Hi I'm kellen

[Kellen]

Well. Where to start....

When it was 16 I had a magic mushroom trip that landed me in the hospital.

It warped my young mind. Now I'm 28 and hppd is an all to real hell that I have been dealing with ever since that fateful night.

It wasn't until an hour ago that I even heard of hppd. Or snowy vision,. Of all the times I've been to the emergency room and doctors offices NOT ONE OF THEM knew what's was talking about. I thought I was mental. Well I guess I kinda am. You are all now my brothers and sisters. It is such a relief to know I'm not suffering alone. So many years of not knowing answers. Just had to type the right things into google. I'm somewhat at ease. It's 5 am. Going to attempt to sleep again.

Seriously I can't believe this is a real medical condition and not my personal hell. It's our hell. Lets make the best of it.

I will be contributing to the board often and look forward to chatting with you all

Kellen

[onedayillsailagain]

Hey Kellen,

welcome! Yes there are a few cases where people didn't know what they had for over a decade.. I believe some of us here can relate to that.
Sorry to hear you've had to go so long without knowing what you had! Personally I can't imagine what that would be like.. I guess the internet wasn't really around at that time, which would've made it very hard to find out. It took me some creative googling as well before I could find out what HPPD was. Important thing is that you did though

I look forward to helping you out in any way I can, as I'm sure we all do here!

Cheers,

Odisa

[Kellen]

Thanks Odisa

I still can't believe this is a medical condition and I'm not the only one. Everyone I've described my symptoms to never knew what I was talking about. Not one dr I saw has even heard of this. And I've been like this for over a decade. if there is no cure or treatment I'm just glad to have found people who know what I'm going through.

Please stay in touch

Kellen

[Sam93]

Well. Where to start....

When it was 16 I had a magic mushroom trip that landed me in the hospital.

It warped my young mind. Now I'm 28 and hppd is an all to real hell that I have been dealing with ever since that fateful night.

It wasn't until an hour ago that I even heard of hppd. Or snowy vision,. Of all the times I've been to the emergency room and doctors offices NOT ONE OF THEM knew what's was talking about. I thought I was mental. Well I guess I kinda am. You are all now my brothers and sisters. It is such a relief to know I'm not suffering alone. So many years of not knowing answers. Just had to type the right things into google. I'm somewhat at ease. It's 5 am. Going to attempt to sleep again.

Seriously I can't believe this is a real medical condition and not my personal hell. It's our hell. Lets make the best of it.

I will be contributing to the board often and look forward to chatting with you all

Kellen

 

Hey Kellen, welcome to the forums!

 

Can I ask if you suffer from DP/DR (Depersonalization/Derealization) as well as your visual symptoms? 

 

-Sam

[StateOfRegret]

Hi Kellen. 

I'm so glad to hear that you finally found some answers, if not relief. I would be very interested in a more detailed description of your symptoms :-)

[Kellen]

Thanks guys

My symptoms are

Visual snow, light trails, auras, after images, clouds, things seem like their moving in pixelated patterns if I keep my eyes open too long

Head pressure, derealization, depersonalization, pressure on eyes, depression, tinnitus that can get really loud, racing thoughts I'm not in control of, Panic, sometimes it feels like someone punches me in the gut and my tinnitus and visual snow increase severely, insomnia ,I can not sleep without immovane, insane dreams that are hard to shake, body aches, digestive problems, bad memory, heavy brain fog, dizziness, my legs feel like jelly when I walk sometimes. Violent and demented thoughts. And other fun things...

Just got diagnosed with hppd yesterday. Although my doc will be on vacation for a month so he wrote me a script or Prozac. Hope it helps

[StateOfRegret]

I sure hope so too. That does not sound the least bit pleasant.

It sounds like your symptoms vary quite a bit (as opposed to being constant). Does this correlate with external stress factors? For me it does, to some degree at least.

[Kellen]

Stress definitely plays a role. I don't know how to deal with stress and I suppress it. Which obviously isn't good.

Yesterday I was okay. I biked around. Hung out with friends and wasn't that bad at all. At night I started feeling wonky. Which is what usually happens. But then I take my immovaine and it evens me out and I can sleep.

So ya it varies from day to day. Hour to hour.

[StateOfRegret]

For me, it's usually the other way round, actually - I feel worse in the morning, and better in the evening, when I know that nothing "surprising" is gonna come up, since the day is almost at an end. 

 

I also mostly try to suppress stress, and sometime don't acknowledge to myself that I feel stress (about impending exams, presentations or appointments for instance). I don't know how to deal with stress either, really.