Meadow

I thought it would be "normal for everybody" to worry about what other people think of, especially the people you like/love... so yes, I am anxious. I just want the best for him...why did he chose someone like me with all these problems? he deserves someone better, smeone who can look at things and see them as anyone else... another person I asked about that love-topic meant it could be about the dopamine and serotonin. She said there is more when love is around and there are theories saying hppd is caused somehow by the two of them. My Kratom visuals... the letters on the keyboard were moving. now they do it hppd-like, but the opioid-moving was different somehow, I don't know how to explain. And I saw lots of vivid and colourful CEVs. Iguess they have been different from my normal ones too, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed them, right? I don't know about what happens in the brain, therfore I will not say that Kratom has to affect on hppd. but what it does feels good. At least in my case hppd doesn't interfere with kratom. maybe the hppdsymptoms stay as they are, but you are too sedated to notice. Kratom can also have a stimulating/activating effect. I never tried that. It all depends on what you take. and because i took it so "often" i need 6 grams for a sedating feeling. the more you take it the more you need... I am pretty sure there is a higher chance for hppd-having people to get addicted to this kind of drug. It just made me feel fine with everything. and you get really let yourself go...you feel nothing, there is nothing on your mind. but little kratom is shy. you need to make your set and setting well. no disturbance and the right music for example. What is right for you, you have to find out. Kratom is very subtile. you can easily push it away when you have to talk to someone or the phone is ringing or you need to go somewhere. Although, walking and riding a bike and driving in a car (as a front-seat passanger, not yourself driving it!!!) feels a lot like flying. And when you really want to have a good time, it works perfectly. some people complain about the taste, but it's not too bad. You can handle it. oh, and btw, many people get stomach ache or other byeffects, but I don't. never felt bad and I have lots of experience. maybe i am just lucky or hppd is causing that? yeah, Kratom definetly feels fine for me. But I don't know about the medical side... it could make everything worse but I don't think so. Unfortunately there is lots of potential for addiction, but you read everywhere that there is NOT. I don't understand that... it feels awesome when you have no cevs when closing your eyes and have no thoughts in mind and are completely relaxed and so on

I am definetely carfeul with my Kratom. Next time taking will be in August. Not before. and maybe later, if I don't feel like taking it. I started with 3 grams, but now I am up to 5 to 6 grams for a proper feeling. Thai is a good one, in my opinion. There I had no visuals in the past, that's why I've been a bit scared of the indo-visuals, have never read about that before. Another question: When my boyfriend is here and we are close to eachother, the CEVs and other stuff gets worse. Is that "normal"?

I am living with my mother and my older sister. I don't even know my father. And my mother doesn't know about me taking drugs (in the past). I am seventeen years old and they all consider me being nice, shy and responsible and so on. If telling about HPPD, I needed to tell her everything. This would be too much for me right now. Still, I have those symptoms for about one year and 5 months. But I never talked to my family about it. I am pretty sure they realized I behave differently but they never asked me about it. My mom has also a new partner. I don't like him, actually I hate him. My mom is working all day long and when she is at home, her partner is here too. There is no time to tell her and I don't want to rush with that one. It needs to be the right situation. My boyfriend knows a bit about it. I never told him it is called HPPD and I just mentioned the symptoms which are not too bad and easy to handle. I don't want him to worry about me that much. he is against drugs in total, therefore that could be hard talking. I could never talk to someone about all this stuff. Once I had a friend, he was the only person I talked to when I got frshly into HPPD. he did not take it seriously. he thought it would be all normal and my own fault and.. a few weeks ago he quitted our contact. Another friend helped me, so I was not too depressed, but still a lot. I guess, I'm never going to tell my mom. What would it be good for? She would only self-reproach herself for not being there for me. I learned to hide it. I feel and see different but I learned to act as if nothing is going on. It took some time, but now I am pretty good at this acting, I guess. The hard thing is, that I also "acted" in front of my boyfriend, but this stops now... I show him the real me, and therefore there is lots of stress. Lots of crying too. He can't handle my hppd-me properly. I don't know if I should stay at acting towards him or if I should be myself. If he really loves me, he should try to get along with me. But I can't force him. Hopefully I will find a way soon. I don't want him to feel bad. I am in love with him. Maybe I am going to tell him more about my HPPD later on this afternoon, but it depends on mine and his mood.

@ cs1234: I had to laugh when I read that you consider me as a "severe case". I mean I have those symptoms for more than a year. They have been so much worse in the past, so much more different things. Now there are just the leftovers so to speak. I feel so much better than a year ago. And I just mentioned the things which are present. I wonder what words youand everyonelse would use if I would be able to put everything ever experienced here... I've ordered valerian root too, but from dragonspice. this shop is really cool. Is it allowed to say here something like that? If not, please don't be mad with me. I don't like the taste of alcohol and never smoked so far. For me, Kratom is very cool. Everything you see/feel/hear/do feels perfect. If there is someone able to understand German here, visit land-der-traeume.de and look for everything written by WieseUntermApfelbaum. That's me. There are some visual things with Kratom, but they don't annoy you. They just belong to the perfect world. The problem is, you need to get the right amount. I have indo commercial kratom here, and weeks ago it caused more visual disturbance. It was different, and not the hppd-things triggered. I felt uncomfy nonetheless. Never felt that with Kratom before. there for I prefer Thai (whatever). Kratom also has a nice afterglow at the next day. I still feel fine with everything. Therfore Kratom is very dangerous I think. You get along with everything, you swim through the nothing and it feels so nice, you want to do it over and over again. My fav season is winter, that might be the reason. Thanks for cheering me up and I will try to get to learn motorcycling very soon :-)

Thank you for replying :-) I do see visual snow, and now I know the right term for it. About the after images I am not sure. When looking at these pictures which are palying with that effect (where you look for 30 seconds at the picture and then on a white wall and then you see something funny or whatsover) it does not work. But when I am not "wanting" to have afterimages they could be there. But I don't know for sure. I guess you are right with me telling to quit drugs. It would be the only reasonable thing. But today I took some Kratom, to "forget" about the hppd things. and it works, but it's not good. I know. What do you think about taking Valerian root? I've reads somewhere (probably on neurosoup.com) that it should help... is there anyone who tried that? And I will not take anything "big". It could become so much worse. I already "lost" many of my symptoms. And I really want to follow that way.

Hello. I've just joined this forum. I am from Germany and therefore my English might be bad sometimes, because I am not familiar with terms and words to use when talking about drugs in English. But I hope you are going to understand what I am trying to explain. I am not even sure, if the things I experience are really to be called HPPD. But I've read a lot about this topic and wrote in another german community (Land der Träume) about it, and I guess everything points into this direction. I started taking Hawaiian Baby Woodrose in December 2010. I had four trips in total. The last one was at 27th January 2011 and it never stopped. I mean, since then I feel different. This last trip was a spontaneous one, just chewing two or three seeds and then my family interrupted me before it could really start for dinner. I already felt it coming up, but then I needed to hide. Other drugs I took before Woodrose are Kratom,Syrian rue (Pegganum harmalal) and Nutmeg. After a while (maybe 2 months) I took some Kratom to "cure" the woodrose-feelings. It felt like heaven. The woodrose parted my inner thoughts and Kratom melted it all together again. But when the effect went away, I felt worse than before. I took about 80 grams of Kratom in two weeks. and then for a long time nothing. I just coped with the symptoms somehow. But about 2 months ago,I started again with Kratom and Tramadol. The last one has a immense effect on me, I need very less to get the feeling. My HPPD-like symptoms come and go. Well, actually they are always there, but sometimes it is very hard for me to get along with them. About a week ago it started to be hard again. Since yesterday evening they go away slowly, and therefore I am only able to write about it, before I could not concentrate on typing and stuff like that, because my keyboard looked like a dancehall for letters. Today I tried to not notice the things I see. And that made it more creative. There were bright white rectangle flying through my field of vision or blue stripes following me. The shade of blue was like water in typical carribean beaches. I also notice halos around objects. As already said, letters are dancing with each other, and when reading texts the black color melts together, I see patterns in it, these patters are moving and changing colours, mostly it becomes a dark green or violet or blue. Often there is something like a grey dust above everything, like static on TV, but in grey and with smaller grains. I also see afterimages sometimes, and I have always Closed-Eye-Visions. They are annoying when they don't let me fall asleep. I mean, how can someone sleep, when seeing a firework or a giraffe eating leaves? I see floaters on the blue sky and on walls, no need to look there for long time, they com imidiatly A few months ago I was in the theatre. There I saw trails of the actors. Actually there have been around 5 people on stage but for me there were lots more. I still saw where they stood before. The stage was mostly white with less prop on it. And it feels like objects are moving but they don't do it for real. Often there are moving colourful objects in my field of vision. They always have the same colour, but this colour can change. I want to say, that at a time there are some balls in the same colour, but the next day they all have another colour. I am pretty sure, I forgot many many things. Some even have gone already. I feel like that for more than a year... For example I don't have that much pseudo-hallucinations anymore. At the beginning I saw a special type of snails everywhere I went. (I guess it was a hallucination, I can't imagine that there are 30 snails in my room really) Now there are only the colours and wrong movements. When I want to push everything away, it intensifies for more attention. In summer it seems worse than in winter. When I have lots of stress it gets worse too and it also worsens when I am hungry and tired. right now my black keyboard looks very green. and the edges blur. When listening to special kinds of music, I feel better. Music like Pink Floyd or Jefferson Airplane or other psychedelic stuff. ----- So, to people who know more about HPPD, does that sound like it? If there are questions, please feel free to ask me. Or if my phrasing is not good enough. Another thing: A while ago, while taking Kratom, I painted my lamp with blue colour. I also have a blue cloth in front of my window against the sunlight. And somehow I feel finer in this blue light than in other lightbulb-light. Is there somewhere something about that? and does anyone know about if Kratom is good for stuff like this or if it "harms" me more? I also want to learn riding motorbike. But I am afraid of it with all these colorful balls in my Field of vision. Anyone has experience with that? I reallly want to feel this freedom,but I guess it could be hard... Thanks for reading and I hope you could understand, what I am trying to say Greetings