Syntheso

Bloody missus...

Ditto Firefly ^ Twin Peaks gets 10/10 for me (well, first season at least), I am struggling to find something that makes me so happy! Series-wise that is. I've watched a few episodes of breaking bad.. not quite getting the hype, but maybe I need to watch some more. And 'The Lakes', BBC drama that was another to get cut too soon. Brilliant stuff.

On the up side though, a day where I do take Klono is a day to look forward to, and I think I make the most of those days a lot more because you appreciate them that much more. The main thing for me is that my DP/DR is quite bad and Klono gives me some emotion back. Whilst that is a more positive way to think about it (than 'I want to be done with this HPPD nonsense'), I think it's not particularly helpful. To reiterate my comments above.. try not to psychologically emphasise a dichotomy between Klonopin days and 'the other days'. Not just because that's more likely to lead to abuse, but because you should try and look forward to every day (be positive), or throw yourself into it despite how shit you feel, to aid the healing process. In other words, imagine you had no drugs at your disposal, only the power of your mind.. approach each and every day like that. It's taken me a while to fight the feelings of brain fog and chronic lethargy, but you need to condition yourself not to give in. I certainly was doing that for ages. Now when I feel it coming on, I go and do some yoga, exercise, meditation, breathing exercises or whatever. It clears my mind for a while. Then it can come back later, go do it again, etc. Rather than what I used to do - 'I can't do anything but sleep, and I'm not sure how care I am if I wake up'.. Another question that comes to mind is, say if I take 2mg of Klono, how long do I have to wait before my tolerance dies down to the point where it'd have the same effect as the first time I took it? I hope that makes sense. http://www.bcnc.org.uk/equivalence.html You can work it out from the half-life. If you want to be sure, let's take the upper end; 50 hours. So max 50 hours, half is gone, quarter in 100 hours, eighth 200 hours.. etc. Basically, if I took 2MG of Klono every sunday, would tolerance likely to be an issue at all or would the relief be quite consistent dosing in that manner?You'd had some tolerance, yeah, but if you kept it to that I can't see there being problematic use. Taking a dose once a week wouldn't make you 'HPPD-free' for a day. Doesn't for me anyway. If I compare my 'HPPD-free' (no visuals, better cognition, no brain fog, lethargy) benzo experience to a weekly dose, usually Lorazepam, it is at about 50% effective as that experience. Whilst browsing book stores I have noticed there are quite a few books out discrediting the psychiatry community for the popular prescription of such drugs, arguing they are toxic. I have not read into that, but I guess these things might stay in our systems for longer than we think. Anyway, not to scare you, just be careful.

+1 Modafinil, helps me regulate sleep, focus, combat lethargy etc. I take it maybe 2-3 times a week. Managed to read half a book today on 100mg this morning, 100 pages small text in a few hours, even despite the heat and moderate brain fog. Preferred over stimulants that make you feel edgy (at that dose it doesn't for me). But, it would be good to have a case report on guanfacine.. :-)

Simply said.. if you take it daily, you will rapidly build a tolerance.. it won't touch your symptoms and you'll keep upping your dose.. you know that story. It is unlikely that you will have another 'HPPD-free' day unless you wait for it all to get out of your system, even if you only take it once a week, it still won't be that noticeable. Just be content with some alleviation. And just keep it at once a week, if not longer, I suggest. And even if you get to your seven days without, think if you really need it. Save it till you do. And keep the doses as small as possible, my advice to you. Sorry to be boring, but that's probably the best advice. I had my 'HPPD-free' moment.. was only on the first benzo dose I tried. I have kept it at least a week between use since then (well, not initially, I got excited, which proved to be not so magic bullet-y) and it doesn't come any where near that. Think long term; ie. smaller doses, more spread out. Edit: so to answer your question, more directly on controlling benzo use.. just strong determination of the mind. Be really strict with yourself. And also try and use that to feel good anyway, i.e without benzos. Try not to place too much emphasis of the benzo magic bullet thing. It's just one thing of a much bigger healing process. PS: I say this as a lover of benzo recreational use and a large stash of all sorts of benzos at my disposal. I still maintain the above with strict adherence (i.e not just saying it to be an ass )

Glad you're feeling better... please keep us updated.. would be interested to see how you feel in over three weeks.

Thurs preferred for me too.

Coluracetam does indeed sound very exciting, I am almost tempted to push for that before my upcoming Keppra trial, but that's probably a bit risky. One question I have from your thread on racetams, which I can't find right now... if I remember correctly, Coluracetam seems to repair the visual cortex. Are there studies that conclude that psychedelic use damages the visual cortex? It might seem like a no-brainer ('of course our visual cortex is damaged, you idiot').. of course something(s) is/are damaged.. is there evidence that psychedelic use damages the visual cortex in particular (as opposed to other areas that might perceptually distort our vision, without the visual cortex being damaged itself). The bit about the Coluracetam's benefits for the visual cortex was one of the most exciting bits, but less so if there are not conclusive results of visual cortex damage in HPPD sufferers. Again, feels like I'm asking a silly question, but I don't recall reading anything about HPPD -- > visual cortex damage. Then again, my memory is very bad

Interesting. Did you do something nice whilst you were tripping, something healing? How did you feel before and after the trip, the afterglow, etc? So you just woke up feeling different, no sort of transitory phase?

By the way I'm now much more free this week if tues no good for Chris, decided not to festival as I was lucky enough to get a neurology appointment at short notice.

Aye, good stuff. Same here, at first it was terrifying, then you get used to it.. Yeah.. when you wake up but you can't move your body, often accompanied by hypnagogic hallucinations. What do you mean by these weird episodes not unlike seizures? The seeing through the eye lids thing is one of the hypnagogic hallucinations.. and sometimes just sensing things around you. Particularly, perhaps worth mentioning, I have often had episodes of sleep paralysis following drinking a fair bit of tequila. Sounds like you were about to faint when you lost your sight/hearing. I lose my hearing frequently when working out. I recently was out with some friends and had drunk a fair bit.. suddenly my hearing started going mental, then pretty much lost it, sight gradually started going, with some weird sort of hallucinatory embellishments going on. I thought I was losing the plot fully and my HPPD was turning into something more fully fledged.. thankfully someone I was talking to grabbed me some water quick, I drank it and my sight returned in about two minutes. I put it down to HPPD till someone I told a few minutes later said it sounded like I was about to faint... which makes sense, I only had two eggs in the morning, spent a day performing for final exams, then went out and knocked back a sizeable amount of alcohol.

Now now brendan, nothing to be afraid of...

Sounds good to me.

I can only really do mon or tues in the day, or mon after 10pm, will be in the dalston area. Going to break into a festival on wednesday

Does anyone experience sleep paralysis that much? I've been getting it quite frequently since I've had HPPD, not sure if it's related though. Just woke up from my most vivid episode yet. Included sensing my sister walk past the door, seeing the cat jump on the bed next to me and feeling her rub my cheek, then my sister coming back to the door and repeating some words over and over again (hypnagogic paracusia). At some point in that I realised it was an episode of paralysis and weeped. Took quite a few minutes to snap out!

Interesting that this just came up.. http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/2114-mushrooms-and-a-cure-for-dpdr/ I am still keen on the idea of HPPD as a trauma needing to be dealt with. Exposure therapy is efficacious for PTSD patients. They have to confront their traumatic experiences before they can start recovering properly. I wonder if small doses of shrooms (not enough to induce visuals or freak out) might help recondition the mind not to freak out from the intensity of previous powerful trips.. sort of activating the areas mildly but not traumatising them... sort of like a kid being afraid of a monster under the bed, and you showing them, 'look, see, there's no monster under the bed, it was just a bad dream'... I would also perhaps go back to a place where I had one of my more powerful trips and relive it and try to reframe it. And maybe supplement with something to contain the suppress the sympathetic nervous system. Something I might put to the test after my Keppra trial, unless a new efficacious treatment is found. Disclaimer for those that need it... I am not telling you to go and take mushrooms... I have formulated these ideas about things through my own research.. I have no evidence, and am heavily speculating.

What dose did you do? And how long ago was it exactly? Keep us updated on this... it could be a coincidence, of course. But potentially not.

New goobers? Hah. Probably the latter. Well, if some people do feel too messed up.. I suggest it would be a very helpful experience to meet up with other people who can completely empathise with what's going on.. it's not like anyone would think little of you if you were feeling really fogged out and couldn't really speak.. just attending and being around would be therapeutic (I reckon). I'm looking forward to meeting another HPPD'er.. someone who will get you on a level that no one else in your life really can! Definitely come and celebrate when you're feeling better, we can hit an illegal rave and drop some blotters to celebrate

And to be clear, not talking about all that pseudo-spiritual bull crap...like people walking around calling themselves Buddhists when they don't really have a clue. I just mean considering you and your relationship with the world, interacting with others etc. These considerations are important and something science cannot provide. So it is not just important to focus on medication but other ways of raising the human spirit. Having a good time with friends and family, talking walks, playing a great gig often has removed my worst symptoms for days. I sense that most people here really know that though.

Perhaps because a fair amount of people here took psychedelics (and other drugs) as part of exploring their spirituality, and then acquiring HPPD...kind of ruined the whole spiritual vibes... I remember my friends and I being of the whole 'opening the doors of perception' ideology when we were exploring stuff. Well, empirically, for me, it did open the doors of perception (in many positive ways) and actually made me a much better person. Unfortunately, it did some damage as well. I don't regret any of it though! Anyway, what I am saying..? Some people possibly rejected mysticism for science (well putting it like that is perhaps a bit over the top) after acquiring HPPD. Mysticism still fascinates me and I enjoy exploring my spirituality in many ways, but it's not something I feel is of immediate interest to the forum. I suppose everyone here is primarily concerned about getting better - medically. I would love to talk about spirituality more on here, but often refrain for fear that people will thank I'm a cracked out hippy and not take my medical suggestions seriously!

All those places are good for me brendan and probably most Londoners. So is that all? Only three people? Must be more Londoners here.. speak up! I'm relatively free but also susceptible to last minute commitments. Maybe next tues (we'll see nearer the time)? Just use this thread I guess to post suggestions as and when we're available.

No one's advising it.. but there is absolutely no problem with discussing ideas. I doubt someone would read this thread and decide that as a treatment given the wealth of info on the forum. Fair enough man, if it helps you framing it in that perspective then that's great! I suppose I actually view it in a similar way.. when I am playing improvised music, often HPPD provides the ghosts that inspire my expression.

I'm fully up for trying different things after my Keppra trial.

Bear in mind; http://davidrainoshek.com/2013/06/how-facebook-fb-is-altering-your-mind-2/

It's what some people call HPPD...those who still maintain that their mind has been opened and are seeing the world through a spiritually higher lens...instead of admitting it's a horrible ass neurological condition.Although the above poster doesn't seem to suggest that's what they actually think..