I think I have hppd please help me.

[Aiden]

Just for some background information on me, I am 18 year old male, about to graduate highschool, been a daily weed, and also cart smoker since August of 2022, have had tinnitus forever has been mild enough to not bother me really, Also vape nicotine for roughly a year.

I have also been wanting to quit weed since probably early 2023 but haven't because im a big procrastinator and have some anxiety. However I have been trying to ween myself down for the past 2 weeks by waiting until at least 4 or 5 pm in the day and sometimes later like 8, or 9pm.

My psychedelic experience is 4 times doing mushrooms (all pretty low doses Ive never gotten any intense visuals on them, no closed eye visuals on them either.)

• First time September 10th of 2022 roughly 2.5 grams of fungus definitely the biggest dose I've had.
• Second time roughly a week later I think it was the 18th of September or something probably 1 gram of fungus had no visuals just a mind high and some anxiety.
• Third time was the 27th of September probably the lowest dose of fungus it had to have been maybe 1 gram, could have been a little less.

There is a large gap from these 3 experiences to the next one which is the one that first led to me to notice some visual changes.

• 4th experience was a psilocybin chocolate bar from a smokeshop on March 3rd 2023. It was a polkadot mushroom bar and I had 3 squares of it. I dont really know or remember how much that was supposed to be equivalent too but it was very mild, but very fun.

Now onto the onset of whatever this is. The first thing I noticed was on the way home from where I was during the last experience I noticed with my highbeams on, road signs and stop signs had a more glow look to them and a slight halo in the shape of whatever the sign was around it, this caused me some distress because but as I continued my life it faded down but they are still there slightly, especially the vibrant glow look. Next I have astigmatism however it seems that I have a bit more starbursts and a bit larger in size. 

Now my last visual symptom which im confused about is visual snow. I honestly cant tell because my memory is pretty bad but I might have had this very mild for a while but just recently on Monday the 22nd of May 2023 I was really focusing on the walls on my house and I noticed this black snow that was pretty faint on the blank walls, It didnt put me into that much distress but it definetly got me more worried about hppd since I had done personal research about it ever since my 4th experience. Shortly after this I decided to hit a thc cart while in my house. I procedeed to have the snow more prominent in my vision as I was sitting in the dim living room waiting for dinner to be cooked, I had this stomach churning feeling while sitting there, I started to panic a little bit, I remember thinking "this might just get worse what if I have a slow onset of it?" until I calmed myself down. I then proceeded to go to my friends house to smoke some actual weed flower in a bong. This high was different I wasn't as stressed out, I saw the visual snow pretty prominently because we were in a dark car, and it was night, but it didnt freak me out as much as it did earlier. As Ive went on from then ive pretty much noticed that its there while im sober but it gets a bit worse while im high. It doesnt really feel like a film in front of my eyes it usually just feels like its far away and on everything I look at, unless it is night then it very much feels right in front of me. As it is now I really cant tell if it is getting worse by the day or staying stagnant. I am just terrified of it getting worse. 

So far though the visual snow has been the only symptom Ive had that has genuinely made me kinda freak out.

To put some background on my stress level None of my family knows I smoke weed only my older sister because me and her are pretty close, and I havent even told her ive done mushrooms. I have to get my Wisdom teeth out on the 15th of June 2023 So even the thought of the anesthesia is making me really nervous, because I have never had to be put under like this. I also have been wanting to quit weed before I get my wisdom teeth out too since you arent supposed to smoke after getting them out for multiple days so the thought of going through the hard part of quitting weed while having my face hurt doesn't sound fun.

Im sorry if this is really long I have just been really stressing over this. I feel like im about to break down while im sober and when im high it seems its hit or miss on if I start overthinking about the visual snow. I just really want some other peoples opinions on this. Thank you.

[Aiden]

Forgot to add that I have negative afterimages ive had them my whole life but i guess I just notice them more now.

[firehawk]

19 hours ago, Aiden said:

Forgot to add that I have negative afterimages ive had them my whole life but i guess I just notice them more now.

yeah sounds like form of hppd. you have a very very similar case to me and alot of other similarities. I was very frequent smoker lotta bud and carts throught highschool im 19 now. did shrooms once last summer and had pretty bad anxious trip. I would say I normall have a little anxiety just like yourself. I had an onset from smoking of visual symtoms changes of just everything looking clearer and sort of trippy in my visual field a few months after my trip. I continued smoking months after cause I didnt know what it was and just thought it would go away when I stopped smoking (I would use carts or smoke every day atleast at night) but my symptoms didnt get much worse. I got a little visual snow from alcohol last month after I went sober as well like you but doesnt bother me in light only in the dark.

I will give advice that others have given me that have helped me with the diagnoisis. rememeber its gonna be all good shit happenes dont blame yourself. plently of people can have recovery or live long perfectly fine happy lives with the condition.

but its gotta start with getting sober from smoking first because its physoactive drug and could worsen your condition

also would stay away from alcohol and caffeine if it bothers you

exercise even if it makes symptoms worse

eat healthy

meditate or yoga and help ground yourself

try and not stress about the symptoms, when you focus on it your mind exasterbates the condition and makes thing worse for you. try and pickup things to distract yourself or other hobbies. personally im athletic i play junior hockey but ive been playing a ton of golf and it helps get my mind off of it a ton.

can read other posts for more helpful things as well

 but would definitely start by quitting weed. I felt alot better when I got it out of my system and found out what my baseline symptoms are. as far as anesteshia your should be fine I wouldnt be stressed about it. the first few days quitting is hard but gotta tough it out for the sake of not worsening your vision. the first couple days I had a ton of anxiety but remember its mostly the hppd not the weed.

alot of people make a form of recovery from this shit you got this just trust me and others you dont wanna make your vision and symptoms worse. if you need any other help or advice just message since i feel we are pretty similar in age and cases. its been almost 2 months 1 week since i quit weed and my body and mind feel better to manage the conditon .

and think this goes without saying but definitely dont do any psychedelics  or harder drugs than what your doing. seems like you sort of have a mild case and i believe you can make some sort of recovery if you get sober and healthy. my mind is powerful and can adjust to its conditions just dont wanna make it worse.

[cosmiccharlie]

Hello and welcome to our forum.  I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through.  As mentioned by @firehawk  this is likely a form of HPPD but it's impossible to know for sure at this point.  My advice is to try sobriety for a while.  You don't have to swear off all substances forever.  Although, if you have what Jay likes to call pre-HPPD then abstaining from hallucinogens is probably the best option for you.  I would stay sober from weed for at least a few months and see if your symptoms clear up.  This is a strange, complicated disorder that the medical community is barely aware of.  The good news is that many people can recover from severe forms of HPPD to lead happy lives.  I myself currently have a happy marriage with two children and will graduate with a PhD in mathematics next spring.  I have had this disorder for about 14 years from extensive LSD use in my youth; two ~1000 micro gram doses and many lower doses over the course of 2 years.  The things that helped me are:

• Stop all drugs, even alcohol for a while.
• Take it one day at a time, try not to think about the past or future just be here now. 
• Keep yourself busy with healthy, productive things; hobbies, work, etc...
• Exercise even if it makes your symptoms worse
• Do the best you can to not focus on HPPD; minimize time spent online looking into it and time thinking about it (this tends to generate anxiety which is not helpful for us) 
• Try not to feel guilty, you didn't ask for this.
• Try learning to meditate, even if it's just for a minute or two.  We all have the ability to go inward for strength and healing.  For example, you can spend 30 seconds or a minute sitting and noticing your breath and thinking the following: 

1. when I breath in I notice I am breathing in
2.  when I breath out I notice that I am breathing out and I smile because I am alive. 

It's that simple!

• Try and get as much sleep as you can.  
• If you're open to it, pray to God in whatever way you think is appropriate.  You don't even have to believe in anything, just ask for help and see what happens

Hang in there, you'll be fine.  

Take Care,

Nick