Jump to content

Scared of life


stormbel
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone!

 

My hppd started in August last year.

 

I dropped out of school in February because of it. It took over my life. Since then, I have been battling with myself to stay sane. I have been suicidal, and I just lie in bed all day with no motivation.

 

I've given up everything. I feel so bad and I feel like everyone is better than me because they are in school. I've seen over 16 doctors because of hppd. I was even laughed at by one. 

 

I was interrogated many times, and asked SO many times WHY I did it. I had to fill in countless questionnaires with weird questions…. They were alto taking about giving me Zyprexa for psychosis

 

They said that they're the doctors, so of course they know best! I should just shut the f*** up.

 

In April, I agreed to go to the psychiatric ward. There was a chance of getting meds. 

 

They compared me to patients with psychosis, and at the end of my awful experience, they labeled me as histrionic.

 

I've been treated like crap by all these doctors and I'm so angry about it. I wanted to complain about my false diagnosis but the doctor said that he is ill so he can't see me….

 

Now I'm back at home, thinking about my sad life. My symptoms are still bad and I don't know how to continue my life and go back into society. I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I have been sitting in my bedroom for such a long time. I'm scared that I'll never have a life, friends, a high school degree etc.

 

I have no motivation. I'm so jealous of everyone my age.

 

I had NO idea that my life would ever come to this. At 15, I had never dreamt of doing drugs. I got caught up in this and I got out, but now I'm left with hppd and it's ruining my life. 

 

 

Help! :(

 

 

  • Upvote 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My advice is to start taking little steps back into society, whatever you can handle... But push yourself a little more each day.

 

If you struggle with making eye contact, start forcing yourself to do it more each day... Same with conversations, studying, being in crowds etc etc... Whatever you feel your illness is blocking you to do. Don't feel bad if you have some days where you just lock the world out, but also try to get the mindset that this thing can be improved, but you will need to fight it like you fight any other illness.

 

Forcing myself back into life was really the breakthrough for me.... I'm not cured, by any stretch of the imagination... But I can do a hell of a lot of the things I thought had be taken away from me, when I first got this.

 

Keep fighting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi everyone!

 

 

I had NO idea that my life would ever come to this. At 15, I had never dreamt of doing drugs. I got caught up in this and I got out, but now I'm left with hppd and it's ruining my life. 

 

 

Help! :(

I can totally relate to u when I became consciously aware of hppd I was ur age.. The difference is I'm in my forties now and no doctor I went to had ever heard of this rare phenomenon including myself.. When I was in high school I never said a word I completely felt alienated and psychologically impaled on the mind alteration from normal reality.. I knew everyone around me had normal vision, didn't feel dp/dr. I use to fantasize about being normal, when my gramps died I prayed for him to cure me from my illness and to look through my eyes to see for himself what I saw and felt.. It never happened, I layed in my bed for weeks too.. The shit was swallowing me whole head first.. U have to believe in urself.. Once u do that u will naturally come up with the remedies to cope, adjust, fit in and transition into beautification. Metaphorically speaking, it's like going through complete metamorphosis like a monarch butterfly (all for stages) When u accomplish this u will be ready to fly!! Remember this when u feel alone and beaten by ur own hands from ur decision making, ur not alone, ur not the only one, and u will succeed as well as prevail.. I'm living proof of ur kind.. Misshppd24longyearsandstillsucceeding.

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hey!

I can totally relate to u...that fuking disgusts me about the doctors u went to see!! This is why I don't wana see a doctor myself! I don't wana have to go thru all that fkn shit no thank u!!

I avoid ppl and lay around all day too...I can't fuking connect to jack shit. I have noticed small improvements tho from being in Brazil. I will have to return again tho multiple times I think but I'm hoping that he can cure me coz he said I could, I just gotta be patient!

Did u try lamictal or keppra from the goldpharma site?? Fuk the docs!

If u want to talk feel free to msg me xxx

  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.