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self destructive night


bpl4269
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So i kinda feel shitty about myself right now. Popped 3 benzos at work to numb me from the pain of depersonalization. Then proceeded to chain smoke cigarettes for the rest of the night. (Im not even a smoker!) Idk what the fuck is wrong with me. I guess i just want to escape from this bullshit. And if that means taking benzos and smoking phillies, i guess ive proved to myself that i dont care...

Depressed, angry as fuck at the world, pretty much want to kill myself right now.

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Hang tight friend. Lots of us have made many far worse self destructive decisions after our on set. Go easy on yourself and know the path to getting better is not linear. Focus that angst you feel into energy and motivation to make your life better. Go run, apply for school, learn an instrument, build a resume, pack a bag and go travel, whatever- harness that energy and use it positively to change things

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Hang tight friend. Lots of us have made many far worse self destructive decisions after our on set. Go easy on yourself and know the path to getting better is not linear. Focus that angst you feel into energy and motivation to make your life better. Go run, apply for school, learn an instrument, build a resume, pack a bag and go travel, whatever- harness that energy and use it positively to change things

Thanks for the advice man, i guess im just in a bad spot right now. Hopefully i can change that soon.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yeah man ive become a chain smoker, it was actually makin me feel depressed as hell. Id just sit down and smoke 2 pakcs of cigarettes. It made my depersonalization and ghosting a bit worse, so i recommend you quit while youre ahead. Im in the process right now, and ALL I WANT IS A GODDAMNED CIGARETTE...

 

IVe snorted 4 roxys, smoked 3 packs of cigarettes, drank a 12 pack, smoked weed, 3 xanax, 5 klonopins, and gotten in a fight which basically consisted of getting the shit kicked out of me while i was laughing, in about a 2 hour time frame...thats self destructive bro...dont let yourself get there.

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