Sam93

I tried Topiramate a few years back and it did nothing except make me feel like my IQ had been lowered by 50 points, even at the lowest dose. It is worth a try though.

Hello Visual, I don't use Sinemet any more, while I definitely responded to it, people were noticing my behaviour was a little more erratic than normal and I felt a little too hyperactive. I am unsure if this is a common side effect. If it had been without behavioural changes, I would still be taking it. Perhaps I will do a re-trial in combination with my current medication. Nor Gabapentin! It worked great for a few months and then pooped out on me, I was reluctant to up the dose as I had heard withdrawals were horrific and so decided to discontinue treatment. The only medication I now take is Sodium Valproate which I have been taking for a couple of years now and has greatly reduced visuals and DP. This is curious however, as Valproate lowers dopamine in some brain regions and in some cases leads to reversible parkinsonism. I am not on a high dose so perhaps this effect isn't pronounced but it is strange that I generally respond to dopamine and yet valproate has had a pronounced effect. The only downside to the Valproate has been the development of a slight tremor resembling essential tremor or action tremor, similar to the tremor one would get after too much exercise. It is unresponsive to alcohol and not fully responsive to Propranolol, and does not occur at rest. I have had a look at your post regarding thiamine cocarboxylase and have heard good things about it from others, I cannot seem to find it in the UK though. I am weary of purchasing from eBay as it seems likely I would be sent regular thiamine. All is well thank you, still tripping away somewhat but enjoying life as much as possible. Hope you're well also

A big hello to you all, It's been a good while since I posted (Not sure who will remember me though!) I thought I'd come back and check how everybody was doing. It has been 5 years with HPPD this past April for myself and I am doing rather well. I now take Sodium Valproate, 400mg BID which has reduced severity greatly, I am living quite normally and have made peace with the symptoms long ago. I was wondering if anyone knows what happened to 'onedayillsailagain'? I used to talk to him regularly and enjoyed his posts but I see he has been inactive for many months, I hope he is ok.

Hey guys, Some of you might remember me from a while ago but I was a very active member a while back, I haven't posted in a while because well, I consider myself cured. It all began after a single dose of 25B-NBOMe, and threw me into an extremely dark place. I suffered a pretty much constant panic attack for a month after I aquired the disorder. I was depressed and simply waiting for the day to end, now when it gets to that point you start to not want to get up in the morning in the first place. I didn't want to live in that state. The dissociation was the worst, I didn't think it was possible to experience such a detached view of reality to the point where it might as well have all been a bad dream. Well, over the course of 2 years the symptoms waxed and waned but eventually started subsiding. I am still left with all my visuals but the dissociation is gone 80% and I'm sure I can make up the other 20. I tried over 10 medications, none really helping. I contacted specialists but couldn't afford them, my doctors were also very poor and refused to refer me anywhere worthwhile. In the end I just had to do it all myself. I forced myself out the house when I really would've preferred to curl up in a ball. I started socialising again, really socialising. I got back into my hobbies that I'd completely lost interested in, I worked on my anxiety through reading, meditation and praying everything will get better. You have to maintain that positive mindset no matter what, if you don't have that then you have nothing. I still have most of my visual symptoms as I said but I consider myself cured. Thank god the dissociation did go away for whatever reason, I feel alive again, I wake up and I don't feel like I'm in a foggy dream, I have emotions, I can be happy, sad, laugh and cry and really feel it like I'm supposed to. If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing, life is so much better once you've experienced how dark it can get and come out the other side. Some tips that helped me: ABSTAIN: Stay sober, a few beers now and again never hurt my recover but stay sober! Vitamins and diet: Eat well and eat good foods. Lifestyle: This was the big one for me, change your lifestyle completely in any possible way, change it for the better. Part of my recovery involved a lot of therapy where I let go of things from my past. Socialise, read, be passionate about your hobbies, learn a language, travel, find a relationship, get a job, change your job. You can do it on your own, or at least improve it as much as you can. I went from being so dissociated and suicidal I was sure I'd gone insane, to going back to my old self. Sure, I still have anxiety and visuals but I deal with it and to be honest, I never even think about it any more. Hope all of you are doing well, I can't imagine anything that puts as much strain and stress on the lives of people. Particularly young people that just don't deserve it. Listen to the long term members, I used to read the success stories every day and convinced myself I was going to get better, and I did. Good luck everyone, I pray for you all all the time. If you need someone to talk to or advice, anything at all, just PM me. Whatever thoughts are going through your head and no matter how you feel, I've been there. To the longer term members: hey, and thanks for all your help when I was at my worst. Sam

Yeah the initial 'high' effects are definitely wearing off now, I'm still feeling the same positive benefits however, but I notice it wearing off inbetween doses so I want to increase to 4x per day and increase my dose to 600mg. It was just a medication I wanted to try, yes anxiety was a part of the decision but another was an alternative to Benzos, and it's working well, it kind of feels like a Benzo.

Yes I've tried Klonopin and various other Benzos, they were all effective except Xanax but definitely not as effective as Neurontin, still going strong on the Gabapentin and feeling great! Only downside has been some side effects of an intimate nature which I hope will pass.

Hey all, hope everyone is well. I have been prescribed Gabapentin, 300mg 3x a day to start off with. I just took my first pill today and feel amazing. A little 'drunk' and out of it but the doctor said this would happen and would subside soon. This is the best medication I have taken for HPPD, even better than Benzo's. I don't want to Jynx it but my DP/DR seems to be about 80% gone, and visuals are none existent aside from some VERY thin and mild static. I had no idea this would work so well. I feel amazing, my emotions are back and I am anxiety free, totally relaxed, in a brilliant mood and yet still focused and motivated for the first time in a while. Just wanted to check in and let everyone know! Anyone else had any success with Neurontin/Gabapentin?

Mine's been gradually improving. A temporary contract at a very stressful job ended recently so I think that took some weight off my shoulders and allowed my symptoms to improve (or return to baseline) and the DP/DR seems to be improving too, probably 50-60% improved from where I was a year ago. Visuals remain unchanged but they don't really bother me any more. The only things now are issues with short term memory, DP/DR and cognitive dysfunction. I'm confident I will improve further although I can probably see my healing process taking 5 years or more, based on the improvement in the last year.

Yeah, Etizolam is sort of a lone ranger in the world of Benzodiazepines and their various analogues, I find myself much more productive, alert and it actually makes me want to do things, participate in my hobbies, socialise and actually enjoy what I'm doing. Maybe this has something to do with the supposed norepinephrine release/reuptake, however I am unsure. All I know is Etizolam, as far as Benzodiazepine's go, is #1 for me. Just an FYI to everyone, if you'd like to try Etizolam, get the boxed and blistered Etizest brand. They seem to be far superior to the blue generics and Intas Etiilam, which I believe are slightly under-dosed. Flubromazepam - An interesting BZD analogue indeed, as one might assume from the chemical structure it is a Rohypnol type modification of Bromazepam, although doesn't share the same effects. My experiences with it, and some information about the compound are as follows: If you navigate to the Wikipedia entry on Flubromazepam, you will find a research paper detailing the metabolites and information about half lives, along with other information I do not understand. It is the second link under 'references'. In a nutshell, Flubromazepam has an estimated half life of 106 hours, and from my own personal experience, is better than Etizolam for reducing visuals, although not for functionality. It has a VERY pronounced anxiolytic effect, and a moderate muscle relaxant effect, although drowsiness was not an issue and so the compound is not very hypnotic. I have experimented with the compound at dosages of 4mg, 8mg and 12mg. 4mg produced a reduction in visuals (30-50%) and a reduction in anxiety (50-80%) that lasted about 2 days. At a dosage of 8mg, it was perfection. A strong reduction in symptoms spectrum wide, DP/DR, anxiety and visuals all decreased by around the 60-80% mark for 3 days, but be careful, this one lasts a hell of a long time, so start out low. Flubromazepam doesn't feel quite as functional as Etizolam, and takes about 3 hours to 'come up', however there were no unwanted side effects such as bad amnesia, drunken-ness, loss of motor co ordination etc. Although not much research has been done on the compound, I'd hazard a guess that it has strong anxiolytic and anticonvulsant properties with moderate muscle relaxant properties. The only way I can describe it without one actually ingesting it, would be a cross between Clonazepam, Diazepam and Etizolam. Although it is quite expensive at the moment I am having lovely results with it. No studies or information on addiction at the moment, but I'd guess it would share the same addiction and withdrawal characteristics as the other long-acting BZD's.

My pleasure I suppose we all react differently to medications, for example Xanax makes me anxious and agitated and leaves me unable to sleep. But yes, it's been a wonder medication for me, when I take it I experience 80-100 percent symptom remission, absolutely no tolerance noted as of yet. I think there's more to Etizolam than meets the eye, the fact it shows SNRI type effects in EEG scans explains why I'm often quite productive on it, and the seretogenic activity may play a part in why it's been so useful for my personal HPPD pathogenesis, it fascinates me how it doesn't down regulate alpha 1 subtypes and up regulates alpha 2 subtypes, along with the fact in studies no tolerance to the anticonvulsant effect was noted, no cognitive problems in a 4 week trial and the fact it became more effective the longer one took it. Very paradoxical for a BZD agonist. I've recently been trying Flubromazepam which has been amazing for visuals. I'm quite interested in benzodiazepines and their various analogues.

I have done extensive self-experimentation with Etizolam ever since I discovered it about 6 months ago, I find that it works best when taken for periods of time as opposed to dosing occasionally. When I have a break from Etizolam for say a week or 2, and then take 1MG, the hypnotic effect is very apparent and it slows me down quite a lot, now, if I take 1MG 2x per day for a week or so, it somehow becomes more effective the longer I use it. There are studies to this effect too which I believe I linked to somewhere in this thread. Etizolam definitely increases in effects the longer you take it, although with that you have to be careful, I've never had any withdrawal from Etizolam or any other Benzo, and I've read that a majority of people never experience withdrawal, but the fact that Etizolam has been shown not to downregulate alpha-1 subtypes and upregulate alpha-2 subtypes is quite promising, Really, the only withdrawal symptom I've noticed is some rebound anxiety which is to be expected when you're taking something that nullifies anxiety, and some neck pain. In any case, I have in my posession around 400 1mg Etizolam pellets, and I'm controlling my use quite nicely, I had a weeks break, then took some for a couple of days, then had another weeks break and have currently been taking them for a few days again to help me through a rough patch. In any case, I have around 350 branded and boxed Etizest Etizolam in my posession that were very cheap (The pink Etizest are far better than the loose pressed blue generics). I have not noticed any tolerance whatsoever or any withdrawal to speak of, as long as I'm careful then I can't see any problems. Etizolam has been THE HPPD killer for me, I feel back to normal on these. It completely kills all of my visuals aside from some very fine residual visual snow, and depersonalization is almost none-existent. It's a shame really, if I could take 2mg a day indefinately my life would be great.

Yes, I agree, the best medication for visuals is acceptance, accept them as part of your perception. My visuals don't bother me any more, at times when I'm really relaxed and lost in thought I actually quite enjoy them. Unfortunately with the burden of HPPD comes a terrible set of symptoms. DP/DR, cognitive issues, memory issues, anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, fatigue, tinnitus, the list goes on. I take Benzo's myself and those who do should not be judged. For some with more severe cases of HPPD it's simply not a life worth living, and medication is inevitable in a number of disorders, just because ours is not well recognised does not mean we are the exception. We deserve a normal life as much as anyone else, and if I have to swallow a pill to obtain that, addictive or not, then I will. I refuse to struggle to get through to the end of the day when I simply don't have to. Not that I'm at all advocating Benzodiazepine use, everyone should do as much research as possible about what they're putting into their bodies, and simply see how you react to the drug. Nothing has worked for me apart from BZD's. Oh, and as for how BZD's affect me: on a good day, 100% symptom free, on a bad day, 50-70% symptom free.

Depersonalization is definitely my worst, although it seems to have improved a bit lately, the lack of feelings is the worst but I've recently been dealing with a break-up and am feeling that a lot - maybe that's kicked my brain back in to gear haha. I'd be completely fine if it weren't for the DP/DR, couldn't care less about the visuals tbh.

Ah, not at all Odisa I did bombard the thread with a lot of information! I'll be keeping a close eye on this one, best wishes mate. Sam

For me, Etizolam. Xanax did nothing for visuals, Valium only slightly and interestingly Zopiclone was a good one too, although I only used that at night once. Look up Etizolam on the internet, or head over to my Etizolam thread in this forum. Best wishes, Sam

I think that would be awesome, I'd love to get someone's contact info just so whenever you're having a shit time of it you could fire over a text and just talk to someone who really knows what you're going through I'm in England though and I believe most of the forum members are either in the Americas, Australia or Continental Europe.

Tell me about it dude, near where I live everyone has the most ridiculous looking Christmas decorations you'd ever see, entire houses covered in flashing multicoloured lights, it looks a complete mess when driving past and sends my visuals crazy.

And apologies for how morbid this post sounded, I took a bit too much Etizolam and got a bit down in the dumps. This site is like my church.

Love you too HPPD brother

Hi guys, This is a bit of a cry for help, I'm almost a year in to HPPD with no significant improvement, and my life has gone down the shitter as of late. I lost my job, and just today my girlfriend said she no longer loved me and has left me, whom I loved very dearly. I've lost all my friends due to them being druggies and alcoholics and I feel like I've really hit rock bottom here, I have no clue what to do and I don't even want to wake up in the morning any more. I can't sleep, I have no appetite and I feel like I'm going crazy, I've been pretty stable as of late but my life has been torn to shreds, all before Christmas, on top of that I have an alcoholic family member to deal with and another family member who is seriously ill, I don't know what to do my sepersonalization has flared up immensely, I just feel so numb and out of it. As a result, I've been abusing Benzos, for example yesterday I took 40mg Valium throughout the day, woke up at 5am unable to sleep and so took 20mg more.. I don't know what to do, I feel like I need Benzos to live at the moment, and everything I care about in life has just been taken from me. Sorry if this sounds like a sob story, I've had a lot of Etizolam today and my inhibitions are out the window.. I just need something to help me through these shit times. Hope everyone is doing better than me anyway haha, much love fellow HPPDers, Sam

Yes apologies, I have a tendency to get a little off topic haha! Well it's going well so far from what I can tell anyway, I still feel much better, I can't say it's done a great deal for the visuals because the only major difference I can tell is afterimages/halos/starbursting, It hasn't reduced the intensity of afterimages, just made them shorter in duration, if you understand what I mean. In any case, I feel a great deal better cognitively and emotionally, I think the gloomy English winter weather has made my symptoms a little worse so the Sinemet was a welcome improvement.

Hi there! Yes, unfortunately what you describe does sound like HPPD. The feeling of unreality of your environment is indeed Depersonalization/Derealization, I am sorry you're experiencing this, but I and many others here are too, you are not alone! Remember that these feelings are just feelings and in no way represent what the world and environment around you really are. Fortunately many people do recover from HPPD, and even if they don't recover from the visuals, recovery from DP/DR is more than possible. Try to read through the recovery stories forum post in the main forums, and read through the general advice that long-term sufferers have provided. The pharmacological sub-forum is great if you're looking for medications/supplements to help you out, although as you're fairly new to this then try to wait it out as best you can, as it may pass soon. Have faith in your recovery and if ever feeling troubled by your symptoms, post here, our members are lovely and have been through it all themselves and will offer you support. Welcome to the forum

Yeah, I suppose I took the more pessimistic view there haha! I've read about the KOR and Dynorphins and remember reading that Dynorphins are directly related to one's sense of self, I suppose that holds merit as agonising the receptor causes ones sense of self to disintegrate. The theory does hold good merit though, I myself have read good reports from Naloxone, Naltrexone, Nalmefene and Suboxone (Not sure where, I think the majority were over at DPSH, although I question the authenticity of some of these reports). It would be nice to find a 'wonder drug'. Even 50% improvement in symptoms would be a huge improvement for the majority. I read on Wikipedia that in animal studies, JDTic showed antidepressant and anxiolysis qualities, I wonder how these effects are mediated, unless they are a direct result of antagonising the KOR. Hmm.. Yeah, I have a certain respect for DPSH but I think that most of the talk over there isn't necessarily for the benefit of the majority, and instead seems to leave me feeling worse about the condition when I leave the site, but that's just me. Anyway, I do hope it works out when you finally get to try it. Like I said before, if anyone is going to find the next wonder drug then it'll most likely be you haha! Some things I found that I thought were interesting and relevant: these results suggest that kappa opioid receptors play a prominent role in the modulation of human perception. - http://www.uptodate.com/contents/intoxication-from-lsd-and-other-common-hallucinogens/abstract/13 The dysphoric component of stress is encoded by activation of the dynorphin kappa-opioid system". - http://www.jneurosci.org/content/28/2/407 Also on the same as the above link.. Prodynorphin gene deletion increased anxiety-like behaviours, impaired the anxiolytic effect of bromazepam and altered GABAA receptor subunits gene expression in the amygdala Activation of the kappa opioid receptor in the dorsal raphe nucleus mediates the aversive effects of stress and reinstates drug seeking The Link between the {kappa}-Opioid Receptor and Dysphoria Asymmetry of the Endogenous Opioid System in the Human Anterior Cingulate: a Putative Molecular Basis for Lateralization of Emotions and Pain (Note EMOTIONS) People with Depersonalization also report a reduced sensation of pain, I know I for one definitely experience this, so the endogenous opiate system probably does play an important role. It's interesting to note that an opiate high is often described as 'dreamy', Depersonalization is 'dreamy' too.. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20358363 - SalvA and ketamine produced the same pattern of disruptive effects in the 5CSRTT, characterized by increases in signs often associated with reduced motivation (omission errors) and deficits in processing (elevated latencies to respond correctly). Sessions in which rats were fed before testing suggest that reduced motivation produces a subtly different pattern of behavior. Pretreatment with the KOR antagonist JDTic (10 mg/kg) blocked all salvA effects and some ketamine effects. Binding and function studies revealed that ketamine is a full agonist at KORs, although not as potent or selective as salvA. SalvA and ketamine have previously under-appreciated similarities in their behavioral effects and pharmacological profiles. By implication, KORs might be involved in some of the cognitive abnormalities observed in psychiatric disorders such as schizophrenia. A Kappa Opioid Model of Atypical Altered Consciousness and Psychosis: U50488, DOI, AC90179 Effects on Prepulse Inhibition and Locomotion in Mice - http://www.academia.edu/5059666/A_Kappa_Opioid_Model_of_Atypical_Altered_Consciousness_and_Psychosis_U50488_DOI_AC90179_Effects_on_Prepulse_Inhibition_and_Locomotion_in_Mice I thought this was very interesting, a direct link between benzodiazepines and KOR (Seeing as Benzo's are the one thing that seem to improve symptoms user-wide, minus the drawbacks) The effects of benzodiazepines on human opioid receptor binding and function. - http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11473860 the effect of midazolam was prevented by a selective kappa antagonist (interesting) all three benzodiazepines are kappa-opioid agonists Naloxone blocks the antianxiety but not the motor effects of benzodiazepines and pentobarbital - http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2FBF02246192 This forum post is also very interesting; as it mentions the role of dynorphin and the KOR in adhedonia, depression, anxiety etc. http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/63691-jdtic-kappa-antagonist-bulkgroup-buy/