I think I have HPPD, but I don't know for sure.

[Purgatory]

Okay so for a background of why I think I may have HPPD.

I've been a pretty consistent cannabis smoker for a little under a year and a few weeks ago I bought some mushrooms (about 3.5 grams). The first few doses I took where micro doses and over the course of a few days leading up to me taking a decent dose (1 gram) I took a micro dose probably every day. Eventually I took a dose of 1 gram, these where some strong shrooms as well (albino penis envy) after taking the dose I did experience some anxiety but never enough to reach the point of panic attack thanks to my girlfriend being my trip sitter calming my down, the only visual affects I experienced where slight morphing of things, the most prominent rememberable one being the dark gaps in between my girlfriends closet expanding and shrinking in thickness. after the trip calmed down, I didn't notice any changes with my vision, I still had some shrooms left over and decided to take a few more micro doses over the course of a few days which I also pared with a few bowls of cannabis. I really don't remember when I started noticing this but when I stared at things they appeared to be slightly morphing, but in a way that wasn't as prominent as I remember on the shrooms, and it also wouldn't affect my central vision only (the direct point of focus), this is the only symptom which makes me believe I may have hppd, things slightly morph but it's not super Prominet and its really only in my peripheral and sometimes my depth of perception would seem to zoom in slightly or out slightly, these affects where never enough to cause me any anxiety and they have had no effect on my life other than being slightly annoying, they don't even show up unless I stare at a point for a few maybe 10 or more seconds and it's been almost a week since I took a break off of smoking and these affects have only seemed to decrease, I don't know if its from me taking a break or if there naturally doing that but I really don't know if its hppd or not since its just this and it's way less severe compared to any other story I've read online. I also suspect that these symptoms may be a side effect of derealization or depersonalization which I feel I have experienced during these days of these affects, and i feel i have had slight episodes of depersonalization from weed before these events, but these things (Derealization and depersonalization) are also side effects of hppd so I don't know. The only reason i really want to know is because i enjoy smoking weed, it was something i loved to do not just getting high but the smell, the community, the kind of friends you make, everything about weed i loved, but if i have hppd i know weed is not going to be something i can enjoy anymore so i just want to know the truth, if anyone thinks they can help me with figuring out the answer to this id really appreciate it, i also have mental illnesses such as anxiety and major depressive disorder and possibly ptsd from past childhood trauma which i believe was triggered during a slight panic attack while opening up to my gf about these traumas like a few days before these happenings and wanted to know if what i am experiencing could be a side effect of one of these? if anyone has any answers or advice id rly appreciate it, and I really hope i don't have hppd because god do i love to smoke :(. or if i should just go to a doctor to get diagnosed, and if so what kind. 

[Jay1]

I refer to what you have now as pre-hppd, you pretty much have to force yourself to see the visuals, but they are there if you look hard enough. 

To me, this is a huge red flag for what might come if you keep experimenting with drugs. I'm sure a lot of us long termers on here had this and kept pushing on with drugs until we got full blown hppd.

Personally, i'd quit the shrooms and be thankful that I had the experience and came out fairly unscathed... If you do that, you might well be able to carry on smoking some weed (though that is still a risk, right now).

[Purgatory]

Thanks for the reply Jay1, I have no issues with quitting shrooms. I really did not enjoy them all that much even at the parts that weren't anxiety filled. since I posted on this forum the visuals have gone down a lot, still there if I try really hard but definitely decreasing rapidly, I also am very sure during this I also depersonalized which is also going away, my reason for believing this is all of the symptoms I had on the mental side and some visual where definitely caused by it, there were a lot of days where I was scared of going insane as well as just having anxiety over things I normally wouldn't care about at all, I was afraid of looking in the mirror a lot of times and I also had many existential thoughts pared with not feeling real or questioning my reality, I also did experience moments where my body didn't feel like mines and those moments induced panic attacks as well. I am still a bit skeptical if maybe this was just a bad depersonalization episode instead of HPPD because I've seen cases online of people experiencing similar visual distortions while it only being depersonalization, and also I've experienced some visual effects that should have been caused by the depersonalization, like tunnel vision or objects seeming to be larger or smaller than they really are, although I will take anything I see on the internet with a grain of salt, so I still don't want to make a complete assumption because it could be possible I was going through both at the same time, but if the suspected HPPD symptom I had which was the slight morphing of certain objects as well as the depersonalization symptoms and visual affects i had are going away at the exact same time could that possibly mean the suspected HPPD symptom I experienced was simply just another visual effect of the depersonalization and maybe not HPPD?  I've seen cases of people having these two issues at the same time, but I don't know if the symptoms of both depleted in the exact same time frame, id say this is just a theory of mine to dwell on. But other than that, I am relieved to hear I will possibly be able to enjoy weed again and if I still want to smoke do you think continuing my break until the visuals are completely gone and making sure it's not too much and not as often (like how I was doing before this happened) would be my safest option?

[Jay1]

The safest option is obviously none, but if you do want to smoke again... Then yea, take a prolonged break and then reintroduce yourself with low THC level weed.

For me, once I had hppd, the weed question became moot, as even the slightest amount would make me trip and give me insane anxiety, so the choice was made by my body/mind before I could have a say! 

You might find the same... If you feel like weed hits different now, then it's probably a sign to think about quitting. 

[Purgatory]

I know this is going to sound dumb but in the early days of this (give or take 4-7 days) I chose to ignore the visuals and continue smoking weed at my normal rate, sometimes 2-3 times a day before discovering I had to stop, during those days I experienced normal encounters nothing felt off or hit me “different” it felt the same as I’ve always felt on weed just with the visuals and they didn’t increase either, they just stayed the same as they were sober, the only serious anxiety I experienced was during my last time smoking since going cold turkey, before this day I had done research and realized I may have HPPD And saw that I had to stop smoking, stupidly I thought to myself “well I’ve been smoking this whole time with it, so what’s one last sesh” so I smoked maybe 2-3 bowls in my bathroom, and forgot about that instance and smoked 3 more probably, in my room, and I’m sure the anxiety that came from this was from overindulgence and the weed hitting me too hard as well as making my depersonalization a bit worse, the visuals where all the same though, I was basically just greening out and having a pretty bad time mentally because of the body and mental high alongside with worry that I finally broke my brain, that was the only bad experience I had after having this, and I think I would’ve had the same experience if I didn’t have this minus some of the most likely cannabis induced depersonalization moments, it was some strong weed and my dumbass did too much and tweaked out, something I used to do a lot in my early days of smoking, but compared to those moments of greening out this one wasn’t even top 5 in severity, and all the other times of me smoking during this experience where not bad at all, so I really don’t think the condition I had made weed any worse for me other than the depersonalization probably, so I would assume after I recover I wouldn’t have any issues as long as I don’t overdo it, the only negatives I had where a increase in depersonalization issues during the high and it was only one instance after consuming a considerable amount that I obviously could not handle, nothing on the visual side was affected at all and from my knowledge and other experiences of DPR it wouldn't come back after recovery simply from me smoking again unless it was traumatic in some way or I was straight up abusing it. But In your opinion, do you think this evidence would be a sign that I could possibly not suffer negatively from smoking after fully recovering? also these days of me smoking did not seem to worsen the visual affects permanently, they stayed the same as they were when i first discovered them and they've only seem to decrease since then and never increased in intensity weather it was on weed or not.

[Purgatory]

But yes, after I finish this break and I smoke again, If I notice anything's off or see any type of visuals that remind me of what I went through right now, I promise you I will stop immediately, I have no issue with quitting, id rather get my nuts chopped off than go through this shit again lmao. 

[Purgatory]

But I think off the bat I have a good chance since even while smoking with this condition for multiple days on multiple occasions I didn't experience any anxiety from it, unless it was something that could normally give me anxiety from weed which is almost always from just doing way too much and getting a rly intense high I aint sign up for. Any low amount of weed has never given me anxiety though, its always a good experience, unless my tolerance is high, then it's just mediocre and makes me think what's the point. the funny thing is I actually needed a tolerance break anyway before this happened and was struggling with doing a full one, so I'm actually a bit thankful, I feel as if the universe has given me a warning sign to chill out with my consumption and to take a break because it was honestly getting depressing. But i think the fact that i got a very minimal case of HPPD is evidence of this universal warning, because it knew for a fact i would probably freak the fuck out if i had any of the other shit most people with strong HPPD see like visual snow, tracers and other things like sacred geometry and shit, it would have definitely fucked with me alot more than this.