DeeJaySwayD

Its amazing to find people who can relate and support. I def havent lost touch with reality, lol, id like to sometimes as it is stressful. And your correct, i have a horrible time handeling it, it makes me have an bad attitude and a mean tone of voice according to my household, but i mean no harm or negativity atvall, just been through too much ish.

I believe you do constantly get better get better only through the understanding and basically desensitizing yourself to the symptoms, and thankfully auto pilot takes care of it alot. I know ive been full of symptoms that are ever revolving, but im used to the new reality through the skewed perception just because its there everyday. Benzodiazapines quiet things down a bit to where life out and about is always possible. I am down to. 05 - .1.0 maybe only a couple times a week, but only if i keep my mental busy with new info, processing and wonderful distraction. I have add, adhd slightly also of this disease.so my hppd symptoms can involve me buckling under stress and praying for thorazine. The art of distracting your mind is really important i believe, some days im simply too busy to be constantly tripping my ass off, having panic attacks and crying under pressure...also when you can handle your hppd symptoms, you get a good dose of self esteem. I sadly know as years pass that there will come a day when i can no longer party and i will have to drop the hallucinogens and then probably pot....well maybe add constant benzos for low anxiety and keep smoking to not be "glitching" and "getting stuck" but as i said things are always moving, chainging and evolving with this disorder. There is hope, keep your head strong. Stay thirsty for knowledge of power to change oneself from unknown bad decisions that may be reversable.

I have found speed to be an everchanging hit or miss bit of help with hppd....it can make me so clearheaded im bored and feel odd, yet the strange foreign feeling is "normal" mental supposedly. I have also had amphetamines give me a a psychotic break which lasted a few hours but i was conscious and remember it all. I have been on amphetamines and methamphetamines since 2003 and have had hppd since 2005.

I have had all these symptoms with severe visual disturbances (trails, halos, starbursting, static, movement, fade to black, awful peripheral, change of colors, nightblindness)...i also have 4 possibly 5 personalities. I was diagnosed in 2005 i think, but probably had it long before then. I cant say what exact chemical or combo did it...DOC, DOI and amphetamines combined made me seek answers though. I find that xanax comes wirh an addiction but it calms the mental and visual static without taking my prophetic and clairvoyant nature away completely, since i was almost (according to the dsm!) Completely schizophrenic., borderline personality disorder still exists strong with ptsd and acute, chronic anxiety but i live a good life. Depersonilization only when i really lose my mind or someone else steals my face, i have used my mpd to the advantage of always being able to see whats going on in my head, like i do not flashout or blackout from headgames or dope, only severe concussions, which i have also had about 7 of. I have adjusted, but i have bad social skillz sometimes and am socially shy on purpose sometimes due to it. Driving at night is bad since staring at taillights causes trails sometimes covering 80% + of my visual feild. I also become dyslexic when i combine xanax and thc. I still party on occasion, more amphetamines and benzos than acid these days, but i can handle my own. Im shot out but i think since i view more, i can only learn more, gain more new perspectives and be smarter. My wrist is tattooed with ''don't drop bombs, drop acid.'' and the other with ''coincidence or providence.''