Some thoughts

[Shannondances]

Some thoughts i decided to type down across a few nights right as i was falling asleep. the way my mind works now just seems different to me and was just wondering if anyone else felt the same..

Night 1

blinds expand and shrink as the air breathes right in front of my eyes. Sparkly and new like a whole different life form. my shape moves through it in slow mo... but things get blurry and things start to quake the brightness overtakes me yet as i rest my head the tension in it grows and the afterimages of the night remain and surface. my touch and movements are beyond my thinking they go through their motions. Everythings different everythings changed whats happened to me am i the same?

Night 2

i felt for a moment as if i was sleeping in a tent. so comfortable with all of nature around me... the sounds are so soothing... it felt like a lifetime slumber but it was only a second.

Night 3

Where did my mind go? i think i left it somewhere forgotten by all. its an area that no one goes. the area of the night we forgot about and where we forget ourselves. if only it would come back but i cannot go back there..not now. if i had myself in one piece i could figure things out and if i figured things out, my piece would come back to me.

Night 4

My vision changes.

therefore my mind changes.

everythings different and so is my thinking.

with my new mindset, i see more..yet i see less. i see the now for othere but where am i?

Night 5

once again i stare at the blinds but this time they look unreal. it strains my mind, my eyes, my thoughts. were they always in the wall like that? ... in that way?... the strangeness of them perplexes me...

[ferret]

Not exactly sure what you are saying. I get crazy thoughts at night now. I woke up worrying about getting the snakes out of my boat the other night (I don't have a boat). As i fall asleep I think about people that don't exist. But now that I know i'll be fine the next day it doesn't bother me so much.

[Shannondances]

Yeah exactly it's just random nonsense comes into my head. Doesn't make any sense and it's so hard to explain. other people don't understand.

[morbide]

I get this everynight and many times i realize what i am thinking and it gets me anxious.

[Ghormeh Sabzi]

I've had something that is maybe similar. It's gone now. But for a couple of weeks at one point when I was falling asleep loads of random thoughts would come into my head, and then I would completely forget what I was thinking. Kind of like when you are high on MDMA. For a few days it was really bad and I would wake up during the night, feeling like I was falling through air and these thoughts would be coming to my head and then I would forget whatever they were. It was very weird.

[ferret]

Wow I've looked everywhere and untill now I couldn't find many other people with this problem. How long has it been bothering you guys? For about a month I'd have weird shit happen every night ranging from thinking that john Lennon was in my house and the walls were melting around me (I might have actually been completly asleep for that one, i'm not sure) to worrying about needing to get a chair for the imaginary person in my room so that he would be comfortable. Im not fully awake when I think these things but once I realize im thinking them I get really anxious. Sometimes when i close my eyes when I'm trying to sleep I see random shit but as long as it doesn't get any worse it is actually kinda cool. Latly I've been fine except for once or twice a week.

You guys should research Hypnagogia/ Hypnagogic Halucinations. The wikipedia page for it is pretty usefull. it doesn't seem to match exactly what I experience but it is close.

At first I was worried that I was schizophrenic but my psychologist and my doctor assured me that I wasn't so don't worry about that.

[Shannondances]

Wow very interesting about the Hypnagogia/ Hypnagogic stuff. Sounds kinda the same but not exactly. But it led me to another page about sleep paralysis. Anybody else had this? After I read it I felt relieved it was a real thing... it hasn't happened to me very often i would say 2 or 3 times but it's very scary and I feel like I'm about to wake up but I'm still in this dream like state and I cannot move my body no matter how hard I try. It has made me very anxious and I've had scary thought and nightmares during the time. I just remember a very urging sense that I needed to get up and move otherwise something very bad would happen.

[ferret]

I had sleep paralysis once but it wasn't related to hppd. It was about a year ago. I had smoked weed once before it and i think it was like a year before so it definatly wasn't related.

I thought I was being abducted by aliens.

I guess it shows that i was succeptible to strange sleep before and the anxiety from HPPD probably is what brought it out.

[Ghormeh Sabzi]

I have experienced sleep paralysis quite a few times since the onset of HPPD. Never experienced it beforehand.

[RPK]

yeah ive experienced sleep paralysis 3 times since the onset of my hppd and it is by far the most uncomfortable feeling you can have not being able to move your whole body when you're mind is still half awake. it usually happens when im waking up from a nightmare and im becoming conscious but my body sort of drifts back into the dream and your basically left feeling fully paralyzed, i had it pretty bad not being able to move for about 10 minutes, im hoping to god this doesnt happen to me again

[ferret]

As I drift to sleep I sometimes see random shit flash before my eyes (while they are closed) a lot like I did when i was tripping. I'll see picturs of random things or a bunch of random words. it sucks because I then think I might be schizophrenic and then i can't go to sleep. Anyone else have this?

[morbide]

I get superfreaky cev's when i'm drunk but when i'm sober i get really wierd thoughts when i'm going to sleep, strange mindloops etc...

[ferret]

Morbide- How long has it been going on for you?

[Shannondances]

ferret- I have that all the time before I try to sleep. I'll close my eyes and see lots of shapes shifting growing and moving or I'll see faces. The faces are sometimes angry or sad. I try to ignore it.

[ferret]

How long has it been going on for you guys? its been about 2 and 1/2 months for me and things seem to slowly be getting better kind of a 2 steps foward 1 step back kind of thing. A week ago I was so positive that I would be fine but then shit got worse.

I just get so scared that it's early signs of schitzophrenia even though I know it probably isn't.

[2muchmandy]

I was the same ferret last week was aweful for me. I thought I was about to be cured then relapsed but this has been a great week. I think its just about realising hppd will have bad phases on the road to recovery. I wouldnt worry too much dude.

[nuroeone]

I have also experienced this, it has stopped now but it used to happen every time i was on my way into sleep, i would be able to hear what was going on around me but i would be dreaming about nonsense having conversations with people that don't exist or doing things that arent really happening when i would snap out of it, i would think that it actually happened for a moment. It also happened to me when i was 17 at a rave, munted, i fell asleep and i would be having conversations with the same people that were around me and awaken only to find it never happened. Its so strange, it doesnt bother me anymore nor does it happen often if at all. Ive always wondered what exactly was happening it used to freak me out in the first few months of my hppd

[ferret]

Thanks Nuroeone it's very reassuring to see that you made it through it.