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My introduction and some questions.

Ludwig Ahlgren

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My name is Ludwig, I am a 16 year old from Sweden. I used mariujana 20 times from 13-16. I also used untested acid 4 times, The thing that seemed to really set off my hppd/derealization was a bad shroom trip. The first symptoms were an uneasiness when walking outside. Feeling like something was off put could not really pint pout what it was. The only warning signs I got was that I sometimes felt euphoric like an acid high in a since while being outside. Kind of noticing patterns on ausfalt or bathroom floors, but always really slight. The real things started maybe a couple of weeks after that bad mushroom trip, I got more obsessive about my reality being somehow altered by drugs, could not pin point how it just felt like it. Becoming hyperaware of my surrondings. I got weird anxiety attacks, one really bad one I started to experience a weird form of a derealization. Everything switched reality became more cartoony looking. This dissapeared quickly but the suddenly reapeared weeks later after a terrible panick attack. It came with crippling anxiety and intrusive thoughts about reality being a simulation. The cartoon effect became chronic and has since never gone away, I first thought this was dp/dr but there no disassociation involved just that everything looks more cartony or plasticy in a physical sense. I later noticed vs, bep, floaters, tinnitus and some other small symptoms that went away.

If anyone has someone has some insight about carton thing I would really like to know. Only my mother has claimed to have had a similar same phenomenon. And I don't mean things look carton like a trippy way at all. It's more a reverse trippy effect since it makes the world look less alive and vibrant. What I'm really confused how come we not see thousands of these cases from folks from the 60s in America? The oldest hppd sufferers seems to have gotten it around the 80s or 90s. This makes me believe that the reasoning behind a lot of hppd cases is caused by other chemicals instead. I also would like to ask how you deal with the depression of these symptoms, I can definitely live with them realistically but I'm really depressed and it's been really hard carrying on and moving forward.

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Welcome, and thank you for posting.  Opening up and writing down what you're going through can be a difficult thing to do.

Note, I'm not an hppd expert, nor am I a medical professional of any kind.  I'm just some old guy who has lived with hppd for a long time.

I contracted hppd in the 70s.  At the time, there was a serious stigma associated with taking psychedelics.  I suspect plenty of people had hppd, but you just didn't talk about it.  Around 1981, I tried to discuss my situation with a doctor and he basically said "I got what I deserved".  Back then, people who suffered from the effects of psychedelics were simply labeled "burn outs".  So basically, you hid your symptoms the best you could.

The best advice I have is to stop using psychoactive drugs.  I wish I had done that when I was 16.  Try to get on with your life by focusing on school and the things you enjoy.  I've found the less I focus on my symptoms, the less intrusive they seem.  I'm not saying this is easy, but over time it may help.

I suspect that depression is pretty common in anyone who is suddenly faced with a disability.  I view hppd as exactly that.  Getting help with your anxiety and depression might be something to consider.  I wish I had when I was younger.

I've had hppd for a long time, but that doesn't mean my life has been limited.  Don't give up and never lose hope. 

Remember, you're not alone.  I felt like I was before I found this forum.  There are a lot of intelligent people here.

Take care of yourself. 

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