So who has DP??

[Gmo]

I'm just curious. I'm pretty sure that this whole DP ordeal is the worst fucking thing imaginable......I mean before the DP hit I had pretty bad HPPD but I was getting by.....it wasn't THAT bad......but after DP hit is when I became a recluse and couldn't stand to be around anyone. I just lost my sense of self and my personality and I just feel brain dead. I've had this for about 9 months(HPPD for like a year and a half) and I think this is without a doubt the worst thing that's ever happened to me......I really hope I'm not like this forever cause life just wouldn't be worth living. I could deal with HPPD much easier if I didn't have DP to go along with it.

[John Smith]

me...my story's right about the same as yours, except my hppd was pretty mild...even the timeline is similar

[Gmo]

Is your DP 24/7 or do you get it in episodes???

[zukov]

Me too... its more dp/dr with hppd than hppd with dp dr

the worst thing that ever happened to me....24/7. Many times i think "this is life?, i did that? was me?" The memories come and goes from nowhere...the reality looks like a cannabis trip, more than a lsd. The sense of time, oh my god.

This last two weeks i feel 'fine', i hope this will end some day.

[Gmo]

Yea it's terrible shit. Mental issues are terrible 'cause no one knows you're going through them. It's impossible for people empathize with you as it's impossible for them to know there's even anything wrong with you. Most of my friends prolly think I'm an asshole these days cause I never wanna party or smoke or drink with them anymore.

[2muchmandy]

hppd is frightening the crap outta me, i appear to be getting better but am i. will it worsen in a years time? if it gets unbareable il end it, i have no bones about doing so but for now im hopefull

[John Smith]

i get it 24/7 man. I have those thoughts too, when i think about the really legit shit i used to do, the drugs, the hot ass chicks, it always pops up: was that me? did i really do that? Is this really what my life has become? DPDR with hppd is about right...i think many people feel that way too, ive been chattin with many people on the dp board who dont even care about their hppd, it's the dp that gets to em.

[2muchmandy]

i think a person in psychical form is nothing, not special. what makes a person is how they act, feel, respond and the memories they have and give. if uv had ur brain remapped like a car engine ( what i think of hppd as doing ) u no longer have the memories ( they feel flat and 2dimentional ) u dont act the same, u dont feel the same either. its basically having ur personality ripped from u.

i would try do the shit u used to do. i think the more u try get away from it the worse itl get. first week i had it i didnt feel like listening to drum n bass or working on my car but i forced myself to do it because i knew that what euan did, euan is a bmw nut who listens to dnb. its kinda like u gotta emmerse urself in ur own life.

[Gmo]

@Boogres....yea dude my HPPD doesn't really bother me. It's this 24/7 dissociation. It's terrible. I'm not tryin to downplay HPPD or anything, it's just when I got hit with DP, HPPD started to pale in comparison. I feel like if DP went away I would lose a lot of my anxiety and really be able to get started with livin again.

[Year2]

I've had this for 30 years but the DP went away a long, long time ago. It gets better. I'm guessing you guys are young (I was 19 when I first got symptoms). One thing to realize is that we all change as we get older anyway. I used to mourn my old self but, if I think about it, a lot of that was my old self on drugs. I DID become much more serious and my personality DID change to an extent. But probably for the better. I would say go with the flow and accept it. I was so nervous I couldn't talk to people after I got HPPD. This, going from someone who was very outgoing, liked making everyone laugh etc....

But, I'm now a teacher and am fine with public speaking and crowds and all the rest. You will come back but I read of a lot of people hiding away. Confront your fears and try not to obsess. Get involved in stuff...positive stuff. The first 2 years were the worst and...I had no idea anyone else had this until two years ago when I googled it. At least you can put a name to it and know it's not madness or brain tumors.

[Gmo]

how long did you have HPPD before it went away??

[Year2]

Hmmmm...that's a tough question. It was much of the time for about two years and then I'd have episodes where it'd come back. I'd say it completely disappeared after about five years. One of the hard things with all this is it's difficult to know how much is self-imposed and, if there's a way of minimising it through positive thinking. Looking back, I think I was very masochistic in that I could sometimes wake up in a positive mood and I'd almost impose this negative, self obsession onto what should have been happy experiences. I think this may be an unfortunate natural disorder with me. But, also looking back, the DP and nervousness disappeared in direct proportion to my sucesses in life with relationships and my career etc....

You can't expect self-confidence to come out of nowhere and sitting at home on sedatives doing nothing won't change a thing. I think I reached a point of acceptance where I said "OK...it's a pain in the arse but, like or not, this IS me and I have to deal with it and work on myself". I would not reccomend telling people about it. As a teacher, I often get students telling me at the end of a course that they're bi-polar or depressed or some other excuse. I have to look at their work with the same criteria as everyone else and no one in this world has an excuse.

I saw Dr Abrams a couple of years ago and he confirmed that I had HPPD. It's great to put a name to this but he also thought I had/have anxiety disorder too. So, I need to treat that individually (without medication) as well as any other symptoms. I'm not expecting a cure for this thing. I like myself and know that I can exist sucessfully in the world. My memories of important events over the last 30 years do not include visual snow or floaters etc....but they were there. Life is for living and I think it's important to go beyond this condition...not to fight it.

[Gmo]

Yea definitely. I need to get back to living life. But I meant to ask how long did it take for DP to go away, not HPPD. That's my bad, I typed the wrong thing. I'm currently not really concerned with my HPPD, it's pretty minimal. Everything's just really vibrant and slightly cartoony......kinda like on the tail end of an LSD trip, but things have quit moving so I'm pretty adjusted to that by now. It's just the DP and the social anxiety that seem to be ruining my life at this point.

[Year2]

I understood that Gmo and I was talking about the DP etc....

Good luck.

[Loky]

Everything's just really vibrant and slightly cartoony......kinda like on the tail end of an LSD trip.

I've been trying to describe my visuals for ages but this really hits the nail on the head.