China

Damn, just re-read my paragraph, sorry for sounding preachy lol, that wasn't the intention. I hope you start feeling better soon, dude

I've frequently felt like the black sheep of my family as well. Being the black sheep isnt necessarily a bad thing, it just means you and your parents have different ideas on what's right, and what you should or shouldn't do. Now having hppd, it can be hard to really get a grasp on what you think is right, being your thoughts are all cluttered. You have to realize you're young though, and most people don't really know what's right, what they want, etc, even well into their lives. Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't be so hard on your parents either. You may not always agree with them, but you may not always agree with anyone. Generally, your parents just want what's best for you, or what they think is best for you. Maybe take their suggestions with a grain of salt, and don't overly dwell on the things they say. Living with authority figures may make you a little angsty and quick to aggression, I know it does for me. They love you, though, and they will always be there for you till the day they die, it's kind of what parents are supposed to do. You probably know that, but it's harder to practice something than preach it, so just try to be a little nicer to them one day at a time. Breathe and think before you jump the gun. The anxiety, anger and detachment will fade, just keep telling yourself that. Repeating positive thoughts in your mind will make you think positive after time. Don't sweat these feelings too bad, as they are just feelings. Ultimately you have the power, and if you want to stop feeling bad, try to do things that make you feel good, tell yourself good things, and slowly you'll feel better. it just takes time, so don't worry if you try these things for a few days and they don't work. Stay gold dude, you're worth more than you think. You may have forgotten what normal feels like, but that too will pass, and what is normal anyways. You're you, no matter what. I know your probably know these things, but I figured I'd just tell them to you again sorry don't mean to tell you how to live your life.

Sounds like you're on the right track man, judging by that second paragraph. Just keep on keeping on, and it'll get better with time. Even if the symptoms dont lesson, you'll learn to adjust. Over time hppd wont hold the same clasp on your life that it has now. I think it's great that you found a new positive perspective with which to see your life through, even if it is from hppd. You seem like a strong guy, and you'll only become stronger over time. What doesnt kill you only provides a challenge. Depending on this site might not be the healthiest thing for you. It's just a constant reminder that we have hppd. It's here to help for sure, like if you're having an off day, the people on this site are here for you. But browsing this site too often is kind of depressing to be honest lol And you're never alone dude There's always someone rooting for you. Finding your way to cope with it is difficult for sure, but it's not impossible. You have the support of your friends and family and us here on hppdonline.com Haha, I'm insanely tired too, it's 6 AM where I'm at.

LethargicAcid, Keep on meditating man. Those anxieties surfacing are a good sign, means your flushing out your emotions. Meditation can bring out the fore front of nasty emotions, as opposed to disengaging with hppd, it makes you come face to face with it; it makes you deal with it. Trust me, meditation's the way to go. It may not seem like it now, but it can really help you conquer hppd in the long term. I've had it for a year and a few months, and meditating really helped me out a lot.

If you get knocked down, https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc

Hey man, don't lose hope and don't stress out. HPPD's akin to a rollercoaster, some days symptoms will die down, some days symptoms will flare up, c'est la vie. Give it a few days or a week at the most, and I'm pretty certain you'll feel better. Maybe Hppd is cyclical, and worsening symptoms are a sign that the brain is trying to heal itself? Idk, but no worries man, I've gone through the same thing, and usually after a couple days my symptoms die down.

Hey guys, I haven't really posted in a while. I've kinda just been lurking around this website for a few months, checking to see if anybody has found a cure, or maybe some tips and trick to deal with hppd. I've been holding on to this hope that a cure is going to be found everyday now. I've been meditating constantly, praying constantly, I've gotten a job to preoccupy myself from overthinking my hppd, etc. Well....actually Ive gotten a job to get money primarily, but the break from overthinking is an added bonus. I've been trying and trying and hoping and hoping....and I'm just tired of it. I'm really tired of it. I'm sick of caring so much, I'm sick to my stomach in fact. It's so stressful to be stressed out about stress...you know what I mean?..Probably not. I don't know, in a few months it'll be my hppd's one year anniversary, and I haven't really seen any improvements in my overall symptoms. But, you know what, I have seen improvement in how I cope with them. I use to freak out over my symptoms, and feel like Ive damaged my brain and fucked myself over for life, and I still do feel like that at times, but I've gotten better at looking at the bright side. I have friends, and a family that loves me. I have food on my table, I have a pretty good sense of humor. I want to make youtube videos soon, and hopefully get sponsored so I can make youtube moneys and fuck youtube bitches, lol. Eventually I want to use that money to become a musician, and fund my endeavors. Maybe one day, if my albums sell well, I'll be able to take a trip to south America and visit the rain forest over there. The indigenous people there don't suffer from baldness, or diabetes, or cancer, or brain disorders, and I feel like the herbs there would be able to help alleviate the symptoms of hppd. So I'd like to go there and bring some of the herbs back to America for research, and maybe eventually find a cure for "incurable" diseases. I give money to charity, because I know what it feels like to feel hopeless, and if I can help someone, just a little bit, I want to do it. The old pre-hppd me would've never done that. I'm not trying to seem arrogant or anything at all, I'm just trying to make a point. Hppd isn't the end. I still have hopes, I still have dreams, and I've honestly become a more caring person because of it. If you're just now going through hppd, or have been going through it, I just want you guys to know, That none of you are "broken" or "crazy" or "fucked" or any of that. We're all going to have our off days, I'm going through one right now (drank too much last night, flared up my symptoms), and life maybe a little more difficult for me these days, but I'm not giving up, and I'm going to wear a smile on my face through every second of it. If you're ever feeling overwhelemed or thinking negative thoughts or feel introverted, just breathe. Breathing helps me out a lot. I take one deep breath and I instantly feel better...This post is fucking long and I'm just rambling, but the main reason I posted this was for you. I hope in someway this helps someone, I really do. Keep on vibin' guys.

This miiiight be a slightly bias opinion, but I think it's a good idea definitely haha I was actually planning on attempting a fast tomorrow as well, we're in this together mr.50

RLS if you truly do enjoy hppd, then more power to you man. Sac the shit out of the quarterback.

David, I just want you to know I hate reading, but I read through all of that because it spoke to me. I could literally feel the emotion put into that man. You should write a book someday, please make it a graphic novel though, because a book without pictures is rubbish (; I symphathize with you man, and I really wish you wouldn't have such low self-esteem. I've been contemplating suicide a lot lately (HPPD's been a real pain in my ass) and I just want you to know, if I hadn't stumbled upon this website, that you created, I probably would've ended it already. I know it's sick and twisted, but just knowing someone else out there is having the same problems I am makes me feel a little less alone. So please, give yourself some more credit. you've helped a lot of people, there's no reason people can't help you. I'm a firm believer in karma, and I'm also a firm believer that you'll be able to get this ADHD thing under wraps. Don't sweat the small stuff, and try to look at the glass half full.

Any info will do, speculations, hypothesis, basic understanding, what it does to the brain, what it does spiritually, literally anything, I'm open for it...also if I posted in the wrong section I'm really sorry lol, feel free to move it :3

Intuition is a crazy thing, isn't it? In my understanding it's that spark of inspiration of un-experienced knowledge. Have you ever had an assumption pop into your head, not knowing just where it came from, no stream-of-thought that produced it, and you were right? I have, and actually had a moment of inspiration right before my last rc..."don't take it. You really can't handle anymore", it was something along the lines of that. Me being an egotistical, arrogant asshole, however, chose not to listen to my own voice of reason. I guess I thought I was the shit, now I wreak like it haha...aside from the self-deprecating humor (get it? ) I had an intuitive moment last night that told me that I should sleep deprive. From first-glance perspective, this seemed like a really dumb idea, and it still does. For some reason I kept thinking about doing it, even though I did my research and came to the obvious conclusion that it would only make my visuals worse, mess up my circadian cycle, etc, blah blah blah...it's no good for me. Then I thought, however...I have an inexcusable amount of free time in my hands. while most of you are working or going to school, or have some kind of schedule, I literally do a bunch of nothing all day everyday...so that being said, my intuition is telling me to stay up for as long as I can, and I would like to use this time to garner any and every amount of information referring to hppd I can. So if you guys could find the time, could you post everything (or just a single thing, if you don't want to waste your time writing an encyclopedia in this post) you know about hppd, or could you refer mr to some articles, or anything? I'm a thirsty hoe, and I'm after the k (knowledge). Lol sorry for the un legible post, I'm sort of a manic :3, but I just really want to know more about hppd and how it works before fasting again. I don't want to starve myself if I don't have to.

FUCK YES to this^ I'm really glad for you it's really inspirational to see someone come out on the other side! I'm at 4 months, and I'm really hoping I can be where you're at in 5. Fingers crossed lol >.< Does this mean you no longer see floaters, tracers, etc? I'm seriously really really happy for you dude cheers to being 100% hppd free in a month!

This makes me wonder, just how many people got hppd from a good trip? I haven't really come across too many good trip induced hppd stores (maybe one) it's too coincidental that so many different drugs can give you hppd (MDMA, psychs, delirients), makes me wonder if the chemicals were just catalysts for massive fear induced damage....idk it's 5 am where I'm at, might not be thinking too clearly lolEdit: never mind, I found some good trip induced hppd stories, I'm just spit balling shitty ideas lol

Exactly what I'm thinking man, You can live normally, I would not recommend it though. You're on a limited supply of energy, and as such you kind of have to ration out what you can and can't do lol. If you're only going to fast for a few days, then you could probably keep on with what you gotta do. More than a week of fasting and you'll know what I mean, it's taxing to even walk around, or at least it was for me. I feel that you gain more benefits from fasting when you're stagnant. It's like taking a vacation from life in a sense.

X) It's worth a shot! I'm in it for better of for worse. Yeah, I have a ton of free time since my parents pay for my food and rent...I'm scum, I know, lol. I just really want to cure myself before I go back on the job hunt! Before you fast, make sure you have at least 2 weeks where you can do a whole lot of nothing, and be warned, it's extremely fucking boring lol. We're all just grains of sand maaaan. And life, life is the beach maaaan. XD haha

"All dat hippy shit" XD that made me smile for some reason. Probably my inner hippy rearing his dirty ass head. That is very interesting! The brain is a perplexing paradox indeed. I would concur on the temporary visual snow treatment as a sort of way to fight excited visuals with excited visuals, if that makes sense. I really don't understand why sensory deprivation is a double edged sword of sorts though, I'll need to read the article posted and do a little more research on the topic, but I feel as if it would benefit people with hppd. Don't quote me not this, but it's been said that our brains are over-excited, and it's also been said that people that deprive one of the senses, finely tunes the others, as a way to know what's going on in the world around them. Back in high school I had this substitute teacher that was blind as a bat, yet would tell people to put away their phones, because he could hear them tapping on the screens (I phones mind you, no noisy buttons). He was like some kind of superhero. Perhaps cutting off sound stimuli would better enhance vision. In contrast, perhaps cutting off visual stimuli would decrease the excitation in the visuals. Idk, it's all very confusing. Honestly, I truly want to electrocute myself, in hopes that it rewrites my brain back to normal lol. Think I've been reading too many comic books. I really want to give sensory deprivation a shot, and will probably do so if my next attempt at fasting doesn't go as smoothly as I want it too. I really like this method of combat against hppd. No pharmaceuticals, just straight up relaxation and mind over matter.

I didn't watch the video, which may answer this question, but do you think that blindfolding yourself for a few days would essentially relax the visual cortex? I don't really have CEV's, just some static I notice if I keep my eyes closed too long. I know your visuals are always processing information, but perhaps keeping blindfolded would give your brain time to recuperate and re-encompass pre-hppd sight?

I thought Silk Road got shut down?

No prob man. He thinks they work 'too well'? XD what an asshole

Hey Steikt. I'm terribly sorry for the ignorance of your doctor ): you can't expect too much from him though, as he has never experienced hppd and doesn't know what it's like to have it. He's just going by the book. I personally don't trust doctors simply because they make money off of you being sick, you know what I mean? They prescribe you something, and whether it works or not they make profit. Some doctors truly do want to help people, that's why they got into the business. Some are just greedy fucks.16 years of hppd..that's a doozie, I can only imagine the struggle you've gone through. ): but I want you to know there are people rooting for you man. There are people on this website, that know exactly what you're going through. We maybe faceless, but we are not voiceless. I've personally only gone through this shit for 4 months now, and I've been experiencing some healing with alternative practices. This includes meditation. If you haven't already tried it, I would look it up and give it a go man. Just 30 min everyday will help you feel a little more grounded in my opinion. I've also experienced a lot of benefits from water fasting. I was tryin to cure myself through this method, and it didn't work, but I do feel more like myself now than I have in months. You've tried cocktails of medication and they didn't help. If you can get your hands on some bentos that'd be great, but if you haven't already, just try some more natural alternative methods, they may just do the trick. Don't give up man, keep on keeping on.

What's going on Andrew. First off, I want to be clear, you have to be very careful with this shit man. I know you've heard this close to a million times before, but psychedelics and the such is what gave us hppd. I do think, however, these small amounts you're talking about could reverse the effects of hppd, or at least make them easier to deal with. Everybody has had that thought, "fight psychedelics with psychedelics", or at least I did, countless times. I just never had the balls to go through with it. I figure very small doses of psychedelics would be in essence the same as a vaccine. Take a little bit so the body can grow immune to it. I don't what depth of pseudoscience this is, but if you're down to do it, give it a shot, and keep us informed! At the very least, I think you may be right in the idea that this will clear your mind and help get you on the right path. But you need to keep taking very minuscule amounts. By that I mean MINISCULE. I really don't want to see you fuck up and take a little too much, and bring yourself back to square 1. You have to know your limits man, seriously. Don't ever take enough to trip, just enough so that the body recognizes what's going on. Please be safe in your endeavors man.

I feel your struggle man. Mountain Dew is nectar from the gods lol. And it's really hard to quit ciggs. To not smoke, eat, or drink the dew for two days is a really good start! The biggest deterrent in fasting is the boredom. That's what fucks everything up. During the summer, as long as you can keep yourself mildly entertained, I believe you got it. I'm rooting for you mr.50

Haha there ya go! All we need is Mother Earth maaaaaan~ lol Bee pollen tastes like gerbil shit (don't ask me how I know) it doesn't taste very pleasant to me at all, but I usually just plug my nose and take a spoonful a day. You can sprinkle it in cereal, eat it on a banana with peanut butter, however you'd like. I think I read you can't mix it with hot food or drink though, idk why, I guess it neutralizes it. Idk, not a doctor. I think the best way to do it is to eat a spoonful of it mixed with royal jelly, I heard they have a synergistic effect on each other. I would watch out for allergies though. If you're allergic to pollen, you should probably start off with a really low dose, maybe like a third of a teaspoon, and slowly work your way up, so your body can build up a tolerance. A vegan supermarket....I think those are taboo here in America lol

I would also suggest bee pollen! It's sort of a nootropic. All bee pollen differs, but they all give you the same results. More energy throughout the day (s opposed to coffee, which will make you crash after like an hour, unless you have bulletproof coffee, but that shit is expensive), they have almost every vitamin, mineral, amino acid, etc, your body needs. If we didn't need so many calories, we could literally survive on like 2 tsp of bee pollen a day! They are the most whole food supplement you can get. I've read articles that claim bee pollen also greatly reduces brain fog overtime and can help you live longer. It's fairly cheap too, I got mine for like 9 dollars online, and it's a big ass bottle.