noworries

Honestly I think that HPPD is pretty common, it's just that certain people with obsessive tendencies make a big deal of it and have major trouble. One of my roommates has done his share of psychedelics and he says that he has minor trailing that hasn't gone away, but he simply doesn't care enough to make a big deal of it. He still smokes weed pretty constantly. Another friend of mine who sold me the acid that messed me up has lasting visual disturbances that I think are actually pretty severe by our standards here, but whenever I've asked him about it, he just shrugs. Another friend of mine was downright hearing things and seeing things for awhile but she has gotten over it. I'm beginning to think that it really is a mindset thing, and that conscious awareness makes it work.

signed in just to say that I took it for a brief period without incident. Be careful though, it's damn near impossible to sleep on so it's not exactly the best drug to take at night (when most of my anxiety occured)

Hey there, I consider myself a success story at this point. My HPPD started almost exactly nine months ago after a particularly heavy night of partying, with an experience with a research chemical two weeks prior. It started off really mild, slight visual snow or buzzing; but it slowly either worsened or I just started noticing more over the course of three or four months. My symptoms were always somewhate mild but they were undoubtedly there. After-images, snow, ghosting, slight trails, minor fractals to name a few. At the start I thought that the beginning of the end of my life had come. Not that I ever planned on killing myself but I thought that I was going to be limited to a life of depression and anxiety. All that has changed. At this current moment I've more or less completely gotten over anxiety concerning my condition; I've taken on an "it is what it is" mentality. While I still have some mild symptoms, the only two that I ever notice are negative afterimages and light sensitivity/starbursting. Both of these are perfectly manageable. As far as partying goes I've resumed my old drinking habits because it seems to have no effect at all, despite pretty heavy drinking on occasion. I know this may be naive but it honestly has no noticeable effect, and while it may seem dangerous to say, it helps with social situations since I am in university. I still haven't tried, nor do I plan on trying any time soon, any other drugs (weed, psychs, stimulants); it simply isn't worth it. I have a beautiful girlfriend, I just got accepted into the college of my choice in my university, my social life is more active than it ever has been, life is good. I know that I'm somewhat lucky, but I think my situation can be learned from. I'm in no way cured or objectively recovered but I've mentally recovered and am living my life in full. Stay strong, thank you for all that you have done and taught me. Rob

I'm actually not on any medication whatsoever, I take valerian infrequently but that's more for the help it can give with sleeping. I think overall I'm just a little over six months deep into HPPD and with the exception of the first few weeks I've never felt the need for meds. In one of my old posts I talked about getting klonopin but that was more for external anxiety problems.I hope things work out for you, I read your posts awhile back and I feel for you. I can't imagine what it must be like to develop this at a young age then have it come back to bite later on. It's really my only fear concerning HPPD actually because I'm only 19 and have a lot of time for things to change.

Hello all, It has been two months since I last posted. My last post was the morning after my 19th birthday, and my plan was to stay off the site all summer. That didn't work out, and I've been checking in on the site somewhat regularly but I haven't been posting. I just want to let you know that it can get better, I recognize that for some this doesn't seem to be the case, but it does. In all honesty my visuals don't seem to have improved one bit. But I've come to realize that with, granted a mild case of, HPPD I can live my life as I used to but with some obvious exceptions. I still don't smoke weed and don't plan on starting any time soon (though I have a feeling I'd be fine if I did), I haven't touched any stimulants, psychedelics or any other type of intoxicant besides alcohol. I've found that alcohol doesn't have any effect on me, this may be naive. I still don't drink excessively or frequently, maybe once or twice a week, but I think that the mental benefits of being able to live my life similarly to how I used to are worth the trade off of whatever difference it makes in my condition. I still have the following symptoms: After-images- Negative afterimages, but they're only noticeable if there's a lot of contrast. These used to bother me the most but I've learned to ignore them. Even if I get into a frenzy of checking my symptoms for changes they don't bother me at all. Visual snow- This was never a problem for me to begin with, just a sign of the condition. I only notice it at night and it's only ever bothersome because I can't look at the stars like I used to. Light sensitivity/trailing- I put both of these in the same category because the only trails I get are off headlights and such which leads me to believe that they're actually burn-in afterimages instead of classic light trails. These can be distressing at night but I think (fingers crossed) it's getting better. Ghosting- This is the first of my symptoms that I think is genuinely going away. It's becoming less and less of a problem and I can tell a definite difference from when I first got HPPD. That's about it. Not all is perfect though. While my anxiety about HPPD is more or less completely gone, the anxiety that it brought about has morphed into other things. I believe that I have developed obsessional OCD, I get my mind on a though thought and can't let it go. For awhile it was schizophrenia, and while that one is gone it's an ever progressing condition. I think I might see somebody about it if it doesn't resolve itself in the coming month or so. And it has actually gotten pretty bad. But we're talking about HPPD, not my other issues. My HPPD is becoming less and less of a problem and I'm posting this just in the hope that others may derive something positive from it.

Hey guys, my birthday was last night, drank quite a bit, had a good time, no noticeable impact on my symptoms but I'm gonna lay off of it for a little bit. Here to say that I'm taking a break from this site for awhile. Im going to see if I can go all summer without it. You all have been so helpful and I'll be eternally grateful for the guidance and advice. Things will get better, they will for all of us. I'll check this thread every now and then over the next couple of days but otherwise I'm gone. See you soon. Thanks friends.

Played a pretty intense game of soccer (I live in the u.s. I'm sorry) last night lasting pretty late into the night and when we finished I felt fucking great

Ahh gotcha

To suggest that participating in "happy" things will make hppd worse is kind of ridiculous. I'm sitting outside with some friends right now and my usual trails/palinopsia are greatly diminished and I suspect it has to do with my happy mindset. I've never heard from anyone that natural release of serotonin and dopamine made anything worse.

Drinking seems to be a completely variable issue. It almost seems unnecessary to discuss unless major problems are encountered. I can drink more or less fine, though I haven't gotten absolutely shitfaced since I got hppd. The next day I may notice a bit more burn in afterimages but those go away by the next day. I've more or less accepted that I'll probably never be able to do any other drug again so I'll enjoy what I can do. HPPD, while completely objectively different, seems to be a bit like depression or psychosis. Every case is a unique one, with the exception of some general guidelines we're all gonna react differently to whatever we put ourselves through.

Thanks so much for the advice. Despite being completely honest to my doctor about my previous drug use he still suggested Xanax or Valium. I think it's because I've succesfully ceased all drug use besides occasional alcohol in moderation; he doesn't look at me as a "drug user". I'm the one who put a damper on the benzo route because I know several people who have gone through so reeeaaaallly rough times with Xanax (ie. addiction, alienation, crime, withdrawal). I don't want to take either of those unless I'm completely debilitated. I considered suggesting Klonopin but he didn't bring that up and he said that adjustments can be made if the betablocker doesn't cut it. The drug I was prescribed, Propranolol, actually seemed to help when I took it last night. It doesn't decrease my visuals though it does "slow me down" a bit and I'm able to be a bit more rational in my thought processes. So while Xanax would make me forget, Propranolol makes me rationalize. My anxiety comes in waves, I'll go a few days feeling good about my condition/future then I'll get really down about it and not be able to get it out of my head. The whole psychosis thing is beginning to blow over I think. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac (there are times I consider that I gave myself HPPD via placebo) and latch onto ailments pretty easily. For example I read a testimonial done by someone with schizophrenia where they said that they often hallucinate crows, and now I can't see a crow without doubting whether or not it's actually there, same with flies, same with peripheral disturbances. I'm doing a bit better today and I haven't even taken the anxiety med. I'll keep all of you posted. I want/am going to get through this and come out strong. Edit: WuWei, when you say you're in inpatient Mental health do you mean that you're a patient, or that you work at a hospital? I'm honestly curious and if you don't want to answer please feel free to ignore. I have close family in "the business" and though I didn't necessarily grow up around people with severe psychotic illnesses, I'm more aware and knowledgeable than the vast majority of people my age (I'm 19)

Saw my doc today and spoke with a family friend mental health professional yesterday. Neither of them expressed any concern that I was actually experiencing the onset of psychosis. My doctor prescribed a beta blocker to help with anxiety which I'm looking forward to trying.

I guess Klonopin is less of a priority than finding a non-ssri anti-depressant/anxiolytic. I just worry they'll try to put me on an antipsychotic or ssri. I know the downsides of ssris and as far as I can tell I'm not psychotic. Just horrible anxiety.

I've been having anxiety attacks for the last couple of days about the prospect of becoming schizophrenic. I'm not delusional nor am I hearing things but I've sort of convinced myself that I'm hallucinating bugs flying through the air (honestly they probably are actually there) and I can't seem to shake that obsession. I'm coming home from university to surround myself with family and close hometown friends/ looking to get a Klonopin script. I know the addiction downside to using Klonopin but I truly, honest to god think I could benefit from it simply by how bad my anxiety has been recently. Hppd-wise I've actually been faring pretty well, no real improvement but I have reached what seems to be a baseline and I'm no longer constantly aware of it. This obsessive compulsive fear of psychosis is new though, and I need help. Wish me luck friends.

I noticed vibrating textures for a few days before I experienced any major anxiety. Starting two weeks and one day after I took acid. Day 1: "Shit, I'm really drunk and high and the carpet is vibrating wtf, maybe this is that HPPD stuff I've heard about. Ahh whatever it I'm just fucked up right now" Day 2: "Damn the carpet is still doing that thing and I'm completely sober, this isn't good, maybe I'll lay off weed for a while" Day 3: "Sure I'll smoke this weed with you, wow I'm high and I feel fine, I guess I don't actually have HPPD" Day 4: "The room is vibrating and I feel like it's collapsing in on me, something isn't right" Day 5 and onward: "Symptoms come, go, change but nonetheless persist, I have to deal with it now" I haven't had any full blown anxiety episodes since that first week but I'm very conscious of my condition probably 3/4 of my waking hours.

I've been feeling pretty neutral recently. I've been dwelling less and less on my symptoms but they aren't going away (not that I expected them to). Some of my symptoms seem to flucuate by the day in severity, for example the ghosting I get off of circular diffused light sources seems to be variable in intensity by the day and I honestly can't tell if the general trend is getting better or worse. Afterimages are sometimes better than usual which is an improvement all together because they used to be consistently somewhat mild, now there are times when they are barely there at all. The inspiration for this post was something that happened literally 20 minutes ago. I was walking back to my dorm from my first class of the day and noticed that elements of my vision were flickering, this isn't new, it happens every now and then but usually goes away after a few minutes (which it did). However in the midst of this I noticed something new, a giant opaque orb of orange in the center of my vision, not unlike a burn-in afterimage. This freaked me out but I didn't have an anxiety attack or anything like that. It went away after a couple of minutes. It was by far the most intense symptom I've encountered and arguably my only "true" hallucination. Everything else seems to be a reaction to light or other stimulus, this was just an orange blob in my vision. This is getting frustrating. I've resumed drinking in moderation, no more than six beers once a week. I honestly don't think this is related to that because I haven't consumed any alcohol since last friday and neither the acute or post-alcohol effects seem to have any impact on my symptoms. I've been doing well, I'm just getting annoyed by how stagnant my visuals seem to be. They seem so mild that I almost want them (though not actually) to get worse so I can confidently speak of this disorder. I walk around most of the time barely noticing anything wrong, I just have enough HPPD to bother me. I think I'm cursed to be anxious about this sort of thing because I've always been a very cautious, level-headed person. I know other people who have HPPD though much worse and they don't seem to give a shit, they still smoke weed and do drugs and while I understand that they will likely fall lower than I am one of these days, I almost wish I could have their attitude about it. I'm looking forward to this summer, I'm counting on A LOT of recovery to occur. By for now.

Neither do you, however I think the norm is for parents to be supportive and since he clearly said that his parents ask him about his emotions I think we can infer that his are. and even so, I'm willing to bet more harm is done by keeping anxiety bottled up than is done by informing someone who may not be supportive(though unlikely)

Simply false, not telling one's parents about crippling anxiety over something leads to more anxiety, I know this. Just knowing that my mother knows what I'm going through has helped me immensely as I no longer need to hide it from her. Just because someone can't make any objective changes to your condition doesn't make them useless in your struggle. This kid is 14 years old, let him fall back on his parents.

My understanding of psychosis is that you have no grasp on reality while experiencing and episode. You seem to just have strong hppd+DP/DR+anxiety.

^I can dig it Also, shadowplay is your username a reference to the Joy Division song? One of my absolute favorite JD songs.

Had three beers last night. They were IPAs so it was more like six when you consider most of the canned beer we degenerate college students drink is low in alcohol content. Those three beers got me more pleasurably drunk than I expected. I noticed a bit more after-imaging off of things emmitting light (TVs, streetlights) but it wasn't distressing, I was drunk after all. Not sure if that has remained, in still sitting in bed and I didn't get much sleep last night. I never sleep very well drunk unless I have so much I pass out involuntarily, then I sleep like a baby hahaha

I have this and it seems to change in intensity buy the day. So far today it hasn't been a problem but tomorrow it very well at be. Interestingly I can always get it go awayby simply blinking one or two times but then it comes back a couple minutes later. It's a symptom but not really a problem for me. It also seems to be becoming a less frequent occurance.

Friend, I'm almost 19, so still quite young and in many ways still dependent on my parents (though I no longer live with them) and I can tell you that telling your parents is a no-brainer. Unless they're the type to throw you out of the house or disown you, they can and will do nothing but help. I told my mother about my condition and instead of her criticizing my choice to use drugs she began looking for ways to help me. At this point you understand the consequences of your actions so any sort of punishment would be useless and, believe it or not, most parents probably feel the same way as me. The fact that your parents ask you how you feel tells me that they care about you, please let them. As long as you don't use any more drugs it shouldn't get worse. There are some anecdotal reports of weed being fine to use but that isn't the norm so you shouldn't count on it. I smoked weed twice post-hppd and while I didn't notice any worsening at the time I can only wonder if some of my symptoms that came on later wouldn't have if I hadn't smoked that weed. Alcohol seems to be a bit more iffy in terms of it getting worse. Getting past anxiety is all a matter acceptance and moving forward. I still more or less constantly have a mental awareness of my condition even if I'm not actually noticing it in my vision. I'm basically constantly in a state of minor anxiety though it gets better every day and I do occasionally go for an hour or so without thinking about it. I cherish these hours and they're becoming more frequent. My point is that there isn't much short of drugs you can do about anxiety but it does get better with time. Hell, you're 14 and have been dealing with this for longer than I am and I'm basically 19, you've got time. You're 14 years old, I know you feel grown and mature, but you aren't. I'm 19 and I feel grown and mature but I'm positive that in five years I'll look back at my current age and laugh about how immature I was. You're growing, your brain is developing and, while I'm not a neurologist, I'd bet you have a better chance at recovery simply due to your young age than even I do.

I feel as though I'm on the road to where you are more or less, still in the coping stage. Thanks for the words. My friends who I've told about my condition joke that I've "gone syd barrett" on them, which isn't exactly accurate but still pretty humorous in a rather twisted way. I have a tendency to downplay my condition though. A friend offers me a hit off of whatever weed is present and I'll decline, he/she will ask why, I say "I've got some slight vision problems from psychs, but they're not a problem", blunt skips me, conversation moves on. While I'm not really one to gush to people in my life I would like to be able to give them a more accurate representation of what I'm going through. They look at me and know I have this condition but they also see how seemingly normal I am and don't fully understand. I told a somewhat experienced tripper I know about my state and that I got it from nBOME and he just chuckled and said "yeah that'll happen". Shit like that bothers me. I'm completely confused by the people on Shroomery and Bluelight who claim that they enjoy their HPPD.

A couple weeks ago I had a serious bout of insomnia (or whatever you wanna call it). I only managed to sleep 2 hours in two days. By the end of it I was stumbling around and delirious. I know a lot of people go longer without sleep than that but I'm not used to that sort of thing. I pretty regularly can lay awake in my bed until six or seven AM but I always manage to fall asleep eventually, this time my brain just would not shut down. All I noticed was an increase in ghosting. I was watching tv and unless I strained my facial muscles and focused really hard it was impossible for my vision not to go double. That was freaky.