don't fully understand. I told a somewhat experienced tripper I know about my state and that I got it from nBOME and he just chuckled and said "yeah that'll happen". Shit like that bothers me. I'm completely confused by the people on Shroomery and Bluelight who claim that they enjoy their HPPD.

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thanks boozebome, idk if i got hppd from 25-i or shrooms. im too lazy to explain wat happened. 

 

i see people complaining about how depressed they are and how their life sucks and it pisses me off cuz im on this forum to find hope ..... so it IS possible to accept it fully? is that.. hard ?

 

its really all just about shifting focus to reality i guess and forgetting about it and NOT FUCKING UP BY TAKING MORE DRUGS.

 

i guess some stuff is better off left unsaid

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