HPPD Symptoms, please help....

[spiros]

Good evening everyone , am a young male 25 years old, and the past few months am suffering and have suicidal thoughts. Because my vision drives me crazy.

So first let me say how everything started.  At February i tripped for the second time of my life with mushrooms. I did take 1 gram at evening about 18:30 o clock  and had funny and good

time with my friends..after some time i came down of the trip and went out for beer. When i came back to home i decided to take shrooms again and increase the dose to 2 grams this time

because in the evening i dint felt anything different than the marijuana effects.(it was about 04:00 midnight and i was alone at home) .

Then all my life became a nightmare , a hell i cant even describe. I will not describe what happened in the trip, i will talk to what happened afterwards.

Since this night i was for about 1 month depressed had alot of panic and anxiety attacks( which i never had before in my life) ,i was crying like 7-8 times per day fo no reason actually,

had many suicidal thoughts and i was living with the fear that i am paranoid  i will develop schizophrenia . Finally i managed my anxiety during this time, and after 2 months i started 

notice some difference in my vision, what made me become once again depressed and anxious.

Then i went to psychologist couple of times, and she told me i had developed Depersonalization and Derealization , i suffered like my whole summer  like this ,until somehow i managed

to control it at a point. I dint use any kind of medication or pills .The talking with my psychologist actually helped me alot to understand myself ,and accept what i have done. Because i was looping

in my head with many thoughts like " i wish i would never done that " or "my life would be different if i never done that" and " now i have to live like that forever in endless mental suffering". which made me usually paranoid and feeling helpless .

By the end of August i had managed many negative thinks and emotions and i was going better,,maybe in some rare situations i could become depressed when i could notice something is not right with my vision

and that think would remember me all what i had suffered since February., Anyway i could still manage that,...Until the last weeks.

 

Here is now the important part for me and my questions , and i hope guys you still reading and bear with me.

So the last 3 months  i started notice some changes in my vision that is disturbing me alot and making stressfull ,anxious and make me feel panic.

I notice during the day when am outside no matter where i look i see like 15 floaters in my field of vision ,they are everywhere and move like net when i move my eyes, it also heppen when i look at bright colours like 

white or my screen ( i had to mention that in my whole life there was very reallly rare times i could notice it,and then was just ONE floater ,now there are liek 15.

The second think i notice is during the night when i am in dark place or outside  i can see something like raining , i researched about this and they call it static-visual snow, ,it feels like raining thats the best i can describe. The other think i notice is if i look at the sky when is day and bright i can see something gleamering golden tiny stars moving fast arround and at no direction at all , just movement.

And the last difference i notice is that, always at night when i am on my room on the bed and watching TV or some movie ,and the room is dark, sometimes i feel like i saw a flash, and this happen almost everynight,,i feel like the whole room flashed ,,when is totally dark...... 

But still i tried to dont pay attention to thems and dont think about it and try to live with it.

 

But since the last  4 weeks until now that these effects grow stronger everyday and more noticeable ,to the point that i cant ignore thems, and end up frustrated and deppresed. 

,even my floaters start disturbing me so much when i typing or reading... .. ((( I have to mentio

I went to ophthalmologist and he told me my vision is 20/20 and that my eyes are in great condition....

All these effects made me again anxious and paranoid ,they also made me have suicidal thoughts again, or thoughts of crisis and despair

, and tonight i had again panic attack which i dint had for the last 3-4 months.

 

I have to mention also that the last couple of weeks i smoke almost everyday about 3  marijuana joints  because it make me calm down and dont think negative and about this stuff,.

My days are like that . I whake up early in the morning going to job, when i finish i come back home relax some hours , then at evening am going to gym exercing, and at night am playing some online games or watch a movie until i sleep .

 

So my question is,, what do you think do i have HPPD  ?????????????????????
?  if yes what Should i do in your opinion ???  Will i be forever like this ? Or am going to die or end in an asylum.

 

I will appreciate any answer guys really, i beg you if you have any opinion , suggestion  or simmilar story please share it here.

 

P.S. i hope my post did not  bore you guys ,also  forgive me for my poor grammar.

 

 

 

[Jay1]

It sounds like you do have hppd, yes. I don't think your visual symptoms are necessarily getting worse though, I just think that you are looking more and more at your vision and noticing things that you would not normally look for. It is a loop. I know it is hard, but stop trying to evaluate your vision... I remember my early years with this condition, I would always be looking for changes... There is no point.

 

first up, floaters are nothing to do with hppd.. everyone gets them, you just notice them now, for the above reason. I had floaters when I was a child, they are nothing to worry about, but you can get lazer surgery if they really become a problem.

 

Secondly, stop smoking weed.... whatever benefits it gives you, it will not help your recovery (and yes, you can recover from this).

 

My advice... carry on with the psychiatry... Eat healthy, excercise, stop weed, if you smoke or drink, try to stop or limit that, stop caffeine. Maybe ask your doctor about trying one of the folllowing.. Keppra, Lamictal or sinemet. These are three meds that seem to help people here. You can also try clonazepam, but be very careful, as it is highly addictive. I limit my clonazepam use to 2-3 times per week... This seems to stop addiction/tolerance.