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Getting my experience off my chest and seeking advice.


liamnugent
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Hello All!

Hope everyone is doing well, if not follow the words of Winston Churchill "If you're going through hell, keep going" you can do this.

I joined uni in September 2021 and to say the least, I made some bad choices with substance abuse. Below I have listed what substances and the frequency I used them:

  • Weed/Hash/RSO | Every day, anywhere from 3 to 15 joints a day just to exist in a high state.

  • LSD | Most weekends, most of the time double dropping 200ug tabs, some days even going as far as 5 tabs spread over the day, this only happened twice.

  • 2C-B | This was the worst as I am sure I become addicted to the drug and only stopped because my dealer ran out, taking 30mg pills multiple times a week.

  • Psilocybin | Taken every couple of weeks to a month between usage. My highest dosage was 3.7g of AA+ mushrooms which was my first bad trip, I never want to go back to that place nor will I.

  • MDMA | Once or twice a month, I would take a little bag of 0.3g - 0.5g and key that through the night.

  • Ketamine | This was infrequent as I hated the taste so I used this probably 3 times over 6 months.

  • Cocaine | I tried 2 bumps of cocaine both times I hated it.

  • Speed | Only tried once and couldn't sleep until 5 the next day, weirdly I didn't feel highly energised, just felt focused.

  • Kratom | Only tried once.

The most I took at once was at a campfire with a group of friends and again I need to list what I took in just one night:

  • 2 tabs of LSD

  • 3 30mg 2C-B

  • 1 gram of MDMA

  • 1 250mg MDMA pill

  • 800mg of weed edibles

  • Joints when they were handed to me.

I hadn't tripped in about 4-8 weeks when I got back home and on the 28th of June, I had a friend message me saying "I have some strong weed that makes me prang out" of course I needed to try this and invited him over, I smoked a joint and went to bed. Shortly after is when I got the worst case of cold sweats I have ever had along with shaking, the feeling of impending doom, and genuine belief I was about to die, safe to say the weed did in fact make me prang out.

After a couple of hours of comfort from my girlfriend and a cold shower, I managed to get to bed, when I woke up all the symptoms of what I now know is HPPD were apparent. The following night, intense shaking/convulsing ensued waking my girlfriend up, and out of fear for my life and thinking something was wrong I called a friend and had them take me to the A&E (I live in the UK by the way), 10 hours later I was seen by a doctor and given the all-clear after my blood and ECG all came back clear.

I have  visual snow now, quite apparent halos around text, persisting positive lights that stay in my vision after looking at bright lights, constant headaches, and having more anxiety than I have ever experienced. I also have been having episodes of intense vertigo followed by nystagmus (In my case my eyes shaking left and right with rapid speed, I have also confirmed this is not BPPV, also I have recorded my eyes during one of these episodes and they do not move, leading me to believe this is some kind of damage to the brain. I am going to talk to a doctors about this soon. I have also visited an optician to have an OCT scan of the backs of my eyes and an in depth look of my eyes and they seem to be in perfect health, again leading me to believe this is an issue not associated with my eyes.

After completely sobering up from everything instantly after the A&E trip, I have now accepted the fact that I am dealing with HPPD, to increase my chances of recovery I am now taking multiple vitamins including B1 B2 B6 B12, and a plethora more (The exact multivitamin I am taking now)

I am starting to eat slightly better by having my own packed lunches and starting to eat fruit, sleeping better usually from 11 pm to 7 am or around that time, and have started drinking a lot more water along with swimming intermittently.

Is there anything else I can do or change to increase my odds of recovery?

Best regards,

Edited by liamnugent
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Time and sobriety is the only thing that can help , you can recover form  it ,it may take an year or more .it's different for everyone so ya exercise, good habits and acceptance helps but is the hardest to do,

 

I am sober , except occasional cigs ,i have stopped everything else, my symptoms still kinda bad ,I'm one year in, . I haven't taken nearly as 1/4th of the drugs you have . Beenu g sober is more easy than acceptance 

 

I find acceptance is that hardest, i will be like fuck hppd one day go hours and then suddenly i will see some symptoms which which bring down my confidence a lot down and makes me feel low 

 

I'm not sure what to say bro, i have spoken to many PPL with hppd they say that recovoerd atleast 80% , for some it was year or 2 ,for some 5+ years 

 

So i can't completely tell you when you will recover ,but all i can say is recovery is possible 

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Akshay skrev (25 minutter siden):

Time and sobriety is the only thing that can help , you can recover form  it ,it may take an year or more .it's different for everyone so ya exercise, good habits and acceptance helps but is the hardest to do,

 

I am sober , except occasional cigs ,i have stopped everything else, my symptoms still kinda bad ,I'm one year in, . I haven't taken nearly as 1/4th of the drugs you have . Beenu g sober is more easy than acceptance 

 

I find acceptance is that hardest, i will be like fuck hppd one day go hours and then suddenly i will see some symptoms which which bring down my confidence a lot down and makes me feel low 

 

I'm not sure what to say bro, i have spoken to many PPL with hppd they say that recovoerd atleast 80% , for some it was year or 2 ,for some 5+ years 

 

So i can't completely tell you when you will recover ,but all i can say is recovery is possible 

Thank you for your response, I thought that acceptance and getting stronger about the situation mentally is the best way forward as many if not all of understand there is no cure, only thing that alleviate symptoms.

I have a doctor's appoint booked for today where I am going to tell them all of what I have written in my post and I will update with whatever they say. 

Again thank you for your comment and godspeed to your recovery, we can and will get through this!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello all,

I would like to update you quickly of a doctors appointment that I have recently been too. My head pressure kept increasing and causing such intense headaches that I could barely think, if felt like my eyes were being pushed out of my head like a squeezy toy and I needed some relief so the doctor prescribed me Amitriptyline, from what I understand it is a tricyclic medication and should have no effect on my HPPD.

Two weeks into treatment I can say that the head pressure has almost gone and the constant borderline migraine has definitely reduced to a point that I can cope with now.

My visuals have also not improved or worsened at this point, I am also sure that I have HPPD at this point as after drinking a can of Monster energy drink my visual snow increased and got so bad that I could barely see.

Thank you for your time and godspeed to your recoveries, we will find a cure!

 

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Hang in there man, you're at the beginning of your journey which you probably don't want to hear but it's the truth.  I ingested similar levels of drugs myself and consider my story one of success.  It's a slow and painful process but it's worth it! It does get better, the brain finds a way and you will rediscover yourself or possibly discover yourself for the first time.  I value my struggles with this disorder because they have made me resilient and certain that there is always hope.  Try not to focus on the condition, just put yourself in a position to recover and maybe check in on how you're feeling once a month.  I remember trying to determine whether my visual symptoms or DR/DP had changed from day to day or week to week and the truth is it's almost impossible to tell.  For me it was a waste of time and only generated anxiety.  Time will be your best friend, if you stay off drugs you will see improvement on a scale of months and dramatic improvement on the scale of years.  Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat on WhatsApp or Zoom.  

I wish you the best,

Nick 

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