Seasons546 Posted May 20, 2012 Report Share Posted May 20, 2012 Well first of all, I am thankful that I found this forum. It's been over a year now since the experiences that caused my hppd. I have had no idea what exactly was going on. I did copious amounts of research over alexithymia, schizoid personality disorder, depression, and many other things. The winter of 2010, I took some very powerful acid. I wasn't in a solid place mentally, and it was kind of spur of the moment. It was entirely foolish, but I just wish I didn't have to pay for it every day. During the trip I experienced one set emotion: panic. No matter what I did I felt exactly the same. No music sounded good, nothing. I was never okay after the trip. I felt anxious, and empty. I continued to smoke cannabis until about a year ago, which didn't help at all. During this past winter I just had thought loops constantly. The same thoughts over and aover all day and night. I couldn't stop. There was a three day period of time where I felt exactly like I did on the trip. I basically just slept fourteen hours a day and eventually it did pass. I experience visual snow, sometimes things move, and visuals similar to this (http://en.wikipedia....sualization.gif), but colorless. I can't become engaged in anything I do because I'm always watching myself, analyzing myself. I always feel like I'm split into two people, one who's living and one who's watching. I feel as if I've totally lost who I was. I've started to drink a significant amount of coffee, but abstain from all other drugs. The coffee really helps, honestly. I don't feel normal, but I can make jokes again, and just talk to people in general. It makes the visuals really intense though. I worry it's detrimental in the long run. So, how does everyone else deal? Also, I'd like to say again just how grateful I am I've found somewhere I can talk about this. I've never told anyone before now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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