Meadow

when I feel like this I just put on some nice music and lie down in my hammock and drift away... Of course this does only work when I am at home and there's nothing to do... If I remember this thread I'll try the shaking when there is no hammock to relax

I'm glad that you found your way here. I am pretty new here too and I have to say it helps a lot to know that there are others experiencing the same stuff. It really helps a lot to share your thoughts about hppd but also about everything else. I wouldn't believe it myself if I did not try it. I know how troublesome it can be. Everyone here knows... but the ones who have a good time help the ones who have a bad time. so, yeah. ferret also asked some stuff already. For me it was really helpful to write down my symptoms, just to specify them and see literally what is "wrong" with me...

two weeks ago I drank a tiny bit of beer. it had 3% alcohol and I am not exactly sure how much I drank, because it was shared. maybe half a litre of beer, but maybe even less. I did not get a feeling of being drunk, not the tiniest bit! Then, in the evening (drank it in the afternoon, early evening), when it got dark, I felt a big anxiety, I began to cry for no good reason at all and could not fall asleep. I don't know about my visuals, I was too focused on what's inside of me. The next week I could hardly sleep. I was really afraid of clsoing my eyes. Not only because of the CEVs (they got more noticeable, they put me in their world and I was more than a watcher), but also because of the dreams which would accompany my sleep. they wren't nightmares, it was way worse. they felt so real, they were grotesk, colourful and vivid. In the morning I did not feel asif I'd sleep. I tried to sleep as little as possible, because of this panic. Now it is going away slowly...very slowly hell, I'll never drink a drop of alcohol again.

my hppd is woodrose-caused, and all drugs I took before getting hppd were natural ones (some parts of plants). and quite often I see a giraffe taking leaves off a high tree. or there are shapes (sometimes human-like) which are moving. Soemtimes I can control their way of moving, so it feels like a free cinema most of the time there are just flashing shapes in different colours. They are not geomatrical most of the time.

lucky you. This is kind of my most annoying symptom. I can't say if I am sitting in front of my laptop for five minutes or five hours, unless I remember everything I did and guess how long it might have taken to do it. For me it is really helpful to accept my symptoms. When I don't fight them we live in a nice endosymbiosis. Of course it is really really hard to get to this point and I needed long time for it and it was a tough time, but when you are finally there, everything is easier, mostly. Moaning doesn't change anything and saying "Oh my god, I am going crazy" too. It could only make everything worse... but this is only my personal opinion (and I moan a lot about my symptoms, btw)

Sounds very familiar to me. Another question I have: How do you feel about time? Does it pass slowlier, faster? Can you say how much time has passed, by not thinking about the stuff you did and judging it logically? Has your feeling about time changed since you have those symptoms? From my point of view, when checking my symptoms, I came to the conclusion to call it DP/DR, but here are people around which know much more about this topic.

I thought those pictures would fit to the song. maybe there are other people out here who can relate to them... great song, btw

my mom suffers from a bad migraine from time to time (very often). And me, I have sometimes really bad hppd-symptoms. right now i feel fine, but I know that it can change very quickly

it seems, that I need it to get some sleep... last night I tried it without... I ended up crying like a little baby and I was really afarif of harming myself... theses are not my own thoughts, I don't want to harm this body. thanks so much to everyone who wrote here. you really encouraged me. I don't know where I would be without knowing about Valerian root and just every word you wrote helped we a lot!! thanks so much.

well said!! there's nothing to add from my point of view

@nepuinthesky: What's to be seen in your second picture? Shall there be a face between the trees? and I can read the text at the beginning of this thread. English is not my first language, the first words have been a bit harder to decipher but when my brain kind of realized, that it's english, it went smooth. So far, I met noone personally, who couldn't read a text like that... maybe I am just hanging around with crazy persons ;-)

What I wonder now: Are those predisposed genes in us from the very beginning and drugs kind of activate them? If it's this way, these genes have to come from somewhere, most likely from our parents. And if they don't have any symptoms can the genes remain quiet when not activated? Or is it us changing the genes somehow? so we are the only ones to blame, if you want to blame anyone^^ Sorry, I don't know about what's going on in the body at all...

I've got the package yesterday afternoon. I made a tea immediatly and finally I could relax and even sleep a little, but then my mom woke me up. Have been very drowsy for a couple of hours. For my evening/night sleep I made another tea. This stuff works very quickly :-) There have been some light CEVs at the beginning but a million times lighter than usual. I fall nicely asleep, no annyoing dream (for the first time in a bunch of weeks I woke up with no stupid dream in mind!!) and well rested. Normally I wake up pretty early, but today it's been 7:30, for me, that is late ;-) Yeah, sometimes those CEVs can be funny and cool, but not when they keep you away from sleeping all the time. I don't have them only when wanting to sleep. If I'd close my eyes now, there would be something. Even when blinking there is something. Too fast for me to realize what exactly, but there are some colours and patterns... Maybe I am really going to miss them, but I also missed a good night's sleep!!! Edit: To state this for eternity: Valerian Root feels so much better than opioids(at least for me)!!! and I am pretty sure it is less "dangerous" so I am really happy now! I feel better without making everything worse in long term.

Hello, for me it is just a theoretical question. I am not pregnant and not plan to be it soon. But I wondered if those symptoms do have any (negative) effect on a baby. Of course everyone should be as reasonable to stop taking drugs when awaiting a new family member, if the person did not stop taking them already. Right now I can't think of a way how optics should influence those circumstances, but maybe other symptoms do? Well, thanks in advance :-)

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when posting something to a thread when the last activity is like half a year ago. maybe time solved the problems already and then it is useless or at least no one is interested in it... and I feel the same as IthinkIdosed2much, when reading here about all the symptoms I feel like developing them too... I am pretty new to this forum, but it is a good community. I won't leave that quickly ;-)

@ morbide: If there is no tool on this page, you can copy the text and put it in a writing program and enlarge it there. That's what I always do with long texts.

why can you edit a posting only once? well, so I have to write another one: I forgot to add Depersonalization and Derealization to my list as well. It is hardly noticable nowadays, but it has been a huge "problem" for me. I analyzed my behaviour all the time, I really felt like... yeah, don't know how to explain. people who have it, know it.. am i just used to it or did it go away? I can't say... ------ F*** it. I know why my symptoms worsened... when visiting a friend, we chilled and drank some beer. it has only 3% alkohol and a taste of woodruff. I don't know huch much I drank but not that much actually, we shared the bottles, and he definetely drank more, but it was 5 0,33Liter bottles in total... I shouldn't have done that, but I did not think about my hppd at that moment.... ---- and I haven't slept this night. I just couldn't make me close my eyes for the visuals to take me... now the symptoms worsened...i see flashlights everywhere, my head feels like a mess, when sitting or standing or walking i feel like sitting in a caroussel (this thing with seats which spins) and my mouth feels strange... so does everything i touch

I had lots of mental effects in the past. But I am living with the whole stuff for about one year and five months. The mental stuff faded away over time, therefore the optics developed. I hope you understand when I don't want to go too deep into detail about my mental problems, because I am afraid they might come back when thinking about them too much... some kind of anxiety still exists, but it is nothing compared to what have been. and i felt like there are multiple mes...just different persons in me, talking to and fighting eachother in my head. and so many more things... I hope I get the package soon with the valerian root inside. I'd prefer to buy it in a "real shop", but there was none here who offered pure valerian root, at least I wasn't able to find it. therefore I'd had to use the internet... Today I drank a lot :-) and I guess I am going to annoy my boyfriend with telling him even more things about my visuals, but this weekend he is not in town... anyway, thanks for all the good wishes and I'll return them to everybody of you! I really hope this forum can change its name somewhen, when no one has any problems left!! *dreaming* ---- Edit: Just to complete the list of my symptoms: I also have starburst and some light case of restless legs syndrom... and I did not sleep this last night at all. I just was to fu**ing afraid of clsoing my eyes. sometimes I can't handle CEVs and the dreams at night. When there is school the next day, I try to sleep at least a few hours, but it's weekend now, and therefore I stayed awake. I've read a lot here and listened to music. I've ehard noises in the songs which are definetly not there and the singers seemed to sing faster but the song lasted longer. How ist that working? That's senseless, it sounds faster but lasts an eternity... Is there anything to do against those CEVs? (valerian root I will try as soon as it arrives, maybe today, I really hope so)

somehow, I think this explanation fits very well to HPPD. Would have never thought of it myself, but now where you pointed it out, it seems obvious :-) But where are the pieces of gold to find, to stop it?

yeah, going out is always good. maybe I'll beg my boyfriend to take long walks with me. Listening to music helps me too, but closing my eyes is not good. I can handle the visual snow and all the other things I see, but those CEVs are much harder. I haven't sleep properly for a week or more because of them... and when tiredness is too big to keep eyes open I fall into dreams which don't let me rest... I don't feel relaxed in the morning... and the weather here is already "good", but too hot for me. I prefer snow. or at least not up to 30°celsius...

well, I don't like going to clubs but being active otherwise sounds fine. soon I have no school for six weeks... what to do then? I am sure i will get bored sooner or later...that scares me a bit. I wrote an sms to the friend, I asked for a final meeting, as a symbolic good bye and for talking. so far, no answer.

I've changed my life from vegetarian to vegan. Not only because of hppd but for many other reasons as well. But somehow the drug experiences gave me the kick in the ass, so to speak. I am also more happy to be alive now. The world is beautiful, if you take a close look. In my opinion we just get a chance to have a closer look at this planet. People who never experienced this hppd-stuff don't know how lucky they are. Is it luck? I don't know, but their life seems easier. I don't think compelety negatively about hppd, but it is annyoing over time. Great idea to have a thread like this, btw. Your suggestions are good but hard to follow. But I will give it a try to change even more :-)

at the very beginning of my hppd my left pupil looked like it's breathing. It extended and got smaller in the rhythm of my breathing. looked kind of scary. The right pupil was not affected by that. Now, both of them do not react on light correctly. they need lots of time to adjust to the amount of light and sometimes it looks as if they get bigger, when there is a bright light. shouldn't it be the other way around?

I also have a big problem with telling what is normal and what is HPPD-caused. I have no idea what life looked before, so I just throw in stuff which I assume to be special. I am pretty sure I am so used to some stuff that I don't even notice it as "new" anymore... Mostly I am listening to the album Meddle. But some parts in the middle of Echoes make me feel uncomfy. When there is some drug in me it's alright. But listening sober to it is hard. I get some kind of uneasy feeling and panic. But songs like Uncomfortably Numb are just perfect. So I won't listen to "on the run". never did that btw. and if you say it is somehow bad I am glad to not experience it myself. I've got to know my boyfriend better after getting hppd, but the first wave was gone, I was on a kind of plateau, but now and then it developes... sometimes in a positive way but more often in a negative way. While this first wave of hppd, I had email contact to a person. an adult man. i told him everything, he knew about me taking drugs. but he didn't take the symptoms that seriously. He thought it would be normal. Mostly I was just writing and he not replying. sometimes he did. Without him I would have lost every connection to the real world. No one else knew about me taking drugs and suffering from that. He calmed me down. I forced myself to think "It can't be that worse, when he think it's not". It really helped to think of him. Before my hppd we met. and a mnths or two ago too. I always feel so much better when he is around. Sometimes the thoughts are enough to lighten my hppd. But when he actually is with me somewhere, I nearly forget about the hppd completely. It feels awesome to not have visual snow!!! But now: he wants to quit contact!!! he thinks its not good in longterm... I can'tlet him go. at least I want one last meeting for a real goodbye. not an e-mail goodbye. that would be cruel. I am nearly crying alltimelong since he told me that he doesn't want to sepnd time with me anymore. He is my non-medicamental and non-drug treatment for hppd. I just fu****ing need him!! he doesn't know. I sent him a link to my tripreports but he didn't look at them. How can I beg him for a final meeting? I just want to tell him what he means to me. How he made my life worth living. I always had something to look forward to. Does anyone else experience something like that? when you just kind of getting addicted to the persons who helped you at the very beginning and how they make you feel better? Is there a scientific explanation for something like that? or does it to the Talkiing-helps section? and I talked/wrote everything to him... but I also have the feeling that the deepness of my symptoms did not come out clearly... but it really felt good to share this with someone. @nepuinthesky: endlich mal wen Deutsches hier gefunden ;-) Ich bin übrigens aus Niedersachsen. Und dir wünsche ich auch noch eine schöne Zeit hier