Weird stuff

[Syntheso]

I have found that when I am fatigued or after using caffeine or alcohol (particularly with these things combined) and try to sleep, I can find it difficult to nod off because I get these weird sensations of people, presences, coming into my head sort of like they're talking to me and have different and distinct personas. They come and go in these events - buggy shit.
It's like there are pseudo-presences in my mind when this occurs. It reminds me of being on Ketamine. This doesn't happen to me often, only really when the factors noted above are overdone.
I don't actually hear voices, but it get sensations as if I am, and sometimes even visual sensations (CEV-ish) which may or may not be related to the auditory phenomena.

Does anyone else get this?

[onedayillsailagain]

Sounds like what happens to me when I use THC/weed. All I can do in such a situation is crawl in bed and wait for it to pass. Batshit stuff.
Are you speaking of foreign/intrusive thoughts, or perhaps pseudo-paranoia?

I just had half a cup of coffee and I'm significantly feeling more on edge. Figured it would be fine and all because I had a buttload of Damiana today, but I was wrong.
I suggest you avoid coffee at all costs.. Time after time I'll think: "Well maybe this time it won't be that bad" and then I end up feeling like shit all day.

Maybe I misunderstood.. could you elaborate? What do you mean by that they can be accompanied by visual sensations?

[disguyhere]

i get this often when trying to sleep.. aside from "shadow people" type shite where the shadows start seeming to peel off the walls, I get the feeling of being in like an operating room, surrounded by a gallery of individual entities with no form, all staring at me and discussing me, or in some cases seemingly screaming at me to get my attention, but with me unable to fully heart or comprehend them.

 

not sure how much this has to do with hppd vs the nature of reality.. people who suffer sleep paralysis often feel the whole operating room thing, which has been tied to the increased frequency of alien abduction experiences. .. is it something really going on outside of the spectrum of stimuli we can interpret or is it all in our heads.. hard to say since if it is outside our spectrum theres no way to prove it's really there.

 

in my experience though.. i feel like there is something there.. there is something that "wants" our attention on it because in the world of physics attention is a requisite for particles to become physical and existent. To me it makes sense that something which is composed of energy on a different wavelength to us, would possibly require the attention of something outside it's own wavelength to allow it to "exist" ..

 

function craves form and form seeks to return to function.. that is the nature of the universe. the higgs becomes particles only when observed, particles exist in specific places only when observed, if there is a natural universal constant that exists that gives all things in nature the will or desire to be observed, then to me it makes sense that things that exist as energy (of which the vast majority of the universe exists outside of a spectrum we can percieve and in some vast form of energy we cant comprehend).. would seek out that attention as well.. not to humanize a particle or some shit like that, but the concept is the same and is proving more and more true in modern physics. The quantum world seeks attention to validate it's existence. Who are we to say that this idea stops on the quantum level. 

[Kellen]

Bed time is the best time for me but that's because of the immovane.

Most the time I feel like I'm on acid. And lately I've been getting this sensation like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff or a tall building. I can feel it from my toes and It works its way up. The feeling I'm going to fall

Or something. It horrendous.

Went to see kick ass 2 with my old man and I almost had to walk out. Huge movie screens and fast images really really fuck with my head. I've already ruled out 3d IMAX but might just rule out movies all together.

I would gladly trade places with a leper at this point

[Syntheso]

Sounds like what happens to me when I use THC/weed. All I can do in such a situation is crawl in bed and wait for it to pass. Batshit stuff.

Are you speaking of foreign/intrusive thoughts, or perhaps pseudo-paranoia?

I just had half a cup of coffee and I'm significantly feeling more on edge. Figured it would be fine and all because I had a buttload of Damiana today, but I was wrong.

I suggest you avoid coffee at all costs.. Time after time I'll think: "Well maybe this time it won't be that bad" and then I end up feeling like shit all day.

Maybe I misunderstood.. could you elaborate? What do you mean by that they can be accompanied by visual sensations?

Sorry man I was in a rush when I wrote this, it's probably a bit of a scatty explanation, yeah.

I wouldn't say they are 'thoughts' they are more like abstract sensations. Ketamine for me is the closest thing I can think of analogously. Such strange, weird sensations - ineffable, like with tripping.. there's some phenomena you just cannot put into words because it's so bloody abstract. I'm not sure about pseudo-paranoia.. I don't feel any sort of paranoia going on, and have pretty much no anxiety in my case.

I think you're right re coffee, but I just love the stuff so damn much. It doesn't make me feel too much 'on-the-edge' but definitely something that is not good for us (being HPPD'ers). Well actually, yeah a cup of coffee can definitely evoke a bad day for me..

I mean see this report of mine from back when... (visuals aren't that bad now)

So these 'sensations' of pseudo-people-presences (?), they sometimes and usually are accompanied by sensations that they are speaking to me (I don't hear particular words, it's just weird and ineffable).

Sometimes also, I have CEV's of faces which acutely 'come and go' (become apparent then instantly not apparent), and these are related to the pseudo-auditory hallucinations I experience. As in, I might get a weird sensation of the presence of a man of a certain look (CEV-ish) accompanied by some sort of sound that is related to his individual 'presence'. I'm not sure if that makes sense... Let me know if I can be more clear.

 

i get this often when trying to sleep.. aside from "shadow people" type shite where the shadows start seeming to peel off the walls, I get the feeling of being in like an operating room, surrounded by a gallery of individual entities with no form, all staring at me and discussing me, or in some cases seemingly screaming at me to get my attention, but with me unable to fully heart or comprehend them.

 

not sure how much this has to do with hppd vs the nature of reality.. people who suffer sleep paralysis often feel the whole operating room thing, which has been tied to the increased frequency of alien abduction experiences. .. is it something really going on outside of the spectrum of stimuli we can interpret or is it all in our heads.. hard to say since if it is outside our spectrum theres no way to prove it's really there.

 

in my experience though.. i feel like there is something there.. there is something that "wants" our attention on it because in the world of physics attention is a requisite for particles to become physical and existent. To me it makes sense that something which is composed of energy on a different wavelength to us, would possibly require the attention of something outside it's own wavelength to allow it to "exist" ..

 

function craves form and form seeks to return to function.. that is the nature of the universe. the higgs becomes particles only when observed, particles exist in specific places only when observed, if there is a natural universal constant that exists that gives all things in nature the will or desire to be observed, then to me it makes sense that things that exist as energy (of which the vast majority of the universe exists outside of a spectrum we can percieve and in some vast form of energy we cant comprehend).. would seek out that attention as well.. not to humanize a particle or some shit like that, but the concept is the same and is proving more and more true in modern physics. The quantum world seeks attention to validate it's existence. Who are we to say that this idea stops on the quantum level. 

Somewhat with you on your description. 

 

Not to be OTT, but to me, it does potentially seem the phenomena we are discussing is micro-schizophrenic or pseudo-schizophrenic, in a way, and as we know HPPD and schizophrenia have been suggested as similar in pathogenesis.

 

This writing I will be doing in the next few days-week will hopefully explain, or at least set forth an idea, why such phenomena occurs potentially under the HPPD umbrella. When you say, 'I feel like something is there...', I'm not quite sure at what level you mean. Are you talking purely physically or are you talking spiritual/mystical realms (or physical-spiritual, whatever that is, hah)? Maybe I didn't understand correctly but, just to be clear...

 

I really like what you wrote in the last paragraph. I would be interested as to what reading you have done to express things like that. Is there a particular book(s) ?

[Syntheso]

Bed time is the best time for me but that's because of the immovane.

Most the time I feel like I'm on acid. And lately I've been getting this sensation like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff or a tall building. I can feel it from my toes and It works its way up. The feeling I'm going to fall

Or something. It horrendous.

Went to see kick ass 2 with my old man and I almost had to walk out. Huge movie screens and fast images really really fuck with my head. I've already ruled out 3d IMAX but might just rule out movies all together.

I would gladly trade places with a leper at this point

I don't have as bad a case as you by the sound of things.. but I was funnily enough literally thinking today that if given the choice between HPPD and losing a leg, definitely I would take the latter.

Take care mate.

[etardnow]

I've had instances where if i lie down for bed and my brain doesnt want to shut down or is trying to sleep, i will hear voices/sound that i heard earlier in that day. But they sound as if they are right beside me. 

 

I've also noticed that when i close my eyes and move arms around, i feel like i can see my arms as CEV.

I dont think its like 'depersonalization' but i just see my arms movement through my closed eyes. Kind of amazing. 

I can do it in pitch black rooms so its not just the shadow casted by lights. 

[Kellen]

I've had instances where if i lie down for bed and my brain doesnt want to shut down or is trying to sleep, i will hear voices/sound that i heard earlier in that day. But they sound as if they are right beside me. 

 

I've also noticed that when i close my eyes and move arms around, i feel like i can see my arms as CEV.

I dont think its like 'depersonalization' but i just see my arms movement through my closed eyes. Kind of amazing. 

I can do it in pitch black rooms so its not just the shadow casted by lights. 

I have both of these symptoms. The voices thing tho can also be images which have real emotion attached to them. Like there is a projector showing me random things. This happens while I am awake too through out the day And I get "ear worms" where songs or parts of songs, or voices just repeat in my head. They come out of nowhere. It's all very vivid.

This can't be cured with cbt it seems too embedded in my brain. I can't shut it off. Mixed with the hppd and dp/dr I'm seriously living in a nightmare right now. I was always scared mylife would end up like this but I'm pretty mentally ill now. My gf left me and I can't even cry. I start for like a second but then I just feel numb. And my mind wanders off. I have zero concentration and I have no idea how to live. How do people get up everyday and find a purpose? And laugh and be happy. Fucking crackheads aren't as messed up as me. I'm so detached I just want to scream but I don't have the energy anymore. My life is utter garbage. I can't get caught up in the why me bullshit. I just can't do this for much longer.

[disguyhere]

the funny thing synth is while theres not 1 particular book or study i'd assign the formation of my "beliefs" to.. there are literally thousands that have contributed. from fiction to recent works on quantum physics.. i bring up the john dies at the end books as an example of the fiction.. and (trying to remember the guys name) some recent published works on lei 8 theory and what things like that and holographic theory, and the discovery of the higgs mean for our physical world. 

 

but the biggest contributor to my thoughts was the 2nd or 3rd time i took ambien.... and i took too long to fall asleep and ended up opening my eyes in the middle of the upswing .... my room was filled with thousands upon thousands of geometric bubbles sandwiched against each other like cubes, but warped in a way thats really hard to explain.. and inside the bubbles was floating a cloud of black energy.. and the cloud seemingly reacted to my will. wherever i would place my attention the cloud would migrate, and wherever the cloud migrated the size of the bubble underneath would grow or shrink in relation. it only took me a few minutes of staring in wonder at this to realize that mentally i was projecting my understanding of a higgs field and quantum theory into this hallucination that the ambien was causing me. 

 

but then it got weirder (yes yes i know.. how could one possibly say that after that last paragraph). 

 

over the next few weeks I started to be able to see hints of this field without taking ambien.. primarily the black mass and not the bubbles, but they were still there as well.. and the black mass was more and more reacting to my attention, and seemingly demonstrating a will of it's own. now i know full well this was a hallucination, but once again i point out that we as a species have no idea what a hallucination really is yet. We dont know whether its all internal or a reaction to external stimuli that we normally do not perceive. so it leaves you with 2 options. explore or seek to undo. In this case I explored, and I began to put more attention towards the black mass, and it in turn responded to me. And whether the thought came from in my head or from outside, after a few more experiences with the black mass I was left with the very simple thought. Form requires function. Function seeks form. 

 

Imagine if you will an existence inside of what seems like a void. You have no senses as there is nothing to sense. Everything is equally spread out, distributed, and interacts with nothing else around, so theres no reason to believe there is anything there. And then one day theres something different. A tug, a change in light, something different then the nothing you experienced until that point.. What would happen to you and your existence? You would seek that something different. It would be as automatic as particles attracting and repelling. 

 

The current "understanding" of the higgs field is that there are two components. The field itself, comprised of bosons that never interact with each other and the energy that dictates the eventual spin direction proscribed to the boson which in turn creates a resulting particle. The energy does not interact with the boson. Nothing does. It is the direction and amount of energy within the component higgs "bubble" that dictates the resulting particle the higss forms. But what drives that energy to flow in the directions it does and to bind itself so tightly around a boson that it without direct interaction can influence the boson to change it's nature... attention. Attention makes the quantum world go round. I know that humanizing the behavior of a particle may sound silly but, again, think of it from the standpoint of that energy. Strip away all the humanistic qualities I mentioned and simply think of it in terms of nothing versus something. If all there is is an even field of nothing, and suddenly there was something else there, nature dictates there will be an attraction to that something. 

 

The higgs boson is form at it's barest root. With no interaction possible with anything else, but yet a clearly defined capability to achieve function. Form requires function... And the energy that drives the higgs to change only exists as function. Ever flowing ever moving, originally equally spread amongst the medium that binds this and any level of the universe above us. Not being able to interact with anything but itself but clearly compelled to seek a different anything... Function seeks Form.

 

and I've rambled now way too much about a concept that would make most people roll their eyes

[ticolagemann]

I had this and it bugged me for a long time. I had pretty intense CEVs and trippy feelings and weird thoughts before sleeping as if I was on a high dose of LSD....what helped with me is mainly tacking anxiety through trying to calm down by breathing and saying to me that its all right. Positive thoughts, acceptance and no-fear is the key here 

[andrewcb]

Are you saying you see what could possibly be ghost or entities and when you close your eyes you see people look down on you or some alien like beings? *Please oh please don't tell me I'm the only one* When I am really tired or just zone out I get like this in dark rooms. I see a *cough *cough dragon all the time too when I close my eyes, isn't very detailed but I can make it out using the rest of my imagination. I believe the silhouettes of people and objects I see come from my when I first seen them which was when I was on various stimulants and downers for several days and me and my buddy seen the same exact shit, a shit ton of meth monsters outside chasing us, throwing bodies over walls crazy shit, ever since then I seen stuff once in awhile. This happened after I got HPPD and I am sure it is just one of those things when you experience it, it doesn't go away.

[The Former Fiend]

They are called HIPNOGOGIC HALLUCINATIONS (Hypnagogia).

 

Look it up and understand it is nothing to worry about!

 

I get them and used to get them less often before long before HPPD.