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Hey All, New Member


miketusa
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My name is Michael and I have recently diagnosed myself with HPPD. I haven't tripped many times, LSD twice, DXM twice, and I smoked JWH powder several times until it induced a panic attack and depersonalization. I believe it occured after a slightly frightening DXM trip. Very detached, heart beating fast, and I remember seeing blue digital like spots all over my vision. That was about 6 months ago i'd guess. Its really more the visuals than anything else. I didn't pay much notice, though I instantly acknowledged that smoking pot, for what ever reason was no longer the same, intense and trippy, to say the least. Honestly, it didn't affect my day to day until very recently. Quit smoking weed about a week ago, as I assumed it would not be conducive to recovery. But for the six months it was just random isolated pixels of blue in my vision, along with blue coloring on some edges of objects. Again, very subtle. I paid no attention to it, did MDMA once after on New Years. After smoking weed, while while intoxicated. (Peer Pressure) Again, even after that no real disturbance. Since then visual snow has increased slightly, and I get slight headaches, one night while drinking beer I noticed a blue visual trail behind the foot of someone walking, something I had never, ever seen before. Lately I get slightly depressed, but overcome it fairly quickly. I am becoming very worried, very disappointed in myself, that I will not recover, and things will worsen. Lots of unhappy people with HPPD scattered through out various forums on the web. I've sworn off all mind altering substances indefinitely in hopes of recovery. I haven't told my parents, I feel that I should, though I am discouraged at the thought of there utter disappointment.

Sorry for the lengthy, whiny intro. I am pleased to see so many optimistic people throughout out this forum, with greater problems than myself. Just saying that I'm a newbie, and I've got some problems now too.

*** I would like to clarify that this has been seemingly purely visual, static lately, with the blue spots popping in. I think this could possibly be two different incidents of HPPD converging, both from separate drugs. I do feel "strange" now and again, not quite sure if my reality, is the reality, if you get my drift. Maybe i'm just wierd, I don't know. I guess, all I can do is give it time, and act accordingly.

-Sincerely, Michael

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You're probably right, ill be going to a psychologist to deal with these issues per the request of my father, who thinks it's a simple depression or something I suppose. My mother died a few years back, so naturally, in his eyes I should be bat shit insane. I haven't told him what it really is, just that I haven't felt quite myself. Im 19, so I guess its really up to me. But, anyways, thanks for a response. ^_^

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You'll get better in time...in some people hppd can get worse before it gets better (especially if those people still got high regularly after the onset of hppd). I know that feeling of fear mixed with anxiety, that's what really gets to you. Just make sure you stay sober and at least try to stay optimistic. If it's really that bad for you then just take it one day at a time. I've noticed that people who can accept hppd aren't really bothered by it as much. It sounds like you'll make a recovery but even if you don't you WILL get over it sometime. It's not the end of your life, just a dark period that will end soon enough.

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Exercise, get good sleep and eat well. Don't dwell on your symtoms either, it will pass so don't worry! Also reasearch is actively being made so hopefully we'll have a cure in the future.

Welcome to the forum by the way!

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I'm sorry to hear that dude......I couldn't imagine losing a parent. But yea in the end it really is up to you. If you think you're dad could provide some support or something you should tell him.

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Thanks guys! Feeling a lot of support on here. Yeah, I threw away my cigarettes and whisky yesterday. Ive never had an addicting personality, so it wasnt too hard. I plan on skating everyday, and playing video games a lot until symptoms taper off a little. Its not too bad, im just worried it could get worse.

- Though, I have to say, I think its true how people say the more you worry, the worse it gets.

I took a trip to the UK with my school mates, drank at least 4 pints of beer a day, (have to be 21 in the states) and was enjoying life so much I didn't notice a damn thing. Makes me wish I could have stayed in Edinburgh forever.

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Thanks guys! Feeling a lot of support on here. Yeah, I threw away my cigarettes and whisky yesterday. Ive never had an addicting personality, so it wasnt too hard. I plan on skating everyday, and playing video games a lot until symptoms taper off a little. Its not too bad, im just worried it could get worse.

- Though, I have to say, I think its true how people say the more you worry, the worse it gets.

I took a trip to the UK with my school mates, drank at least 4 pints of beer a day, (have to be 21 in the states) and was enjoying life so much I didn't notice a damn thing. Makes me wish I could have stayed in Edinburgh forever.

dude thats where im from haha! the parts where i stayed were violent but the centre is such a happy vibrant place

ALSO...some advice. everyday when u wake up theres so many bad things that might happen, u might get hit by a bus, u might set urself on fire cooking, crash ur car. u dont spend everyday worrying about that do u? worrying about hppd getting worse is silly because it either will or it wont, and it most probably will not so dont spend ur days fretting over something

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dude thats where im from haha! the parts where i stayed were violent but the centre is such a happy vibrant place

ALSO...some advice. everyday when u wake up theres so many bad things that might happen, u might get hit by a bus, u might set urself on fire cooking, crash ur car. u dont spend everyday worrying about that do u? worrying about hppd getting worse is silly because it either will or it wont, and it most probably will not so dont spend ur days fretting over something

Thanks man! That's awesome. I could tell, a friend and I walked around further and further out from the center of the city, and it got a little seedy. Great city though, amazing city. Lot's of friendly scotts, and lots of great beer. The UK in general is an amazing place. I've been thinking about doing a program at a local Uni that would allow me to do college in Edinburgh. Thanks for the advice, that makes a lot of sense.

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I think you should tell your parents but its up to you. Basically everyone In my school or family know that shrooms messed me up. It might take a few moths but you will probably recover. I have had it for 3 and 1/2 months but I am practically recovered now, I feel great and only get visuals in the dark and they aren't that bad.

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